Hi everyone
I am new here and finally after a few years of secret gambling on online slots have admitted that I have a problem and am seeking help. I have racked up nearly £10,000 of debt but worse than that is the shame I feel. I have only told one person.
I have self excluded via Gamstop and one of the operators I excluded from gave me a code for Gamban which I have on all of my devices. Gamcare have referred me for counselling and I am reading a self help book. I am so determined to stop but this empty void it has left inside me is so very uncomfortable. I can't sleep and my mind is preoccupied on what I could be doing (gambling). It seems everywhere I turn there is an advert or something for slots taunting or tempting me. I feel anxious and panicky and a bit like I am loosing my mind. I almost want to scream in rage.
Does that feeling ever stop? When will things get better? It has been about a week now.
I also feel so angry, maybe it is misplaced anger because I don't want to accept my own faults. I spent thousands a night and no operator ever asked if it was OK, or suggested I took a break, they just put more incentives and rewards my way. I understand they just want the profit but I feel like these big companies have abused me and my vulnerabilities.
Good luck, determination and best wishes to you all on your journey.
Hi Loopy Lou,
You are feeling this way as you are a compulsive gambler who is addicted to gambling. There is no switch you turn off and all is back to normality. You have conditioned yourself to seek out gmabling as an escape. I did the same thing, I spent 20 years so far of my working life with very little to show for it. I lied, I argued but I refuesd to admit I had a problem becasue deep down I knew it meant I could not longer bet.
Asking for help is the start of the process as we admit to ourselves this thing is out of control. To tackle it you need support so its good that you have told someone, but it can be very hard for people to get their head around this addiction. GA meetings are a great place for support as they are full of people who are also Compulsive gamblers. Go to your neaerst one, have an open mind and commit to a recovery program.
Thanks Joe. I am interested in a 12 step program, the book I am reading is based on it and the approach seems it may help my other issues - previous drug addiction which I overcome about 18 years ago, continued binge eating, as well as depression and anxiety which have been with me for as long as I can remember.
I am assuming GA places a firm emphasis on the gambling when I wonder if something more general 12 step might be worthwhile to help me and the wider issues?
I'm still exploring the support options available so would be grateful for any knowledge you can share.
HI Lou,
The 12 steps are basically for any addiction, same steps apply. The only difference between the meetings is the people there, when you talk to people at a GA meeting they will understand and help in regardds to the gambling and give support needed, but they would not be as clued in regarding other addictions. A good book to read would be Russell Brands book Recovery, he like you suffered multiple addictions and he talks about the 12 step program.
Reading books is all well and fine but to tackle reovery you need to really open up to people and ask for help as support is vital here, you cannot do it alone. This is why the meetings and the 12 step program work. Recovery is not a simple few weeks change of heart, its a life long battle. We take it one day at a time, but it can be done. As addicts lies are the life blood of our addiction, we lie to everyone but most of all we lie to ourselves constantly. The 12 steps if we work them will help us open up and be honest with ourselves.
Perhaps I need to visit a few different 12 step programs as well as GA. I now have some general mental health support in place.
I feel once I've got some more specific support in place (by joining a GA meeting) and come to terms a bit more with what has happened and open up to people who understand, then I will be able to open up to more friends and family. They honestly wouldn't expect it from me despite the difficulties in my past. Gambling is not something any of us do socially, it is sort of frowned upon or taboo almost, not for religious reason or anything, it is just isn't the done thing and so it will shock them. I need to know how to deal with that or know I have somewhere I can go to find out/ask probably even just understand myself a bit more first. Maybe even come to terms with it a little bit. I will seek out a support network and community I realise I alone cannot conquer this.
I have read a few good reviews about that Russell Brand book so will investigate reading it.
I appreciate your responses and guidance - thank you.
Hi Loo Lou, welcome to the forum 🙂
I find myself, unusually disagreeing with Joe here because a lot of people in the GA rooms that I go to do cross addict so do understand the different types of high. I myself will be going to my second AA meeting tomorrow because I understand now that I am an addict, regardless of my poison & even though I don’t drink, there is a very good chance that I am an alcoholic as well as a compulsive gambler, I just didn’t get there yet! When I read non GA based literature, I just substitute the words alcohol, food, drugs, etc with gambling.
You seem to have your eyes wide open to what recovery is going to entail & if you do tackle Brand’s book, don’t be put off by it. It’s basically a modern day version of the 12 Step program with lots of swearing & some massive words...I am a huge fan but even with a bit of recovery under my belt, I find it a challenge, just like my recovery has been! This is mostly due to the lack of effort I have put it (but that’s a post for another time) & for a long time I felt very lost. I spent so long gambling I don’t really know me & when I stopped gambling I too really struggled to function. Now I have feelings, good & bad, which I never really had before & I understand what they are, not necessarily why I have them but I’m ok with that. I also don’t feel quite so lost anymore...Someone once described that feeling to me as “is this it?”. Stopping gambling was surprisingly easy for me, accepting it was a mind problem & not a money one took years but yes, absolutely, if you put the work in, it does get better - ODAAT
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