Day one of the rest of my life

Good luck Chrissig, the online slots are a terrible distraction. You've said "gambling oblivion" for 2 hours, someone else said they felt like they were in a trance just pressing buttons, I know that feeling so well. Like you I have been a secret gambler, when I say secret my hubby knew I played but not how much i was spending. I think he thought it was a bit of harmless bingo, well he knows now and I feel totally different and am actually sleeping. You must deal with this how you feel with regards to your family but it sounds like you've made some great steps towards sorting things out. You may want to consider whether there's any underlying worries that need dealing with.Take one day at a time, come and talk here if you need support and I wish you well. It's a horrible addiction but with all you have going for you, you can do this.

Thanks for the words of support jools, I'm glad that others have felt the way I feel as sometimes it feels like isolation and nobody understands with a gambling addiction, people view drugs and alcohol addictions as physical things but a gambling addiction can be viewed as a life choice which others would not understand. I am determined to stop now and live a normal gamble free life

Hi Chris, I am a compulsive gambler and, like you, was sucked into the ether of online slots. I tried on many occasions to stop with no success, joined here and eventually told my husband and he was very supportive, did not get angry; we got a loan to pay off my debt and he never mentioned it again. So, after a few months of abstention I thought a wee £20 bet wouldn't do any harm - thousands of pounds and sleepless nights later I joined here again and thought that I could just stop gambling with the support of this fab community. The advice I was given was to tell my husband again, and I knew this was sound advice but I was ashamed and feared I would lose his love and respect so I kept schtum for a while then planned to tell him on a certain day. Eventually, I realised there was no certain day which would be ideal so just got it over and done with. Again, he was fantastic. I am paying my debt through StepChange, have blocking software on my laptop, no longer have access to credit cards. We have a joint account which I have a card for but my husband can check at any time.

You must put blocks in place to succeed. And you also need support; Gamcare, StepChange or similar but, most importantly you should consider telling your wife. At the end of the day the choice is yours and not one size fits all, but in my experience telling my husband has helped me massively in my recovery.

It's a long journey, but it is certainly worth the blisters. Take care my love and best wishes to you in your recovery

Thanks for the support everyone, I don't feel up to telling my wife a so am concerned about the reaction. I am going to try and get support on here for the time being and see How this goes. I know she wouldn't be angry and she would probably be understanding but I can't tell yet. I deal with all the finances for us and all is manageable right now so will focus on clearing the debt and then go from there . Difficult times ahead, I have self excluded from all sites now. I had just reduce deposit limits previously but I kept amending them with24 hours notice . This will not happen again I am determined

Hi. ..online slots were my addiction as well....had a good win to start with...then it was the usual gradual down hill fall that most addicts get to at some point...like you i didnt want to tell my partner...wanted more time...to get in a better plsce...to get some strength back...etc etc
there is no good time to tell....no right time....but all I can say is it was easier when he did know....yes there were tears. ...lots of questions...raised voices were nowhere near as bad as I had imagined they would be...it was weird really...my addiction being out in the open kind of gave me a new confidence...I suppose it was because I had nothing to hide....so I was being totally honest which meant I could get everything out there...we sat with my daughter (25) untill 5 in the morning....and actually it was wonderfull....I had at this stage had a few sessions with gamcare counselli g....and I'm sure that helped...I could also show hubby I meant business fighting my addiction...anyway...what I'm trying to say is....it's often the unknown that scares us more....a very wise man on here told me...when I had written the same as you.." your hubby may surprise you "...I can remember thinking...lol...you don't know him !
But ...he was right...his reaction did surprise me...in a good way....anyway...I wish you well whatever you decide....one thing that makes my life safe is good old parental blocker on my broadband...I've got gambling blocked on that...and it works well....good luck...stay safe x

I do understand where everyone is coming from with telling the wife but really do not feel up to doing that right now, I have installed k9 so this will be a step in the right direction for me, day 2 goes by and no thoughts about gambling, made sure I had my earphones with me for the bus journey to work to occupy me.

Payday today so i am going to make sure my money is used for practical things rather than a hopeful chance of winning a bit of cash, days out with the family over the weekend.

It's strange isn't it I wouldn't blink at spending £100 on a 5 minute slot game but will still refuse to pay 5p for a plastic bag at lunchtime haha .

Hi,

I wasn't told and the gambling continued unabated until my children and I found out the hard way, so I take a dim view of keeping quiet.

I would recommend reading the f&f pages, the message over and over is that the lies, deceit and double life hurt more than the loss of money. No one likes being taken for a mug. IMO, the lies that accompany gambling are equivalent to the lies that accompany an affair. That doesn't mean that gambling is "better" or "worse" than an affair, just that both involve deceit that is painful for the recipient.

I hear that everyone's different but the addiction is the same, it thrives on secrecy. Openness and honesty going forward are cornerstones of recovery - without them, what is there?

Not what you want to hear now but needs saying. I wish you well in your recovery.

CW

It's just not something i am keen to have an open discussion with anyone about let alone my wife. I do understand where you are coming from with the secrecy element of it. Maybe in the near future I will be able to confide in my wife but my main concern as mentioned before is that a gambling addiction is viewed differently to any other addictions as it can be viewed more easily as a lifestyle choice and people would not understand why it is ok to spend so much money gambling. I can't even understand it myself so how I going to explain the way it feels to somebody else ?

The addiction will rationalise anything that promotes continued using. If you tell your family, there will be unpleasant fallout and it may well inhibit future gambling. Much easier to tell yourself that you need to understand it yourself first.

I don't understand why my husband gambled but I understand the ensuing bank statements. I understand that access to money is a temptation for him because he is a CG. I understand that he needs to go to meetings because he is a CG. I understand that this is something that we both have to work round on a permanent basis. And when he tries to manipulate me, I understand what's going on instead of believing in it. I assure you that I understand enough to get by for me. He gets the understanding that he needs from those with the same problem in the GA rooms. In that sense, I don't need to understand.

Your family might not know exactly what's wrong but they will know that all is not well. Possibly your wife thinks she's to blame for the problem?

Telling or not telling is down to you. But if you want a fulfilling life in recovery, it's a bullet best bitten.

CW

Ok ok, the time will come when I tell all but not right now for me I am at the first stage in this process and I can sense a lot of anger on you message towards your husband and this is the reason I am reluctant to tell yet. The day may come soon so support on here is where I am at at the moment and progression will follow

If you choose not to tell your family about your gambling then that is your choice for which you are fully responsible. The same applies to your choice to gamble or not to gamble.

Please be clear that your choice about your gambling has no association with my anger with my husband about his gambling (which is a long term issue that I am addressing in therapy). I am not responsible for your choices and I accept no part of them. To suggest otherwise is manipulation.

CW

Hi Chris, how's day 4 going?

When the time is right to tell your wife you will. I had a plan to tell my husband but there was never a 'right time' and i just blurted it out of the blue when lying in bed one morning. He was understandablly shocked (my 2nd time) but he was more uspet that I hadn't spoken to him about my gambling again until I was well and truly up to my eyes in debt. He has been a gem and totally supportive as he understands addiction and how it can take over your life. Neither he, or I, equate any of my behaviour to that of an affair because if that was the case I'd be out on my a**e!

Enough about me! Get those blocks in place, get some counselling, keep busy with your wee family and keep working to pay off your debts. I am dealing with Stepchange as my debts were simply unmanageable; they are managing a repayment plan which allows me to have a life too (sorry, talking about me again!

It's a bit of a long journey, arduous at times, but well bl00dy worth it when you see your gamble free days climbing and your bank balance healthy(ish), when you are no longer thinking about winning back your losses only to lose double, when you toss and turn during the night worrying about bills to pay. Take care buddy, we're walking the journey with you x

Thanks still no temptation to gamble, closing in on one week and feeling good! Positive outlook on life and I am determined to beat this

Good lad, keep up the good work