Hi everyone,
I have been reading on here since Sunday and have found it has helped me so much. After 8 months of gambling on bingo and slots I finally admitted everything to my fella on Friday. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, especially as he hates gambling so much. Hiding this secret has been awful, dread, feeling sick, anxiety, hating myself. I knew I had to come clean to try to help me stop. I can thankfully say I haven't been anywhere near a gambling site for 12 days now. The feeling of calm and being myself again I'm hoping will give me the strength to continue. At the moment I don't have any urges but I'm under no illusion that this will probably happen at some point. My partner has been brilliant, he was understanding, then he has had the angry stage, which I cannot blame him for. He has agreed I need to pay my £10k debts off asap and he is prepared to pay all the bills for the next 18 months so I can literally use all my wage to achieve this. I was so scared to tell him but thankfully he has been very supportive and I have found reading your stories has helped so much.
Coming clean is a good thing but the next step is to make sure you have mechanical barriers in place so you can't act on impulse. Hope and willpower alone won't cut it. Your partner sounds supportive. Can he look after your finances, set passwords for blockers, sit with you while you self exclude?
On another note he needs to be aware that he is effectively bailing you out by paying the bills while you concentrate on the debts. This can have a counter productive effect. Rather than concentrating on paying it off asap it may be more effective in the long run for you to negotiate an affordable payment plan with your creditors either informally or via a more formal DMP while still contributing your share of the household expenses. If you want to stick to the arrangement you've agreed it would be wise for him to see ongoing proof the debt repayments are being made. It would also be a good idea for him to educate himself on what you are both up against and access outside support if he can.
Hi, and welcome to the site.
Well done on the days that you have been gamble free. I hope that you continue on with your success. I was so nervous about telling my husband, but like yours he has been very supportive. Not sure if you have logged on to any of the live chats? I have find these very helpful xx
Hi LMFD.
Thats a superb move and the right thing to do.
Together you must sit down and discuss it more You both need to be aware just how the addiction works and how powerful and complex it is.
Ideally you now need to be living on an allowance while the non gambler controls all finances. its not about treating you like a baby but should be a sense of relief as you build some self respect and pride again.
Its too early to talk about trust and you need to be aware that it may always be within you but can be controlled to the point where you wont really want to do it again.
So as long as you both realise that is often not as simple as you paying one lot of bills and your husband paying the others. I would like to see your husband controlling everything for a long while. Are you ready for that and discussing it?
The danger with all recovering gamblers is you start to see a comfort zone which can raise tempting urges.
You will need to be living on a sandwich allowance while attending counselling and perhaps GA. Your husband can be a great support in helping you through that and finding out about the addiction for himself
A great move though and much needed
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hi Letmyfamilydown
Well done on coming clean to your partner it is the hardest thing you have done, I just wish I had come clean to my wife that I had been gambling again for the last 15 months and her not finding out. Unfortunately as compulsive gamblers lies and deceit come so naturally to us all and I felt so embarrassed and ashamed to ask for help whilst I was gambling again. I think this time it has cost me my marriage and family life with our 2 boys who are all deeply upset at what I've done to them all again as I was previously in this boat 7 years ago !! You have done the hardest part I think in admitting you have a problem and reaching out for help, just wish I could of. I am currently 23 days off a bet but know I have an option not to gamble tomorrow !! I am taking it 1 day at a time.
Good luck
Darren
Hi everyone. Thank you all so much for your replies and advice. Blocks/self exclusion done. Finances talked through with my fella. Money to travel to work for me and a treat for lunch now and again (make my own lunch most days), that is all, but I'm happy with that. The relief of not keeping the gambling to myself is overwhelming. The support on here is amazing. So many similar stories and feelings. Day 15 today and no urges, long may this continue. Thank you all. X
Hi Letmyfamilydown
Good news and keep strong, my motto now is "it's good to talk". I am on day 24 of no gambling and feel so much better but I know it's a long road ahead and I am taking it 1 day at a time at the moment and constantly on here reminding myself of where I don't want to go back to.
All the Best
Darren
Great to hear love...a problem shared is such a relief isn't it...
X
It is Loxxie it really is. Hi woodley3, how are you doing? It really is good to talk. Like you I have been on here constantly reading and reminding myself that I never want to feel like I did when I was secretly gambling ever again. How are things with your wife and children? Hope you don't mind me asking!
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