I can't believe the cycle I've been stuck in now for months sometimes I just look at myself and think how is this me? Why does my brain work this way?Â
I was determined in November to come away from the slots I signed up to new beginnings and installed gamban on my phone but the urge takes over and I ended up deleting the block and logging into these offshore sites.Â
December has honestly been my worst gambling month yet, I won a decent amount start of december which lasted approx two days before I gambled it all away. Since - I've been chasing that win losing more and more.Â
This morning I've done something I've never done yet, I've deleted my accounts on these websites rather than just installing gamban again - I am hoping by deleting my accounts this helps.
I read somewhere that gambling urges can last between 20-30 minutes so when you get the urge to try and distract your brain this is something I am going to try and have created a list of things for me to think/do when the urge takes over. I owe so much money to friends and family it is a joke - I've created a budget to pay back by October and I wish I could just fast forward to that time to have the money all paid off. I get so anxious about owing this money but the way my brain works is - maybe today I will win it all back and then all my worries are gone? BUT I have won the money to pay it back at times and have gambled it all away as I am in that trance like state once the slots get me on them then I am back to square one. The money I have lost is gone and I need to accept that. I have a decent job and can control what I do with my future money and I need to pay back what I owe as I feel soo guilty and I know gambling further is only going to add to that - THE HOUSE ALWAYS WINS.Â
I had planned on new year, new me but sadly I did gamble yesterday after 6 days of no gambling and just kept losing and losing and losing. Strangely though, the constant losses have spurred me on to quit if I had won yesterday would I still be in the mind frame of I can win more and would keep going. The loss has made me realise how pointless this really is. I am a strong believe in everything happens for a reason I believe yesterday I had to lose to change my ways - to give me the strength to quit whilst we are still in January. I believe this is my chance to turn it all around and I want to be writing on here next January saying I AM A YEAR GAMBLE FREE and everything turned out ok.Â
Here's to positive thoughts and a gamble free 2026.Â
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We can do this Hmc. Every day is a new beginning, and we must be positive and patient, but also kind to ourself.Â
Bet blocker also helps. It shuts off anything related with gambling. I relapsed Monday, today is 4 days since I gambled. We can do this.Â
If it helps, I’m in the same boat. I owe money back to my ISA rather than friends, and similar to you have won last year to pay this back, but history repeats itself. I also will have the money paid back by October, as I have a well paid job and wish I could speed up to then.Â
This will be my second time of doing so, and similar to you, I thought after the first time my brain would switch off and logic would kick in and not to do it again.Â
I equally do not understand why my brain cannot either quit all together or allow me to control budgets.Â
Nevertheless, today is a new day.Â
As you said here is to a positive 2026Â
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How are you both doing ?Â
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