Giving up the dream if it ever even was one

Hello, 

I'm sorry to read that you are feeling so bad but wanted to stress that better times can be just around the corner. If you truly want to make a difference then you have to start putting some controls in place and there are options out there for you, especially if online gambling is your thing. Banks will block transactions, Gamstop can put blocks on you for periods from 6 months to 5 years (I have chosen 5 years, that was 2 years ago and it was the best decision I ever made), there is software you can install on phone/laptop. 

You need to draw a line on what has gone because it's not coming back and no amount of chasing will bring it back, it will very likely make it worse. I'm not going to add much more than to say, think of short term goals, start chipping away at it, one step at a time. Others will offer you way more/better advice than I can offer but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in this.

Take care pal.

Simon

a gambling lifestyle is no dream i can tell you that much 

more like a nightmare 

I think maybe you confuse money with achievement and self esteem. You might win money gambling, but you haven't earned it and it will not give you anything to be proud of. If you earn a living, then you have made that happen yourself. You are a provider, even if it is only for yourself and this gives you self esteem and a sense of connection to society and to others.

Gambling usually fills the gap we leave open in our lives, time we should be spending with our families, achieving our goals, fulfilling our ambitions and working on improving ourselves as human beings... Gambling removes a person's work ethic. It is hard to see the value in going to work for £50 a day when you can just put a few quid on a bet. It is about instant gratification and that means that the more you do it, the less attractive all your other hobbies, interests and work seem to be. Everything else loses value because gambling offers such a high level of dopamine, the drug that gets you addicted and keeps you betting. The more you gamble, the more dopamine you need to feel good. You lose interest in your social life, your hobbies and you basically become a slave to the drug. Gambling is sometimes about escapism. It's not really living, it's avoiding real life. The life of a gambler is no life at all. Gambling actually fills the space where a life used to be. That's basically what drugs, gambling and alcohol do. They alter perception of real life until that becomes the norm and you can't do without it. Then nothing matters except the next hit.

You love gambling because you have conditioned your brain to want to bet. But you don't like the affects of your gambling on your life and can see how it has affected you over time, including losing relationships etc.

Maybe you have some unresolved issues surrounding death and relationship break ups. Maybe you are struggling with depression or self worth and looking for a gambling to make you feel better, for it to give you purpose and direction. Perhaps it might benefit you to speak to a GP when you can to see if you can get some help to feel better.

The answers are not in gambling and you won't find them in drugs or alcohol either because all they do is help you to lose a little bit more of yourself. They are ways of self medicating when people feel down but they don't solve the problems, they actually prevent you from dealing with them because while you gamble, drink and take drugs, you are actually avoiding your problems instead of dealing with them. When you are drinking, gambling or taking drugs, all your problems are still there and won't go away unless you tackle them. You can numb the pain, but it won't go away and when you wake up the next day, you feel so bad that you just end up doing it all again to forget that you feel so worthless and the cycle continues. Deal with your problems and then you won't need the drugs or the gambling. You might not think you have issues, but then ask yourself why are you doing all these things? Perhaps you continue to do them because you feel stuck and want to change but don't really know how?

You are very young. At your age, I was only just starting out on my journey as an addict and wish I knew what I know now. It is very good that you can see what this is doing to you at this age because this gives you a great advantage to turn things around. 

On the plus side, you have a job and you earn a decent living but no amount of money really makes people happy. That is just an illusion. Happiness comes from contentment, from job security, from doing a good job and feeling a sense of pride, from self respect and from having a place in the community. It's not about the wage you take home but how that helps you fulfil all of the above.

Gambling and drugs will take all that from you. When you win money, it is empty, it has no meaning. It has no love or hard work behind it. It is something for nothing and that's why the happiness doesn't last because it isn't giving you anything solid like true happiness and life fulfilment.

You lack self esteem because you are looking for it in your wallet. It does not come from there. It comes from making something of yourself, being proud of your achievements and being useful and making good use of your time in constructive ways. That is why you are feeling lost because you lack purpose right now. You need to get direction back in your life. If you don't love your job, you can look for a new path. Perhaps you are stuck in a rut and need new challenges to inspire you. Wanting flashy things is common but what you really need is security and that is one thing you will never have with gambling. You could even go back to school, do a university course in your spare time, get a new skill? The thing is, you cannot possibly feel good about yourself while you are doing drugs and gambling. You are young and need to get your sense of self back. Find out who you are again and what you are about. Lose the drink and the drugs and put blocks in place to stop you from gambling. Self exclude and put your money into an account where you cannot withdraw it. Invest it, watch it grow. Use it to start a new hobby or venture and feel a sense of achievement at your efforts. Stay off all the drugs and give yourself time to figure out who you are again. If you don't like your life right now, then change it. You can be anything you want to be and what you have done in the past doesn't have to define what you do in the future, but what you do in the present often does.

All the best. 🙂

Hi HFAF and welcome to the forum.

Gambling is a drug addiction. It acts just like smoking drinking and drugs in that the body quickly starts to crave it.

Gambling was my drug of choice to combat low self esteem, depression and anxiety issues. I didnt see it that way when I was addicted...I thought it was just something I liked doing even though it was costing me a fortune. Next time as I dismissed the losses until it got totally out of control. I didnt realise I was a drug addict craving it

How can I get through to you about whether you think you enjoy them. They are ingrained within our society mainly because they are a source of tax revenue for the government. Believe me they would shut it down if it wasnt such a high tax earner. Class A drugs are obviously a moral step too far or they would tax those also.

However what they must know is how addictive gambling is. Its killing people that cant  stop until the bitter end.

The extremely dangerous thing about gambling is the rate at which it can clean people out. I never really took to smoking or drinking for my own reasons...Some people get totally addicted to those and there is no denying that they are toxins to the body. 

The feeling that they are somehow enjoyable takes over the clear and dangerous risks.

Ive seen alcohol turn people into the devil after a few drinks. Ive seen smokers on iron lungs and still craving a cigarette

I have to accept that gambling does this to me and I lose all control of money.

Gambling is set up top appeal to the dreamers, The anxious the depressed, the no hopers, the people that think they are clever seeking more money in that way. The thoughts of being a winner start fast and how clever would we be getting money for nothing!? Gosh I would be so clever bringing a bit of cash home after that argument with my girlfriend this morning...Id be the man...Im just trying to get over why we put our hard earned money in based on delusion

Its a dopamine hit, a bit of fun, entertainment, a boredom cure bit of excitement, devil may care in what seems a humdrum world. So its a strong hook and they get many people.

Only its not like that is it. Nobody is offering life changing odds on a no brainer decision. The machines promise magic but its just a money grabbing number generator...tease you.. tempt you.... then be totally cruel to you.

Unfortunately there is something in the Human Psyche that wants more of this and the gambling dens realised this centuries ago. Its all part of the auto suggestion and we are easily led. Ive seen people in a frenzy handing £20+ over for a binbag full of nothing in another scam

You have to realise that gambling is not for you. You have an addiction which is an illness. Its not entirely your fault but you have to face the responsibility for your actions

The answers are staring you in the face. The answers are there for a better life. Tell people close...put the blocks on and start a recovery to get control of your life back.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum