So I write here today, feeling in a dark low place. This week I finally owned up to being in £30k worth of debt, spread across credit cards and loans. My fiance has been amazing. She has said she will stand by me and support me and that we will work out a way out of this, shes working an extra shift right now because of it. She rightfully made it really clear that if it continues she is off. If that happens I will lose my house and be on the streets.
The irony is i have a good paid job, I work hard, but I accept today I have an qddictive personality. Its like I gamble on life. Ive been a drinker, a sports gambler, a lottery gambler, Irish lottery gambler, and most recently I stopped all that but started spending money in a RPG game I played online - gambling to get stronger and better and well recognised in the game.
I live beyond my means? I spend money i dont have to keep up the spending habits that keep me happy. Ive put 5 stone on in weight in around 12 months. Ive recently been diagnosed diabetic. Im addicted to food, im addicted to anything and everything ?.
So today, im starting day 1. I even considered accidentally driving through a bridge so my fiance can at least get the insurance and death in service money..
Today ive handed over all finances to my fiance. My debit card is now in her control, rightfully so I feel. All credit cards gone and cut up , just the bills on them that is left..
Shes at work and I've been out with the dog. Sitting here missing my game? Wondering how football is going on? I feel so ashamed. So so ashamed.
This month I had a great idea to sign up to a horse racing group that charge £50 per month for sure win tips. Needless to say there were no sure wins? And once in i found out there was 3 other groups all at £50 again so of couree I joined them too. Again.. addictive personality.
Thanks for reading. So unhappy and its all my fault.
Hi Dazza.
Well done for posting on the GamCare forum and for sharing your story. It sounds like you have taken some very positive steps forward by opening up to your Fiance recently and telling her what has been going on. This is a great first step.
I am sure our other members will be able to offer their own advise and suggestions for you.
You mention that you have thought about accidentally driving in to a bridge so that your fiance can get the insurance money. This sounds like a very difficult place to be for you. Our advisers are here 24/7 and offer advice and support around the effects of problem gambling. If you call us we could talk you through some more ways to carry on taking positive steps forward and could refer you for free one to one treatment.
It sounds like your Fiance is very supportive of your recovery and it sounds like a great idea for her to take over your finances for a while. Our advisers could also suggest ways that you can restrict access to gambling to help with this such as registering for Gamstop or downloading blocking software like Gamban or Betblocker.
Our advisers are available 24/7 on our Helpline 0808 8020 133 and through our Livechat option so please do get in touch any time.
Take care and keep posting,
Rebecca,
Forum Admin.
Hi Rebecca, and thank you. To read your response really helped. I feel frustrated with myself and lonely, even though I've told my fiance (and parents) they are mad at me. Rifhtfully so but I cant go down any lower.
I'm embaressed to phone and speak to someone, I cant help it I just am. Its hard enough writing it here. What sort of one to one treatment would there be? I think i need the help.
I cant thank you enough for your response.
Darren
Hi Darren,
It's really good that you are sharing on the Forum, I do understand that it can be daunting to speak to someone on the phone but we don't want this to be a barrier to you receiving support that could really benefit your recovery.
Perhaps a less daunting way for you to receive some support would be through our online chat
That way you could type rather than have to speak to someone, I do recommend giving it a try.
In regards to the one to one treatment available that would depend on what you felt was best for you and your recovery. But there are options available to you including: face to face, over the telephone, over webcam or an online cCBT course called Gamechanger that you could work through in your own time.
You've done really well coming here for some support Darren and I understand that isn't the easiest thing to do, it would be great if we could support you in taking the next step in your recovery. The important thing to remember is you don't need to do this all alone and our Advisers are here to support you 24/7
Kind regards
ChrisK
Forum Admin
Darren,
Take a step back and think about how great things could be in the near future is you allow them to happen and contribute a bit of effort to make them happen. You are potentially at the start of a great fight back if you truly can recognise how lucky you are.
You have your own home, a Good job, a partner that clearly loves you faults and all, you’ve even got a dog to show you unconditional love!
I think it’s time to start loving yourself a bit, diabetes is a great excuse to start exercising and eating right and watching those pounds drop back off.
so you have a great opportunity to turn things around, save the financial pounds in your bank account rather than giving more of them to bookies that don’t need them, and knocking off the other pounds to get you healthy again in body and mind.
Thanks Mythdunk, your absolutely correct! I have to recognise what good is in my life. Im so lucky my fiance has stood by me i can not and will not let her down again. She has put her trust into me and now I must do the same with her. I also need to recognise how much my dog loves me ! Since I've started walking more with him he is so happy!
I'm really thinking of doing the GameChange programme. I think this will really help me in changing my mindset.
Anyway a bit of success, I am 5 days gamble free !!!
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