Down and out

Hi
Flamingo

What changes have you put in place? Do you have proper watertight barriers. Theres no quick fix to this. You need a concerted commitment to change

Dan

At the moment I have done nothing to stop it which is why my girlfriend has kicked me out. She has been my rock for so long but there's only so much one person can take. It feels so hard to take these steps alone. I downloaded k9 to my phone which is what I do most of my betting on these days but it doesn't seem to work, can anyone advise a good alternative. My plan is to not have access to my funds so readily but I'm not sure who can now help me with this, to exclude myself from all betting sites as at the moment I just can't help myself! For the future I would dearly love to have the possibility of a normal life with a family but for now just not gambling is enough for me and gaining some sense of self respect back.

Hi Flamingo,

As day@atime sates you have to have watertight barriers in place. THERE IS NO MAGIC FIX.

Please do what Half-Life suggests. Ditch the phone.

You are truly addicted to gambling. Therefore you have to make it as diffficult as you can to prevent access to gambling facilities.

Destroy your debit card. Order a new one and destroy it before you see the number and three digits. Only go to the bank to draw the minimum out over the counter.

I guess I'm a lot older than you so I've got a lot more experience on the hell of being a CG. I wrecked my life totally i went through Thousands of £'s.

You've still got a chance of salvaging something from your wreckage. If you think your having a bad time. It's nothing to what I've been through. Don't follow in my footsteps. Be committed to giving up gambling entirely. SEE A COUNSELLOR VIA Gamcare or attend GA meetings.

See sense and get out while your still in one piece.

Only you can be the master of your destiny. It's in your hands.

In time your girlfriend may take you back. I don't know. You will have to prove to her by deeds that you are worthy.

Take Care

If k9 is not working i presume you have an apple product disable safari then download k9

Hi Flamingo

Sorry to hear that you have relapsed but as a former gambling addict myself, it does not surprise me. At times I found the urges truly irresistible and as a strong minded, determined and positive person, I found it difficult to comprehend my lack of self control. In retrospect, I understand that it is the powerful strength of the addiction that is so hard to repel and this is not a reflection of one's desire or willpower to stop. When the irresistible force meets the unstoppable object something has to give. When you fail, get up stronger; if you find a weakness in your defence, fortify it; if you keep on trying you will win.

I don't know if you have tried GA or what area you live in, but although GA is not universally effective, there are some very strong groups and if you can find one of these it will greatly ease your path. I have some great links that I will dig out for you in order that you may learn more about the addiction and how to combat it. Always look for positives, but not excuses and hope, but not expect that others will support you. In the final analysis, it is you that really has to want it. I reached the point where I thought my next bet might kill, but even with that as a motivation, I still needed blocking software to keep me away. THE ADDICTION REALLY IS THAT POWERFUL!

The good news is that once the cycle of addiction and habitual behaviour is broken, the rest is easy and you will discover what you are truly capable of. The bad news is that breaking that cycle is tough. This stuff is as addictive as heroin, make no mistake, don't underestimate it.

Here is my favourite poem. I hope it helps to inspire you:

It Couldn't Be Done, Edgar Guest

Somebody said that it couldn't be done,

But he with a chuckle replied

That "maybe it couldn't," but he would be one

Who wouldn't say so till he'd tried.

So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin

On his face. If he worried he hid it.

He started to sing as he tackled the thing

That couldn't be done, and he did it.

Somebody scoffed: "Oh, you'll never do that;

At least no one ever has done it";

But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,

And the first thing we knew he'd begun it.

With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,

Without any doubting or quiddit,

He started to sing as he tackled the thing

That couldn't be done, and he did it.

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,

There are thousands to prophesy failure;

There are thousands to point out to you, one by one,

The dangers that wait to assail you.

But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,

Just take off your coat and go to it;

Just start to sing as you tackle the thing

That "cannot be done," and you'll do it.

I will post those links for you in the next couple of days.

All The best

Ken

Thanks sunbeam,

that was a really helpful and inspiring post. I have started on my quest to stop gambling and put blockers in place but I have a lot still to do. So far I have self excluded myself from my betting accounts for the max 5 year period but ofcourse there are so many more opportunities out there. My credit card, which I had blocked receiving statements for to keep the secret, has been cancelled and a new one has been sent out to my gf's address so I don't see it! I am currently in America on what was supposed to be a dream holiday with my girlfriend and 2 friends but because of my betting it turned into a bit of a nightmare. I did manage to transfer £400 into my gf's account before I spent all my holiday money but I am on a massive budget now which effects everyone. When I get back I need to ditch the phone but since Thursday I haven't been able to do this with no money to get a basic one and work relying on getting hold of me. My bank account has nothing in it but I need my card whilst in US as I get paid while out here and need to get some more travel money so that will have to wait till I return. However, I can definitely resist whilst out here and have the help of my friend and gf who will be checking up on me.

The poem is great, things like that really give me a lift as I know I can do it and like it says so many people don't believe you can, and why should they when you try and fail so many times but each time you fail you learn something and you can take that forward to the next time if you use your head! It is no longer about the day to day of not gambling for me but more about a life choice and I do not want to be doing the same thing in 5 years time alone and miserable. I am a very happy and content type of person but betting is brought me more misery than I could ever have imagined. It feels now like I am only just about to start on the right life path and I am nearly 30 so i have lost so many good years. Anyway, I must accept the things I cannot change and move forward. I tried GA but I went to a 12 steps group and it was very heavy on the religious side and a few people got a bit pushy in their advice / orders which is something that really puts me off as I like to find my own way. However I will try looking for an alternative when I get back as it is good to share my deep dark thoughts on the subject with likeminded people.