Back to day 1 again

Hi mrsbuble73,

Welcome to the forum, and thanks for your post too.

It seems like you’ve been struggling to stop your gambling online but then, you get tempted and gambled from sites that you know you’ve not excluded from.

You also sound like you want to beat this on your own, and thus your husband would not find out you’ve been gambling all the way from when you mentioned your gambling activity to him.

You’re right in saying you need help to stop; Gamcare is ready to help and support you to overcome your gambling problem through giving advice on strategies. We can also refer you to 12 sessions of free counselling if that would help you to stop.

I suggest that you contact our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our advisers for further help and support, and also for counselling, in case you need it. Our lines are open every day from 8.00am to midnight.

I wish you well in your journey to recovery. It would also help with your recovery if you try and post here from time to time.

Now that you’ve come to Gamcare for professional help and support, try not to look back, and please keep posting.

Regards,

Beatrice

Hello

It will be a long hard road as you say and with us all, we only seriously consider getting to grips with this addiction when we lose, never when we win.

Not sure of your total situation but this is a time to get control of your life again, you can't go on maxing out cards.

You can miss gambling when it's not there put things in place to deal with the urges, get the software that stops you going into gambling sites etc and ask your partner to help you manage this process. Consider GA too, it's not for everyone but there are many inspirational individual who will help you. You may need to accept that this is something that will always be there and needs management.

You can turn this around but need to put measures in place that give you the best opportunity.

Really hope you turn his around. Tell your partner go through that pain and hopefully you will be able to turn this around.

Hi mrsbuble73, I am in a similar situation having slipped back in to playing online casinos. I don't know about you but I am really frustrated with myself! A few questions I am asking myself that might be worth sharing.

Q) What real enjoyment or fulfillment do I get from gambling?
A) I can't even say I get that much of buzz from winning anymore, after all I am never going to win back all the loses from all my years of on/off gambling. It's a habit this gambling for me, a habit that's formed in to an addiction. I suppose I like to lose myself in gambling I will use any excuse bad day at work, feeling tired or stressed, argument or simply boredom.

Q) But why go back to something so distructive?
A) I realise now, gambling for me, is an addiction it won't ever go away. Gambling is everywhere now so the challenge will be a tough one.

Q) If I do stop will I miss gambling it's my escape?
A) I have no doubt I will miss the buzz & occasional rush of the wins & placing high stakes but the negative effects & consequences make gambling something I want to remove from my life.

There is more out there than the cycle of self loathing that comes from losing so much money & wasting so much time.

I wish you all the best in fighting this. You can do it. Face up to all of it, the debts, the lost time & the real risks you face if you carry on gambling. Think of what truly makes you happy & strive for that.

I think we need to start by forgiving ourselves then moving forward.

I hope you beat it.

Thanks for your post Red it's helped me Lu x

Hi mrsbuble73, I am in a similar situation having slipped back in to playing online casinos. I don't know about you but I am really frustrated with myself! A few questions I am asking myself that might be worth sharing. Q) What real enjoyment or fulfillment do I get from gambling? A) I can't even say I get that much of buzz from winning anymore, after all I am never going to win back all the loses from all my years of on/off gambling. It's a habit this gambling for me, a habit that's formed in to an addiction. I suppose I like to lose myself in gambling I will use any excuse bad day at work, feeling tired or stressed, argument or simply boredom. Q) But why go back to something so distructive? A) I realise now, gambling for me, is an addiction it won't ever go away. Gambling is everywhere now so the challenge will be a tough one. Q) If I do stop will I miss gambling it's my escape? A) I have no doubt I will miss the buzz & occasional rush of the wins & placing high stakes but the negative effects & consequences make gambling something I want to remove from my life. There is more out there than the cycle of self loathing that comes from losing so much money & wasting so much time. I wish you all the best in fighting this. You can do it. Face up to all of it, the debts, the lost time & the real risks you face if you carry on gambling. Think of what truly makes you happy & strive for that. I think we need to start by forgiving ourselves then moving forward. I hope you beat it.

Many thanks for your support and comments I need all the help I can get right now. I told my partner yesterday and he isn't even speaking to me now. I can't blame him who would want to be with someone like me anyway. I have been walking around numb all day and am too upset to even think about gambling. I have now lost everything that ever mattered to me I honestly don't know where I go from here.

Hi Mrsbuble I was exactly where you are 264 days ago having just lost 1k in 24 hours on online slots. I was terrified of telling my oh as I had gambled and stopped before and he had told me if it happened again that was it. Well the difference this time I told him everything before he found out and yes he went mad but he supported me through it. Along with here ga and my family's support I haven't gambled since. I take it one day at a time and still have my blocks in place on the internet and each month my partner goes through my bank statement. Life is good at the moment but I know I'm only one bet away from addiction again. I hope you get the support you need x

Mrsbuble73, you must have had an awful day but you've done the right thing. Your gambling effects both of you so opening up & being brave enough to tell him is a great start be proud of yourself for finding that courage. You can beat the control those evil slots have on you. Just take one day at a time & try & be kind to yourself. Gambling addiction is an awful thing to suffer with but you can & will beat it.

Big hug

Mrsbuble73, it such a shock to the other half it will seem like they are against you at first but hopefully he should come around and help you in your battle.

If you dont go back to gambling from here then there no reason why people shouldn't support you as thats what we all need to get through it.

Mba

Hi Mrs buble. How are things today?

Hi everyone thankyou soo much for your kind words. Today has been up and down. We are still living together at the moment and we are at least talking about it. It will take a Long time for him to trust me ever again. I have arranged a first session of counselling next Tuesday and have cut up all my cards. I have ordered a new debit card and told my partner to blank out the csc no so I can't use it online as this is my only vice. I don't know if we will last but I feel strangely free at the moment as everything is out in the open and I don't have to lie anymore. I'm taking one day at a time but I really do not feel like gambling at all at the moment so it can only be a good thing.

Mrsb' what a good idea about csc number I will the same thing.

I hope you OH can forgive you. It must be a real shock when our loved ones discover the mess we're in.

Look to the future a GF future where you don't need to feel guiltily anymore.

Thnx redham, hit rock bottom last night ended up in my local,park with a bottle of wine and 10 Cigarettes I haven't smoked for 14 months. They are now in the bin, me and my partner are going to talk tonight and I have an appt at the drs Monday. Fingers crossed we can find a way forward.

How did you get on at the doctors Mrsbuble73? I hope things are improving

Hi mrsbuble73.

Yes Honesty is the greatest thing you have in fighting off the addiction. Its actually a huge sense of relief once a gambler has plucked up the courage to say this is who I am and this is what I have been doing.

There is no shame in that honesty and it may seem tough at first but telling people is the right thing to do. Gambling thrives on secrecy because deep down every problem gambler knows its irrational behaviour that can not be justified in any normal sense.

A ganbling addiction is so dangerous that people must be told. The initial feeling of guilt and embarrassment is nothing compared with what gambling had lined up for you. Such gems as homelessness and bankruptcy are what gambling does to people before the day has even started.

It is a real test of relationships...there is no doubt about that. However you gain strength by proving yourself again with serious monitoring. There is no room for half measures as the addiction can always lie dormant within us.

Keep talking about it as there is help out here for you. People do care. Youve done the right thing and keep focused on what gambling did to your finances.

It was my drug of choice to escape depression stress loneliness, bills and the fact my life was a dreamers mess. Gambling made it 100 times worse. Yes I call it a drug because thats exactly what it is in the same way as alcohol and substances.

You will learn thats its not as simple as the money which is why we play to extinction and lose thousands. Its way more than the money. It can just be a form of self destruction and a cry for help. The brain is a complex organ and I was developing a trance like state and split personality. I knew I had to stop but couldnt walk away from those d**n machines.

Anyway Im free now and its a wonderful feeling

Best wishes from everyone on the forum