Hi there,
Last week I found out that my partner has been non stop gambling for the last 8 weeks spending upto a 1000 per day.
2 weeks before he started this 8 week stint we were declined for a mortgage for various reasons but one of them was due to gambling entries on his account.
I really didn't think anything of it at the time and we moved in with my parents to try and save a larger deposit with a view of trying again in the new year. He promised me his accounts would be squeaky clean but now I find out that's not the case.
He has maxed out 2 credit cards an overdraft and also taken a loan out which he used to pay of his credit cards but then went on to use the credit again.
Now that I have found out I have insisted he use his share of the house deposit to pay off some of the debt and close the accountss and credit cards.
I'm extremely hurt that he's done this but he won't admit he has a gambling problem as he's said he hasn't wanted to do this since I found out (apparently he stopped before I caught him)
He has risked everything and his excuse is - I was bored and didn't think of the consequences.
I have suffered with depression, something he's known about from day one so he has said that I'm sometimes difficult to talk to and that's why he played on this betting game.
Is he just in denial and will he wake up soon and realise what he's done?
He insists he has a money issue not a gambling issue....
Hi Kay
Your boyfriend will only come to terms with his gambling issues when he actually wants help its not something that can be forced upon him. Hes in denial because he still has the belief that the big win is around the corner and all his financial problems will be solved.
Gambling addiction is far more complex than most people understand his argument that he was bored and didnt think of the consequences is one I used alot to cover my tracks the truth is I gambled because there was a y in whatever day it was, I dont understand why I did it but thats the illness!
If he wants the help in stopping gambling his biggest fear is admitting he has a problem, if you can get over this then the coming clean about every debt and trick hes used is like scaling mount everest for a compulsive gambler he probably believes he is protecting you by keeping quiet as if you knew the truth you might leave him.
I would be surprised if the gambling transactions alone were the reason for your declined mortgage and i suspect he has other hidden debts e.g. payday loans or missed payments on his credit file.
It is not my intention to upset you but you should understand that a compulsive gambler would borrow money from anyone in the heat of the moment as it were.
A little about me I am a compulsive gambler, i gambled for a number of years without any problems and then things got out of control within 2 years I had changed beyond recognition, most people are only interested in the financial element at first and i worked out roughly i had gambled about 100k alot of money to say im in my 20s, the financial problems gambling creates are actually the easiest to solve it is the emotional and personality altering that takes time to rebuild along with undoing all the lies and tales to obtain cash.
My advice to you is to be suspicious, its likely he hasnt told you EVERYTHING. If possible to avoid the temptation of gambling you need to take control of his finances - ensure every pound is accounted for, assuming he agrees then thats a big step to overcoming this problem.
Im a big believer that gambling debts should be repaid...dont sacrifice your house deposit money to bail him out that will only lead to more heartache down the line.
I suggest you look into perhaps going to GA or GamAnon for some help, support and useful advice.
Hello Kay
Seans advice of looking for help is good
I'm the gambler too and i didn't stop til I was at rock bottom
I wish it was just a money problem. It would be much easier to stop if that was the case
You could do worse than ring gamcare on the numbers above but i go to Gamblers Anonymous on a regular basis and its helping but i had to want the help.
Well done for coming here. Your not alone.
Tri
hi kay
When I used to gamble a lot I got depressed and owned up many a time but lapsed again my advise get him to GA on here and as much help as possible if your younger you have a very good chance the Gambling industry has caused a flood of addicted people online by TV adds etc he is not a culprit but a victim
dave see my profile still not had a bet for months
Do NOT buy a house with him, you cannot trust him with finances, he isn't even ready to admit he has a problem.
I wish you luck but this guy needs a wake up call.
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