My story begins when I was 13. I was on holiday and my grandad and gran would take me to the bookies to place a bet. Before that time I never even knew what betting was. If I would ever be at my grandads I would get annoyed as he would always have the racing on when I was trying to watch Nickelodeon or something like that. So it was a great holiday I was having with my grandparents. Then my granddad took me to this pub that had a bookmaker in Spain.
He asked me to pick out four horses for a lucky 15. He placed 1 euro and 50 cent on. I had big priced horses and three of them had won. I was stunned. I had one of the best holidays of my life as a result. A 13 year old walking around with 250 euros in his pocket. If I only knew what damage was done in that moment, at the time. I do wonder whether or not it would be different now.
So I have been gambling for 15 years now. I have chucked away nearly all my wage a couple of days after payday every single month and I keep on lying and lying and lying my way through everything. Now though I think its a wake up moment for me.
I had a lovely home with my girlfriend of two years. A brand new build, the rent was a lot but we were both on a full time wage at the time. My girlfriend then fell ill and had to take the half year off sick and I carried us through the bills at the time. Truth is however, I did it by borrowing off friends and family as I could not beat the gambling addiction.
At times, I convince myself I am a professional on the horses. I will sometimes go down to the shop and buy a racing post. Even though I barely have any money to my name. In my head, I have a chance at winning thousands on that day. In the end, I could not keep up the payments on the house. It was way too much and overwhelming and in the end I knew we would get notice to evict and we did shortly after. While I convinced my girlfriend at the time it was good for us the move, I didn't really believe it as it was a lovely home.
Lockdown happened and no sport!! What a time for me that was. I wasn't getting a lot of income as the wages were furloughed, however no sport was a fantastic thing, as there was nothing for me to have an opinion on anymore. While the income I was getting was not great, not gambling and enjoying my time with my girlfriend was something very special and it is a time in my life that I know I would not forget as my brain was able to switch off from sporting events. I also found out during this time that my girlfriend would be having our baby. I am going to be a dad.
So eventually eviction notices were going to be upheld and I knew we would have to go. That feeling when you know you are the cause of everything is just so tough. Still it didn't stop me. I know this is all wrong but I just couldn't stop. I found us a new house and we are now two months into the tenancy, and i did the first month and the second months payments fine made them, as i thought if its the first thing i pay ill be okay. Then i was paid a day before the rent was due to be paid this month, and what went through my mind.
You can win an extra 300 before you have to pay the rent if you back this horse. 6 short hours later, i had lost my entire wage. Not just the rent money, but the entire wage. I have no one left to borrow off because everyone else i owe. Family and friends all owed out. I have lied to my girlfriend saying the rent is paid as i dont want to tell her the truth as we will argue and she is now late pregnant and i don't want anything to happen to the baby.
Everything is running through my head as i know the next four weeks before i get paid again will now be extremely tough. No rent paid, no money to live off, no food shopping. Nothing. I actually hate myself. I genuinely genuinely hate myself. I can't risk starting off bad relationships with the landlord and as its through an estate agent it is even worse as you don't truly know what is being told to the landlord. One months rent in arrears that i will need to pay, i just really do not want us to get evicted again. I can't deal with it again.
All through my stupid gambling. I was contemplating suicide, but think how selfish am i. I have a child on the way and a girlfriend whom im besotted with. I have installed the online gambling ban and also now self excluded from everywhere. I can't tell my landlord i have a gambling addiction though. He would never want me as a tenant. So i do not even know what i am going to say there.
My girlfriend is a joint tenant also so there is the risk that she finds out that the rent isn't paid if they decide to call her. If they do, my late pregnant girlfriend will be stressed out. I have been so selfish in gambling but I genuinely could not help it at the time. I already mentioned I had a gambling problem to her a few months back and she said she would leave me. I am scared that if my friends knew they would judge me.
I hate myself.
Hello darkcreed10
Welcome to the Forum and well done for your honesty and for reaching out. You have taken such a positive step and I am sure you will get a lot of support here from your peers who are in Recovery from Problem gambling.
Your story above is very painful and I sincerely do hope that you can find the courage to make contact with one of our Advisers who are available 24/7 to help you through this. You can contact an Adviser by calling our Helpline on 0800 8020 133 or using our LiveChat option. I encourage you to contact us so we can discuss the best way forward to overcome the impact of gambling that has devastated your life right now.
There is a way forward even though you may feel completely hopeless right now - please know that you are no longer alone.
Best
Amanda
Forum Admin
Hi Darkcreed10
I am so sorry to hear about your awful experience with gambling. I understand that feeling of self hate and despair!! But you have made the vest move!! Gamban Gamstop!! And gamcare are so supportive! I am only 5 days gamble free so it's all new to me too. Its very brave to do what you've done and thank you for sharing your story..
You will come through this!! Just believe! I know it feels so overwhelming and that you have a mountain to climb... But maybe like me tackle one debt at a time and now that you have made such a big commitment, putting things in place to once and for all stop. Then hopefully your girlfriend will see that and will feel reassured.
I wish you lots of positivity and strength I'm sure you possess to sort things out regarding your rent.
Gamcare people are great to talk to.. So please do contact them. They have helped me so much.
Kindest wishes ?
My story begins when I was 13. I was on holiday and my grandad and gran would take me to the bookies to place a bet. Before that time I never even knew what betting was. If I would ever be at my grandads I would get annoyed as he would always have the racing on when I was trying to watch Nickelodeon or something like that. So it was a great holiday I was having with my grandparents. Then my granddad took me to this pub that had a bookmaker in Spain.
He asked me to pick out four horses for a lucky 15. He placed 1 euro and 50 cent on. I had big priced horses and three of them had won. I was stunned. I had one of the best holidays of my life as a result. A 13 year old walking around with 250 euros in his pocket. If I only knew what damage was done in that moment, at the time. I do wonder whether or not it would be different now.
So I have been gambling for 15 years now. I have chucked away nearly all my wage a couple of days after payday every single month and I keep on lying and lying and lying my way through everything. Now though I think its a wake up moment for me.
I had a lovely home with my girlfriend of two years. A brand new build, the rent was a lot but we were both on a full time wage at the time. My girlfriend then fell ill and had to take the half year off sick and I carried us through the bills at the time. Truth is however, I did it by borrowing off friends and family as I could not beat the gambling addiction.
At times, I convince myself I am a professional on the horses. I will sometimes go down to the shop and buy a racing post. Even though I barely have any money to my name. In my head, I have a chance at winning thousands on that day. In the end, I could not keep up the payments on the house. It was way too much and overwhelming and in the end I knew we would get notice to evict and we did shortly after. While I convinced my girlfriend at the time it was good for us the move, I didn't really believe it as it was a lovely home.
Lockdown happened and no sport!! What a time for me that was. I wasn't getting a lot of income as the wages were furloughed, however no sport was a fantastic thing, as there was nothing for me to have an opinion on anymore. While the income I was getting was not great, not gambling and enjoying my time with my girlfriend was something very special and it is a time in my life that I know I would not forget as my brain was able to switch off from sporting events. I also found out during this time that my girlfriend would be having our baby. I am going to be a dad.
So eventually eviction notices were going to be upheld and I knew we would have to go. That feeling when you know you are the cause of everything is just so tough. Still it didn't stop me. I know this is all wrong but I just couldn't stop. I found us a new house and we are now two months into the tenancy, and i did the first month and the second months payments fine made them, as i thought if its the first thing i pay ill be okay. Then i was paid a day before the rent was due to be paid this month, and what went through my mind.
You can win an extra 300 before you have to pay the rent if you back this horse. 6 short hours later, i had lost my entire wage. Not just the rent money, but the entire wage. I have no one left to borrow off because everyone else i owe. Family and friends all owed out. I have lied to my girlfriend saying the rent is paid as i dont want to tell her the truth as we will argue and she is now late pregnant and i don't want anything to happen to the baby.
Everything is running through my head as i know the next four weeks before i get paid again will now be extremely tough. No rent paid, no money to live off, no food shopping. Nothing. I actually hate myself. I genuinely genuinely hate myself. I can't risk starting off bad relationships with the landlord and as its through an estate agent it is even worse as you don't truly know what is being told to the landlord. One months rent in arrears that i will need to pay, i just really do not want us to get evicted again. I can't deal with it again.
All through my stupid gambling. I was contemplating suicide, but think how selfish am i. I have a child on the way and a girlfriend whom im besotted with. I have installed the online gambling ban and also now self excluded from everywhere. I can't tell my landlord i have a gambling addiction though. He would never want me as a tenant. So i do not even know what i am going to say there.
My girlfriend is a joint tenant also so there is the risk that she finds out that the rent isn't paid if they decide to call her. If they do, my late pregnant girlfriend will be stressed out. I have been so selfish in gambling but I genuinely could not help it at the time. I already mentioned I had a gambling problem to her a few months back and she said she would leave me. I am scared that if my friends knew they would judge me.
I hate myself.
Your to hard on yourself
Hi Darkcreed19 and welcome to the forum.
Like it or not your grandparents pushed this upon you at a very vulnerable age. An age that really sparks addiction as I started when I was twelve. The brain neurons form paths of heightened pleasure and awareness based on drug addiction.
Make no mistake...it was like them handing you a packet of cigarettes or heavy alcohol at such a young age. They may have thought it was innocent but they were most probably addicts themselves and you would always have seen them gambling when you were around
This is why even the government have to state a ban for youngsters although it was and is barely enforced in some sectors of gambling.
You were given an immense high and you have been hooked ever since.
However the brain wants dopamine and adrenaline...thats the fix it wants and its not really about the money.
Now the reality which you really know. Nobody has ever offered you life changing odds on the only four legged horse in the race......NOBODY!
All the rest of it is delusion cause by a drug addiction,,,thinking you are a clever gambler with the racing post. Its all a game....a quite sinister game when you scratch the surface.
The people really trying to beat the "system" get involved in doping scandals and highly illegal activity.
Not that gambling itself should be legal...its a destructive money grabbing force run by sharks
However the system is rigged and you have a drug addiction for playing it. You need to learn that fast and then in depth.
Gambling is a mugs game,,,its there for money you can afford to chuck down a grid. I debate whether it was ever entertainment but its certainly highly addictive and a progressive illness.
You are not sticking it to the man! They own you and every tenner in a blue moon is stained with the misery and false hop of other punters. They took your self respect and dignity away ages ago
Youve seen what its done to you. It does that to millions of others. Rows breakups, bankruptcy, homelessness and total ruin...these are the side effects of gambling which kill people to be blunt.
Please reach out and tell people...reach out for help. There is ultimately no shame in seeking help...you can live a positive life again if you are truly ready.
Secrets will eat you up. The way now is honesty.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hi Darkcreed 10
Sorry to hear of your situation I know it’s not a good place to be in from personal experience. The good news is you have taken the step to speak to the best people around to help you in Gamcare. I tried to beat this gambling addiction by myself a couple of times and the best I did was 6 months but started again with small “harmless” football and lottery bets.
When I spoke to Gamcare they gave me appointments with a counsellor over the phone, put me in touch with Stepchange debt charity and Gamstop. Since then I’ve not gambled for over 1000 days and my life is all the better for it.
It’s not easy and I’m still repaying debt through stepchange and will do for another 18 months but they have given me a budget that leaves enough money to live a nice life.
Your rent would go on your budget as a priority bill and arrears get paid first.
I was also able to take the massive step of telling my partner about this and I’m telling you she was not at all pleased but said if I committed to stopping all gambling and stuck to Stepchange plan we would be fine and if not she is off. I’ve stuck to it since and we have been fine.
Please speak to Gamcare support if you haven’t already and be strong for your girlfriend/baby and yourself.
Take care
Iain
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