Hello all,
I don't even know where to start...it's the all familiar story I'm sure many of you have read multiple times, not even sure if there is any point in posting this but I feel like I need to get it off my chest before I end up doing something stupid...
I've been Sports bettings for a number of years, I don't even recall exactly how long. I love sports and played Tennis and Football to a semi-professional level up until a few years ago when I injured my knee and had to kill the professional sports player dream. But the idea of betting on sports appealed to me as I have a good understanding of how things work. I restriced my betting to Tennis and Football which I thought I knew inside out. I always thought of Sports betting as a kind of an investment and laughed at people who played casino games or other types of betting and called them fools who gambled. Little did I know that Sports betting was no different. Now I've always had an internal struggle (especially after losses) to stop and let go of previous losses but somehow I ended up convincing myself that I should get back on the horse and make better choices to bring back my losses and maybe make some profit. My classic line to make myself feel better was "investment costs money and sometimes we lose, no reason to quit"...I was wrong.
This on and off struggle continued until yesterday where I was riding high, Saturday football games were coming in thick and fast and after the Man City 7-2 thrashing of Stoke City, I was up nearly £26K, things started looking promising and I thought this is my chance to finally get something out of my "investment"...I started lumping on different bets, initially I lost a bit and then the chasing started. Eventually got to a point that I staked £18K on "a sure bet" with 3 teams in a multiple. 2 of the choices came in good pretty early in the game and I thought the bet would get me to £30K clean and I'd withdraw that and quit for a long time...but my 3rd choice, Juventus (double chance) at home against Lazio, was shakey! They'd of course conceded and the emotional roller coaster was well and truely peaking. Juve were losing 1-2 and the whole game I was hovering over the 'Cash out' button watching the number drop and drop. I just couldn't bring myself to hit the button I had prepared myself for the loss and already smashed a glass of water against the wall thinking how stupid I was...NOW to the WORST part, eventually at the last kick of the game (the 97th minute!!) Juve were awarded a penalty, you should have seen my face, I was like a dying J****E who had just got a 2nd chance at life, I dropped to my knees with my heart racing 200 mph praying to every god known to man that this was my last bet ever, just let this ball go in. It was their best player taking the penalty (P. Dybala) and I thought penalties are usually in the favour of the penalty taker (from many years of playing football myself). Well low and behold he missed the penalty and the ref blew the final whistle. I felt like I'd just been punched by Tyson, to have come that close and to lose it all was an emotional hit that my brain couldn't comprehend, I started laughing uncontrollably and then crying, then in what I could only call a moment of sheer madness (what felt like a moment must have been a couple of hours, I don't even know, I'm not even joking, this period is a complete blank in my mind) I emptied my savings account and 2 credit cards and lost another £7K on some bets which I have no idea what they were (still need to review to see what choices I made!!!). When the last bet lost, the sun was just peaking through the horizon, I felt somewhere between reality and a dream.
I haven't slept a blink since last night, I don't know if I can ever sleep again. The thought of what I've done and the nearly £30K I've lost in 1 night...1 f******* NIGHT!!! is killing me. The TV has been running non-stop and I can't even hear the sound anymore. All I remember was one of those charity adverts coming on about children in Africa or some other place asking for a £5 per month donation and the difference that could make to their life and I just sat there in tears thinking what the money I lost could do for these people. I don't even recognise myself anymore...now I'm sat here and it all feels like a nightmare I had last night and I keep pinching myself to wake up but alas it's all real. I got on here and read some stuff then went and self excluded from a number of online sports bookies. I got my betting history statements and to my devastation I've come to realise that I've lost over £120K in the last couple of years, the saddest part is I didn't even know I'd lost that much, I had never bothered to even check...like an addict that never cares how much drugs they've used...oh the gambling degenerate I have become...
My card got declined trying to buy a cup of coffee this afternoon and the girl at my local coffee shop said it was ok and the coffee was on her, maybe it's because she has seen me as a customer there before or maybe she just looked at me and felt sorry for my puffy face and red eyes.
I see no light at the end of this tunnel, how I'm going to go to work on Monday or function at all, I have no idea. I have a job that I love and I'm sure I'll end up losing that as well...if my GF or family found out they'd probably wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore. I have turned my phone off as I can't take anyone's calls today. I'm sure it's for the best if they abandon me...I guess it's the price I have to pay for being an addict. I always looked at drug addicts and thought what a bunch of losers, but who knew I was a more degenerate addict than all of them! I've been thinking about calling the suicide line but haven't managed to bring myself to do it. I don't even think I'd have the guts to commit suicide, I've never been more disappointed in myself than now, a coward who only had Dutch courage off the back of dopamine released by winning/losing bets.
IF you managed to read this far, thank you, here was a leaf out of the book I call my miserable life...come to think of it, I've never been happy in the last few years, lost interest in the simple pleasures in life and now I've lost interest in life itself. I pray (to a God I don't believe in) that I see better days, where I'm not ill anymore, where I'm like how I was as a kid, happy and with blissful ignorance.
Hope my story helps someone else...please take this invisible demon seriously, it has taken away my life and might take away yours if you let it!!
Hi DJC that is one serious rollercoaster you went on there, you are not alone with big losses, myself and many others on here have some serious years of paying back debts for some serious degenerate gambling. And it looks like gambling has you at that stage where you dont give a f. The cliche line is stop gambling and get your life back, it's the only way. I used to think I was a good gambler I had it sussed, but the CG took over and I was looking for Glory Road. Start a diary, count the days and dont look back a lot of good people here will support you and help you break on through to the other side. Well done for posting DJC count 15/10/2017 as day one. You can do it.
Hello DJC,
Welcome to the forum and well done for posting your introduction.
It is good that you've self-excluded from a number of online gambling accounts. You might also like to protect yourself further by using blocking filters/ parental controls/ restrictions: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software#.VCA52fldXww
You've mentioned that although you love your job, you're not feeling sure if you will be feeling well enough to work tomorrow. Your post describes how you haven't have much sleep and how you feel you've been on an emotional roller coaster this weekend. If you have concerns about your physical or emotional well-being, you could talk with your GP, in case they can diagnose and treat any health issue.
You've also posted about the possibility of calling a suicide helpline, perhaps you mean the Samaritans freephone helpline 116 123. They are available 24 hours a day if you'd like to talk with them about how you've been feeling. https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
You can also call us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 if you'd like to talk about your recovery from problem gambling; there is a lot of free professional and peer support available, for example free 1-2-1 therapy sessions, online or face-to-face, group therapy, gamblers anonymous meetings, and other types of help. You're welcome to call us for emotional support and for help with accessing other services.
Take care,
Forum admin.
Hi DJC
Your words almost bought me to tears, not the money but the pain you are currently feeling.
I am not experienced or qualified enough to give you immediate advice but all I will say is please, please talk to someone and get some help. Everyone's situation is different but there is both professional help available through here and plenty of people who have been through similar situations. Talking to a family member or friend at the very least might help you see a bit more clearly but I obviously don't know your circumstances.
Bottling it up and trying to deal with it yourself is making it a lot more difficult.
Good luck and keep posting so we know you are ok.
Muststop123
DJC, welcome, you are amoungst people what have been to the dark place that you are now.
My story is only different because my addiciton was online slots.
I lost my home, my daughters home to this addiciton, I made us homeless. But things can change DJC. This pain will ease, the days will lapse without you having any control over dawn breaking and night falling and before you realise the loss will be in the past. There is nothing that you can do to change the past. You have every control over your future.
We are with you DJC all the way.
Oh my God, this is insane. How evil is gambling. It doesnot make sense, gambling should be illegal.its just not right.. 🙁 what happened with you might be your biggest wake up call. So please stop, u've made 120k i know its lost now but hopefully you can make similar or more in the future. Looking foward to hear from you, let us know how u getting on.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
