Hi all,
My name is Sam and I have been gambling for 10 years now. I don’t know when it will start again and it only stops when the money has run out. There doesn’t seem to be an end in sight to the addiction, especially when I feel caught up in so much debt and secrecy.
I really don’t know how I have ended up here. I never thought I would be in a situation where I couldn’t control spending thousands of pounds for no good reason, constantly owing money and leading what feels like a double life. Day-to-day I am reluctant to spend money on holidays or clothes, sometimes even the bus fare home from work, feeling good that I am making an attempt to save money. Any money saved after a couple of months is blown within a few hours.
I confided in my Mum in the past who has supported me to get me back on my feet – especially last year Aug when I blew 10k in an afternoon. I can’t even explain how it got that bad, but it did. I gave up fully and apologised as I felt like a failure.
For 6 months I was bet free before relapsing and losing £1000 in Apr/May. I came away from that relapse feeling happy it wasn’t as bad as last time (How crazy is that, being happy to lose only £1000). Last week I got an email advertising free tournament tickets for poker. I logged on and won £900, which was probably the worst thing that could have happened. I am now down a few thousand after transferring to sports and casino. I feel like I have nowhere to go.
The worse part for me is having to pretend that I have money, otherwise people will start questioning me knowing that I have relapsed. Even a simple birthday meal/drink at the end of the week as me stressing financially. My anxiety is through the roof and it isaffecting my diet and work life. I have applied for numerous credit cards and loans this morning, panicking that someone might find out. I have been declined for all, but fear this will now generate multiple letters to my house for my family to see. I think this may be the last straw for them which will make things 100x worse. From the outside looking in this must seem like the most selfish addiction and one which can easily be stopped – but I feel defeated and think coming clean again will be counterproductive as no one around me understands the addiction.
This feels like my final try at giving up however, I feel daunted by the fact this is just the start of another challenging few months. I don’t know what to do but I am trying to take it day by day hoping this cloud lifts soon, but it doesn’t feel like it will this time.
Sam
Hi Sam,
Thanks for your post, and welcome to the forum. I hope you're finding this to be a supportive place, and you let us all know about your progress. Sorry you're having to go through all this stress; things can get better for you, but you have to stop gambling for that to happen. Yes, it's going to take some time and you have some challenging months ahead, but if you were gamble free for six months, you can do that again and longer, certainly.
What practical steps are you taking to set barriers between you and gambling? If you're gambling online as it sounds like you are, have you thought about downloading any blocking software, like Betfilter, Gamban, or K9? Those prevent gambling sites from opening on your computer, and a lot of gamblers use them. If you're doing all the damage through your phone, the software may or may not work on it, so you might have to consider doing like other gamblers and just go back to using a basic phone. If you don't have internet access in your pocket, you won't be able to do so much damage.
What about getting any group suppport through Gamblers Anonymous, or maybe getting some individual counselling? That could help you sort out why your gambling has gotten so out of hand, and could help you work on ways to manage your urges better and find healthier behaviours. That usually helps gamblers a lot, and it can also give you some needed support while you're trying to improve yourself.
Feel free to call us on either the Helpline or the Netline if you'd like to speak about anymore of this in detail; we'd be happy to chat with you and see how we could help. You can find the links to those at the top of the page.
Hope this helps, and hang in there, things won't always be this difficult.
Travis
Hi Sam,
I can really relate to your story, so many times I have gambled my entire wages away and had nothing left for bills and food. You'll see in my thread i talk about the stress of having to act like you've got money when you haven't, trust me I know how you're feeling right now. Things will improve for you if you brake the cycle.
Wish you all the best, stay strong, we are all here for you!!
Chance
Hi Travis, I appreciate your quick response.
I am now fully excluded from every bookmaker and poker site I know as of yesterday. I will look into blocking software as I know there are a thousand more sites only a google search away.
I think 121 counselling may be the way forward. Once the pain of a loss subsides I always convince myself it’s not needed and I don’t have problem, but right now I guess I need to arrange this before I find myself in the same situation in a few months’ time. I currently do not have a phone but will follow this up in the next few days. By saying this here and putting it down in writing I feel more accountable for my actions and as though I can speak without being judged as much. Here’s to hoping sharing the problem with others will help me.
Thanks
Sam
Forum admin wrote:
Hi Sam,
Thanks for your post, and welcome to the forum. I hope you're finding this to be a supportive place, and you let us all know about your progress. Sorry you're having to go through all this stress; things can get better for you, but you have to stop gambling for that to happen. Yes, it's going to take some time and you have some challenging months ahead, but if you were gamble free for six months, you can do that again and longer, certainly.
What practical steps are you taking to set barriers between you and gambling? If you're gambling online as it sounds like you are, have you thought about downloading any blocking software, like Betfilter, Gamban, or K9? Those prevent gambling sites from opening on your computer, and a lot of gamblers use them. If you're doing all the damage through your phone, the software may or may not work on it, so you might have to consider doing like other gamblers and just go back to using a basic phone. If you don't have internet access in your pocket, you won't be able to do so much damage.
What about getting any group suppport through Gamblers Anonymous, or maybe getting some individual counselling? That could help you sort out why your gambling has gotten so out of hand, and could help you work on ways to manage your urges better and find healthier behaviours. That usually helps gamblers a lot, and it can also give you some needed support while you're trying to improve yourself.
Feel free to call us on either the Helpline or the Netline if you'd like to speak about anymore of this in detail; we'd be happy to chat with you and see how we could help. You can find the links to those at the top of the page.
Hope this helps, and hang in there, things won't always be this difficult.
Travis
Hi Chance, thank you for your response.
I have manage to read through a few threads now and it is eerie how similar a lot of them are in content. Even reading through your thread and you describing your first win as ‘the worst thing that could have happened’ (which is exactly how I put it), talking about not going into bookies, as online is similar to monopoly money, and finding any event to gamble on no matter what the time of day. It’s all too similar to the motions that I go through online gambling.
I have really felt alone and like this is a problem that only affects me. It has been encouraging reading other peoples stories (although sad at the same time) and feeling like I am not the only one. Hopefully sharing my story will somehow allow me to start moving on with my life, as god knows, I can link gambling to a lot of the hardships I’ve had in the last 10 years, however I have been in denial that they are linked.
Sam
Chance wrote:
Hi Sam,
I can really relate to your story, so many times I have gambled my entire wages away and had nothing left for bills and food. You'll see in my thread i talk about the stress of having to act like you've got money when you haven't, trust me I know how you're feeling right now. Things will improve for you if you brake the cycle.
Wish you all the best, stay strong, we are all here for you!!
Chance
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