Hi everyone,
I am a first time poster but a mid - long term gambling addict.
Have been gambling for around 6 years at varying levels and am despite stopping many times have always returned. The scariest thing for me is how I can go for long stints without gambling only to do serious financial damage in the space of hours.
I have seen lockdown affect gamblers in various ways, some positive and negative. For me this period has been a disaster. Despite still working (albeit from home) my routine has gone out of the window and with my expenses being so minimal (living with parents) I have been viewing all my income with no respect.
I feel that my gambling addiction is so multi layered that I cant entertain the idea of any sort of wagering anymore. Too many times can I justify to myself to gamble in some capacity, only for it to end in the inevitable self destruction.
At time of writing everything seems so clear. My flaws, my reasoning for gambling and most importantly my mindset of never wanting to gamble again. However, I know that this is a recurring stage of my gambling process and it is about sustaining this mind set I currently have. One of clarity and hope. With that in mind, I am aiming to journal here where possible to log my impulses, rather than burying them and only delaying the inevitable.
Thanks for all that contribute to the site, reading the struggles and triumphs really helps me process why I do the things I do and gives me hope that if I can take each day as it comes, I can still live a happy and prosperous life.
Dear @breaking-the-cycle,
Thank you for posting and sharing your experience on the forum and reaching out for support. You are right the current situation can be incredibly challenging for a lot of people and make pull to gamble even stronger.
I am sure you will get some fantastic advice and support from our great forum users but if you haven’t already done so, can I recommend you give one of our Advisers a call on either our HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 or our NetLine, they will be able to talk you through all the support that is available to help you on your road to recovery.
Kind Regards
John
Hi Breaking the cycle and you are very much welcome.
It is a multilayered and complex addiction. Stress and anxiety were my main triggers because it was my drug of choice to try and escape for a while.
Im feeling very anxious now as my industry will be the last to recover. However I am clear now that gambling is not the answer and is a drug that was killing me. I am crystal clear on that now as my mind has healed and strengthened against it.
I would just like to focus on binge gambling which is very dangerous. The times inbetween are no sign of control and its often used by addicts including me to delude themselves
I knew a binge alcoholic and for a couple of week stints inbetween she was sweetness and light...you start to think she can control it then the binge happens again and she drinks for four days straight ends up in police cells and selling all her possessions to taxi drivers for peanuts.
A gambling binge will deeply hurt you and the addiction progresses deeper until you fight back and enter a full abstention recovery.
I would use this time to have a chat with your parents and get your savings somewhere safe away from you
Its about the reality check of talking things through with a non gambler. Talk through a gambling session because you need to see how they react to throwing your money away
Openness and honesty are your saviours.
Ideally you need to be monitored by family and living on an allowance which gives your mind time to heal
You will find a serenity in realising that you can never be complacent again. Your recovery journey is about turning a lifetime recovery into a positive statement you are proud of.
I have a rainy day fund now but more importantly I have control of my life back
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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