brokelads

Hi,

It seems you may have hit rock bottom so i am going to offer some pieces of advice.

Firstly get rid of the phone if that is your gambling platform. Downgrade to a non internet version.

Secondly (like me) you are caught in the circle of debt. Give Stepchange debt charity a call to identify the best options available to you. I pay a fixed fee to them each month which they distribute between my creditors. Any interest on thise debts is frozen as well. It also stops any threatening letters, phone calls or bailiff visits.

Credit rating - does it really matter in the short term. What matters is stopping gambling, staying stopped and moving into recovery.

I eventually told my wife but only becase the trap door was opening and i was falling through. You cant hide things like debt and missing payments forever. It will catch up.

Give Gamcare a call and think about counselling or GA.

Welcome to the forum as well!!

Best wishes

rightchoice wrote: anagram of l*******s....surely no coincidence?! It's been a while since I've posted on this site. And in truth my life has now come to the point I feel I have hit my rock bottom. Last April I was given a lifeline by my parents. I told them I had a lot of debt (18k) and they helped me out. This was all cleared through a loan which I'm paying back and 10k of there money to pay the rest. The one thing I didn't tell them was my debt was through gambling. Fast forward just over a year and I now have 30k of debt and am just beginning to miss payments on credit cards. No one is aware of what I am going through as I hide it all so well. I am engaged and have 2 beautiful girls aged 1 and 5. I earn quite good money. Some weeks I earn in excess of 1k but this is meaningless as it all goes on gambling. I feel totally lost at the moment without anyone to turn to. I self exclude online but then 're open an account elsewhere. I have tried using k9 blocker but my htc phone doesn't seem to be able to load it on. I wish I could get through this alone and tell myself (after a big loss) that's it no more. But then come pay day it starts all over again. I have managed for over 2 years to not miss payments on my borrrowings and am desperate to try maintain my credit score. However I feel the situatuion I'm in now I may struggle. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. We do have around 80k of equity in our house but I don't know if we'd be able to release any of this due to my already high borrowing on cc's. If I tell my missus what's going on I worry she'll leave and that would probably tip me over the edge. I need to take quitting seriously and today is where I begin.

My advice from a guy who lost his home.

Under Similar cumstances to yours.

Dont think of doing it unless you have your CG impulses firmly under control.

And i am sorry to say you will need some one to supervise your finances

I tried every thing to hide my addiction this led to me having a free hand to lose more and more

Not saying tell your wife thats your call but find somebody you can trust to help you through this

Not trying to upset you but think of the damage you could do with 80k

I had three times that amount and lost it all.

We CGs think the same way as soon as you got the money you would see it as a way of winning your money back..

Thanks for the replies guys. In regards to downgrading my phone I would if I could but as I'm not office based and I need my phone for work it's not an option unfortunately. I am going to give stepchange a call for advice. My biggest issue is a credit card with 15k on it. The min payment on this is around 375 so it's my most difficult one to manage. The other 15k Is split between cards that are all on 0% for a good while yet so the payments on these are manageable. If I stopped gambling I could probably pay off my debts in a year.

Marko thanks for your advice it's much appreciated. I'm pretty sure we couldn't 're mortgage anyway due to the high percentage of my available credit I'm using. Plus it would mean my partner finding out and I'm not ready for that yet.I need to focus on the things in life that make me happy. The difficulty is if I want to pay off my debt I need to work 6-7 day weeks leaving little time for my family. All I can do for now is my best to not gamble and take each day at a time.

Only a week ago i had around 6k to my name,a day off work saw me blow 3k and the rest has gone at various times. It's frightening how much and how fast u can lose your money.

I am definately depressed at the moment also as today has been so hard to motivate myself to work.

Once again thanks for your comments and I hope I can post some positive updates in the coming weeks/months.

I should say I've been suffering with a gambling problem for over15 years now and I'm 34. I know I have time to resolve my issues as I'm relatively young still but it will be a long bumpy road of that I'm certain!

Hi rightchoice.

Secrets fuel gambling and will eat you up inside. Your wife can be the greatest help in motivating you. At the moment you are living a lie in terms of honesty.

Make no mistake. This is about saving any quality of life you have left. At the moment you are in stage 1 thinking you can handle it and deal with it more or less alone but with financial help. However if they dont know the reason would you lend? Its all got the potential to get a million times worse. Your family need to know because you are not being truthful with them

To beat the addiction you will need someone to hand your phone to and keep you motivated while you put the blocks on and build up a healthy mind again.

Honesty with all your family is key. If this is a rock bottom you must act now. If you have mounted up debts it will all build up like a pressure cooker and come to a head. You cant live like that. There is a point where it all has to be faced up to. You will just end up in a cycle of stress gambling every time you feel more flush.

I have to be frank that there is a point where letting it all out and being honest is far better than a continued addiction which will utterly ruin you.

Ive been a credit controller and Ive been bankrupt. There is a point where even bankruptcy isnt important as long as you have a healthy mind and your self respect

You have lost sight of what is really important in life like your relationships with people

You can only pay back what you can afford. You need help and much reach out. Once you are getting that help you will not be able to gamble any more and counselling will help you see life clearly

Being gamble free is a lovely feeling and I hope you will join us.

You need to act very quickly though and you cant fight an addiction without honesty with the people close. Sure its a tough conversation but continuing to gamble will take you to lows that you havent imagined yet

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi there, I like your forum name as it is a good start; rightchoice to come on here - definitely! Life is about choices but addiction muddies the water and we become weighed down by the burden of chasing our losses. You have taken a step back and realised that you cannot go on like this and that is the right choice. Some may say you are taking the wrong choice in choosing not to tell your wife - but that is your choice at the moment. For me choosing to tell my husband was the best thing ever.

Gambling makes us irrational and even the biggest win is never enough as we cannot stop, we don't have an off switch. Debt is a consequence of our addiction but can be a temporary problem if we stop gambling and start paying off our debt. Like you I have a decent income and with the help of StepChange my debt will be paid over 3 years - without them I would be paying this off for the rest of my working life as I could only manage the minimum payment (I have a 5 figure debt).

I hope you make the choices which are right for you and your wee family. My counsellor once asked me what other relationship would you spend your time, money,effort and mental health on which gives you nothing in return? It's a no brainer, we would not stay in a relationship like that. Choose to sever ties with this parasite and give your all to those who matter the most.

Best wishes on your journey, you can do it. Take care

Thanks for the support annie. I hope in time I will be able to share this dark secret of mine with those close to me. It's horrible living this out alone but for now it's not the right time to tell them. I need to be able to show I've come part of the way 1st I feel so I have some positives to bring into the equation. Today has been ok. Finished work at 4 then out with the family for a small tea. Home now with the missus and work again tomorrow. No gambling and no major urges but I am off the back of some heavy losses and won't really have much money until a week or so. That will be the test for me really.

Do you mind me asking how it works with step change? Have they agreed terms with your creditors for you and you pay a nominal sum? It is something I may need to look into should I start to get behing on my credit cards. I'm hoping I won't as long as work stays busy.

Thanks againg for the comments. It helps when others who are going through a similar thing are around to give advice.

HI again. Hope you're having a good weekend.

Stepchange are a charity set up to help people deal with their debt. They will deal with your creditors and, with you set up affordable payments. It has been a lifesaver for me and I cannot recommend it highly enough. Obviously I would have rather not got myself into this mess in the first place, but I did and I need to deal with the fallout - such as poor credit rating - but I am happy with that.

You will find the main consensus on this site is to tell your partner and I can say that it was the best decision I made. However, I understand your fear and need to show her that you are trying to help yourself but remember telling your partner is also a positive step. Support on here is great, as is counselling, but nothing really beats getting rid of that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you think your partner may find out. But, again the choice is yours.

We're all here because we made stupid choices in the past, which took over our lives and consequently left us on the bones of our ar$es financially, emotionally and often physically. Don't punish yourself, just make the choice to go forward.

Take care buddy x