Hey all.
I have been here before, mostly just reading but I am making this post now as yesterday finally I have had enough. I’ve been aware that I was a problem gambler for quite some time and have stopped for periods however I have relapsed occasionally and the past the month more than occasionally, after yesterday I just feel so fed up and tired.
I’m 30 years old now and have been betting for as long as I remember mostly football and horses. It wasn’t until I turned about 25 that it really became a problem and my debts started to pile up. I was always known as a gambler, and led people to believe I was good at it, I had a reputation for picking winners and people where always coming to me for tips in the big races and calling me a legend when the tips won, I loved it and let it go to my head. I made the fatal mistake of thinking I was good at it. Pretty soon my bets got bigger and more common, and somewhere along the way I lost all sense of self control and was sitting up late night searching for a race or football game somewhere in the world to bet on and these days there always is.
My debts are around £4000 now and I have managed to shift it on a 0% card so things are better on that front than they have been in a while and I will hopefully get that cleared in a few months. I can accept and deal with the thought of the money I’ve lost which over the last 5 years is a lot but what I find overwhelming sometimes is thinking of how gambling has made me act, how it changed my personality, the lies I’ve told, people I’ve hurt, relationships I’ve lost, the respect and self-respect I’ve lost, it turned me from someone who was a good person into someone who was selfish, someone who lied to people he loved and someone who was not a good person. Before when I made attempts to quit I found it very difficult, I was overcome with boredom, I found find myself drinking too much and depressed, it had been part of me and been an obsession for so long I felt I didn’t know who I was anymore. I feel different this time though, I have had enough finally, I finally accept that this is something I need to live with and be wary of, I can never have just one bet. It is not easy regaining control, it is battle and what makes it difficult is that it is yourself you are battling. I have always liked the Japanese proverb “fall down 7 times, get up 8” I’m standing for the 8th time now.
Well that’s my introduction. Best of luck to you all on your roads to recovery.
Good luck. Similar to you my addition started with horses and I would be seen as someone who knew what they were doing tipping winners to friends. This escalated to heavy betting and then on-line sports betting and then it would go wrong as I would back total points or goals just so I would get a buzz from watching not really picking out likely outcomes or a game I cared about! The Internet was all too easy to just type in a number and not really have the realisation of what could happen if you lost. I've lost well over £40k over the years hiding it with new cc and loans to fill the void and then repaying chucks back with my wage. My advice would be to stop now whilst it is still managable. I look back now with so many regrets on the time I have wasted and whilst I have still have relapses I'm happier with the person I am and gradually getting my personality and life back. Just forget the losses and ignore the fact you "could win". As a CG you never win as you cannot stop and it has taken me a long time to realise this and just try and stay occupied and replace that 'buzz' with other things...sport, running or reading..anything but gambling!
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