Dont let it destroy you as it has me

Hi podge it can only destroy you if you let it. Watch the documentary under ' watch this if you're addicted to slots'. Go to GA, hand over finances, confess. Self pity won't help you. You have to want to stop and you have to change,

I feel your pain believe me. You must stop , the longer gambling goes on the bigger the loss and the deeper the pain.

Thanks for comments guys, im waiting for a space for local counselling.
Let me know your stories as well, i would love to be able to help.
Thankyou.

Hi Podge i can identify with your story. And the struggle that you are facing. I have recently decided to stop gambling due to the consequences and how its making me feel. Most of what you have written i can identify with. At present i have lost all the money from my previous salary and dont have the money to gamble with. I have found myself borrowing to get through to the end of the month. Fortunately i havent gambled now for 13 days. I dont feel this is through choice at the present due to not having the funds. One thing i have done different this time is i have put my hands up to the people that matter in my life. No more secrets. From past experience i know that honesty is the starting point for recovery. Theres a saying secrets keep us sick.

I decided to access this site due to some guidance from a very good freind who i was honest with. Since i have been using the diary section i have been made aware of the turmoil my gambling has taken me through, not just that all those horrible feelings that the gambling brings up for me ( guilt, shame, depression, anxiety) and many more. This is all making me aware of why i need to stop.

I also have applied to have an assessment for counselling. I am preparing for the end of the month for when that salary lands in my account and the obssession hits me to gamble again.

Instead of acting on the impulse to gamble i know i need to do things differently this time. And i intend to reach out and own it and obviously makesure i have blocks in place. Im a great beleiver in sayings and one of my favourites is ( if you always do what you did, you will always get what you got ) sound familiar? Time to make some changes.

All i would say is keep accessing this site, use it, keep talking and most of all try to be honest with yourself and others.

I wish you luck

Thanks jon, you stick in there too. Im gona use the love for my family to get me through. I go for councelling too. Im going to grit my teeth and get through this. Im going to save up and give each of my children a fraction of what they deserve. Im going to get this sorted for them. I dont deserve it...they do. Self loathing wont help. Just going to pick myself up and get on with being there like i should have been for so many years. Thanks to anyone who shows some support. Thankyou so much. I want to help too. If anyone needs a chat im here alot lately. Sharing stories and maybe just someone on the same path can help.
Lets help eachother see it through to the end this time. Lets keep our hard earned money and not give it to the monster who always wins.
Thanks again

I really feel for you Podge, the self loathing and anxiety is really getting me down atm. Keep your chin up, things can only get better if we don't gamble.

Hi Podge

Hang in there. Focus on your family. But dont forget about yourself. Maybe take a look at some GA meetings. Dont worry about seeing someone you Know, cause if they are at a meeting then they have the same problem. They are anonymous and you dont have to give your full name. Face to face contact with others going through the same problem can be be very beneficial. Sharing your stuff with another who can identify with what your going through can be very therapeutic. One thing i noticed i cant do this alone, god how ive tried to control my gambling, and so many times i have said this is the last time never again.

My way never worked. Good luck with the counselling. My assessment is on Wednesday.

Like i said just hang in there. Take care.

Good luck with your assessment. I had one yesterday and will be waiting for my first counselling session to discuss the underlying issues I have which lead me to gamble as an escape.

Like others have said, think about attending a GA meeting. I went to my first one last Tuesday and I have to say it was one of the most terrifying things I did. I was the only female in the group but everyone made me feel very welcome. I didnt actually say much at my first session but just listening to some of the other stories and how little bits rang true for me did actually help. By the end of the session I was more relaxed and if the session had continued I felt I probably would have spoken up. For me, that is a very big thing because I rarely want to talk.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I am just a new member but reading other people's stories makes me realise that i am not alone and that helps. One thing I picked up on last night in chatroom is the need to occupy my time as being newly retired i think boredom does play a part. Good luck podge

Hi all, i hope you are well. The anxiety has been building lately with the end of the month approaching. It might sound strange but i wish someone would take control for me.
I feel like i have to trick myself if that makes any sense. Like two people living in the one mind. The gambler and the saint.
Ive taken steps this time. I deserve nothing so thats what i will get. My family gets it from here on in. Back payments for the years they missed out.
I love them,
Thankyou for your support. I wish i could offer guidance but just now all i can give is my story. Sometimes it helps to read your own problems through someone elses story.i hope it does anyway. All i can say is im right next to you all

Hi Podge

I know what you mean about it getting nearer to payday. The thoughts are going to come, but acting on them will only cause more pain. I have made the decision to pick up the phone when it is on me.

Hang in there podge. Put some blocks in place, keep using this site, if the thoughts come share them either on this site or call someone maybe the Gamcare phone line. Its surprising when you share when you feel like gambling how it can take the power out of it. Plus having another remind you of the misery that it will bring you really helps. Its obvious from what you write you love your familly very much. One tool that can be very useful is having a photo of them in your pocket, when the urge comes look at the photo to remind you of why your trying to learn to manage this problem.

Good luck Podge

Take care