I have been gambling for about 12 years, I started when I was with an abusive partner who refused to let me work so told me I could "earn my keep" playing online poker tournaments... we never won enough to earn anything by the way!
Anyway, when I left him, I left the online poker behind for several years. I would go to the casino every now and again and have a safe and fun time.
Something happened a few years ago, I can't really remember what but I fell back into the dark world of online gambling. Probably for the last 5 years I have not gone more than a couple of weeks without placing an online bet. I go to the casino regularly with my partner and it is easier to control when he is there because he likes to set a limit on what we spend (good man!). Sometimes I have been to the casino without him and blown ££££s. However it is the online world that is causing me huge problems - I cannot control myself. I self exclude, I sign up to a new casino. I set deposit limits, I change them and wait the 24 hours. I borrow money I can't afford from ridiculous payday lenders and end up in a cycle where I gamble, win, pay them off, gamble, lose, get them back and so on.
I earn a good salary and last year my parents paid off most of my debt and I was looking forward to enjoying my salary for myself. I was able to go out and buy myself nice things, treat myself to a holiday (not paid in full yet) and treat my family for a whole month...
But the compulsion to gamble clawed back in and here I am, crying on my bed with £3.67 in my bank to last me until the end of the month....
I cannot tell my partner, he will leave me. My parents, at least one of them, have suspicions but I can't admit it to them either as they would be so disappointed. I have however, registered with a local counsellor, I am hoping to understand my triggers and how I can overcome the need to gamble. I thought it was to overcome my debt... but once I was pretty much debt free I simply started again so there must be another reason and I can't find it alone.
Hello Cheese, and welcome to the GamCare forum. First of all, I just want to let you know I moved your post to New Member Introductions because that's the section where forum members are more likely to welcome you. Hopefully forum members will be along to say hello and offer suggestions.
You've done really well to acknowledge that this is a problem for you, and that clearing your debt didn't solve it. It's great that you've arranged counselling - that's a very positive step. It sounds like you've been through a lot in your life particularly in your previous abusive relationship. There are a lot of other practical steps you can take to help you stop gamblin gonline. As I said, I'm sure other forum members will be along to let you know what's worked for them. But have a look at the following section of our website:
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do
You'd also be welcome to give us a call on the Freephone HelpLine 0808 8020 133, or chat to us on the NetLine.
Keep posting,
Deirdre
Forum Admin
Hi cheese just wanted to drop by and wish you well, I’m not very good at advice but would suggest self excluding and from the casino you go to and blocking software. Best wishes Lulu x
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