Chasing Losses has ruined everything.

Hi
Al

Your story could have been mine from 7.5 years ago.

Today could be a new start to a new life if you let it.

Horrible tough decisions are going to have to be made.
This can only be achieved with starting from a point of honesty both with yourself & your wife.

Couple of easy things to put in place include.

Handing financial control fully over to your partner.
Installing blocking software on all your devices with somebody else setting the passwords.

Attend GA. Here you will find support, experience & new choices

Hi day@atime,

Really appreciate your reply, have looked into GA, i am in Somerset and the nearest meeting is 70miles away also Gamcare one to one counselling is in Poole, Dorset (80miles ish). Making these trips on a weekly basis would not be achieveable with my and wife's work schedule and childcare etc. So thinking of other counselling alternatives which i understand can be done online. Will be looking into this as I now accept talking to a professional is needed.

Can i ask if you are or were in business? thanks again for your reply

Hi, the feeling you have right now is awful, but trust me it will get better if you do the right things. You're sick, you have this addiction and you need to accept it and do something about it. Don't lie down in self pity, you now have to fight to get yourself back, you're not alone. Gamcare and GA both have an online facility to talk to people, you can also phone the contact numbers if you wish to speak with someone. You have to draw a line, accept the money was ammunition and move on, it's only coming back through hard work. I'm off work today, my girlfriend is at work and part of me wants to go and gamble but I won't, I've taken the decision that just for today I will not gamble. I don't want to lose, I don't want to be angry and for my girlfriend to not see the real me and to take it out on her. I don't want that feeling of being a mug and to live my life by how much money I have or don't have. I don't want to give up the time doing something negative and meaningless. In fact after writing this I'm going to clean her toilet and do the hoovering. Things that allow me other time to relax and enjoy the world and my time in peace. Don't be affraid of the future, get some work and sort out a payment plan that doesn't leave you unable to live. Give over your finances if you can, self exclude, get gam block, do whatever it takes to stop gambling and enjoy your family. If you want more pain continue what your doing, your way has got you nowhere, so try another way, do the opposite of what you've been doing. The money will sort itself when you stop gambling, you will feel like a new person. I lost a lot of money, time and trust, it's not worth it anymore. I lost a lot more than 50-60k, but you can get out of the hole if you understand the values in your life and not give in to the lies your brain tells you. Get a book called Allen Carrs the east way to stop gambling, it might help you, it did me. Like you I was addicted to online slots, forever playing for a feature game or free spins, forever upping the spin stake to win back losses, it's like it knows your desperate and takes everything you have and more. Of course it's designed to do this by brilliant brains that build these machines to get us hooked. Mate, it's time to stop the game and get your life back, you have 3 ladies in your life that need you, to give them up for making rich people richer would be an insult of your intelligence. Don't give up, you have the rest of your life to make amends and do the right thing. I will be looking out for you on here.

Hi

Al

Yes i have my own business & did all the things you did. That will allsort itself out if the gambling stops. The money situation is fixable. Its not the issue your behaviour is

Whereabouts in Somerset are you. Is Bristol your nearest? You always found time to gamble before so why cant you find time to get to meetings.
Recovery from your problems takes effort & commitment

Hi Al & welcome!

I'm not sure how you ended 'going back' before if you still had the blocking software & exclusions in place but if your doing damage online to this extent I guess you have a new device & the blocker is out of the window. I can only echo the advice from above as somehow you have to figure out a way to break the Time-Money-Location triangle & reading from people with online issues, a blocker is a lifeline!

Unfortunately whether you accept it or not, you are a compulsive gambler & for us, we cannot win because we cannot stop! When I 1st came to recovery, I hated hearing that I could never control it but it's the truth. For me all the years of trying to just got me in deeper & deeper. Since realising I had to quit, I have been much stronger & able to stay in recovey. I will always be here as recovery is the only safe place for addicts!

I don't have a business so I don't know how it works but I have read talk of people getting credit card companies to freeze interest & offer payment plans, it may be worth some phonecalls.

2015 is not as bad as you think it is! The years of gambling leading up to this have been much worse! Now you have accepted that you have a problem, you can look to putting the past behind you & moving on - ODAAT

Thanks Orbits, day@atime and ODATT very much appreciate your comments and recommendations. Really shocked at the amount of support received so quickly. In time i hope to be able to offer support to other's in this way. For now I will keep an eye out for new members like me and offer some moral support. Been off work today so been putting some effort into posting here for the first time and recovering some of my losses by listing some personal possesions on that well known auction site. Stuff that is'nt needed.

Am hoping that if I can see today and the weekend through that will be a massive positive for me. I usually can go a day without gambling its the second and third the problem.

Rather than spend the evening gambling whislt the wife is at work i will catch up on your threads. Going to join the 2015 challenge and put a massive effort into this fight.

I know people that couldn't get through half an hour without gambling so they didn't gamble for 5 minutes at a time. Make plans, keep busy the next few days, help your partner perhaps with the kids, go to the gym, make dinner, stand still and the crazy thoughts that you can win yourself out of this will creep back without question. You won't, you'll end up digging a bigger hole because those big wins are rare, very rare, unless you have big money to gambling of course, but then you'll lose big. Also get your mind to accept that if you won 50k right now it wouldn't be enough and you'd lose it. Money and the mess you've created are the only things keeping you thinking of gambling as the way out, it's not. What kind of life have you had whilst gambling? Was it full of wins, fast cars, rock and roll? No, it was full of pain, ups and downs, lies, lack of sleep, over thinking, stress, panic, self loathing, dreaming of something that isn't real. Real life is tough, but you'll learn to love it one day at a time. Otherwise you and get your hands on every penny you can, bank loans, credit cards, borrow, steal, then pile it up in the garden and burn it, it will be less painful than gambling it all and so much quicker. You can do this, sure things will take time to settle, but you have the rest of your life.

Thanks orbits for your support. I only ever gamble in the evenings whilst daughters are in bed and wife is either at work or asleep. Has recently got to being 7 nights a week and it has consumed my xmas and new year. Have had the tv on to watch the darts or other programmes of interest and missed all as got my head in the phone or computer screen. Oblivious to my surroundings! Sad existence. Have got a few things to keep me busy over the weekend. Positive things have happened today, i have joined this forum, have recouped £1100 through selling two items that can be paid back into the company business account, only 5K to pay back now, plus the endless amount of personal debt to repay. All positive at the moment no urge to gamble. Kids still awake so give it a few hour's and see how the urges are then.

I hope it works out for you. Unfortunately when we are skint we turn to thing that can give us the chance of making some ready cash - gambling - so please be careful about being overwhelmed by temptation again. Chasing is the reason most of us are here, life just becomes one endless chase in fact.

I've just met the girlfriend and had a nice meal out. The urges will be less if you turn off the PC, grab a book or do what most people do on a Friday night, watch interesting documentaries on Netflix and try and get perspective and a better life. I've just bought a juicer, I'm going for healthier living 4 days a week. Look at it like this, they want you so badly to turn on your PC, to rob your money you've just made that's required for others things, plus your weekend will be ruined. Don't do it.

Catching up on the darts from the last couple nights I had on and did'nt pay any attention to as was on the slots. Sold another item listed on the auction site this evening so all positive so far today. More to pay back into my company account. Feeling good tonight. Thanks for everyone who has taken the time to post on my thread today, it is appreciated.

cannot offer much advice financially but i would come clean to your wife , at least she will be able to understand why you are in ruins and will be able to offer support

it wont be pretty but in your situation i think nessacery the debts sound too high to just sweep under the carpet but this is your choice

obviously the gambling needs to stop immediatley and just start taking things one day at time eventually things wont seem so daunting

ive been gambling for about 6 years now and accumalated around 10K's worth of personal debt once ive paid this off and god knows its going to take some work i will never be using finance ever again

Hi Al, thanks for popping by on my diary 🙂

So glad to see you feeling a bit better! On top of this would suggest that you read the exit post from Mr Brightside in the 2014 Challenge thread...It will add immeasurable weight to what Half-Life has suggested!

You've been here before & went back to gambling & found nothing but further devastation...You must remember this when the urges come calling. You may be early in recovery but in recovery you are so be proud & let this pride make you strong - ODAAT