Hi,
This is my first post. I haven’t actually stopped gambling yet but I would really love to be able to. Here’s my story.
I’m in my mid-30s and have gambled on and off since I was in my early 20s. It was mostly just football coupons and the like to begin with and pretty low stakes. I always just gambled what I could afford to lose.
Things changed a couple of years back when my wife’s mother died very suddenly. I took a lot of the burden of funeral arrangements etc. on from my wife and her father and did my best to support them in the period that followed. At same time I was working and studying for some professional exams. It was during this period that my gambling worsened significantly. I think I took some solace in the gambling as escapism from the stress I felt in my personal and work life. My wife’s mother was also like a second mother to me and I don’t think I properly dealt with my grief at her death as I felt I had to be strong for my wife and her father. This isn’t intended to be some sort of x-factor style sob-story, and I’m not looking for any sympathy, I’m just explaining the background to my problem. I fully accept that my addiction is my weakness and nothing excuses it.
The gambling took a hold during that year and I have since just be chasing my losses, which I’m sure is a familiar tale. It’s all sports (mainly football) betting. I’ve got to the point where I’m now over 8,000 in debt and my wife has no knowledge.
We have recently had our first child and I feel like I want to take this opportunity to move on and start afresh. The problem is my wife has no idea and our home life is really settled at the moment. Money is obviously tight and this debt will be a huge shock to her if I come clean. To be honest I have no idea how to tell her or what her reaction would be.
I do really feel than I need to come clean however as I feel like I’m carrying this burden around with me which is tainting my enjoyment of life at what should be a very special time for us.
Aside from my wife’s reaction the thought of quitting also terrifies me. I quit smoking 5 years ago but that pales in comparison to how I feel about quitting gambling. It’s really become a way of life and I have become so used to the buzz of it on virtually a daily basis that I’m terrified that, despite my beautiful wife and baby son, I will feel emptiness and a craving to go back.
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Hi TSV,
Welcome to the forum, and well done for posting here.
I do empathise with your situation, and your anxious need to quit gambling. I also felt sympathy towards you even though that is not what you’re aiming for.
It’s obvious that the bereavement of your mother in-law fuelled your gambling, and it became an addiction. It was a good thing you did when you gave the maximum support to your wife and father-in-law but, in doing that you also tried to escape from the pain by indulging more in gambling. It seems like you didn’t allow yourself to grieve properly; grieving as you know has to take it course; you can’t rush it.
However, I’ll like you to know that your story is heard, and it makes it understandable how your gambling addiction came about. We at Gamcare are here to help and support you with advice on strategies and boundaries to put in place to allow you to overcome your gambling addiction, if that is what you want. I’m sure you’ll also have a lot of support and advice from most forum users too.
It’s also important that you try and distract yourself from gambling by engaging in other activities/ hobbies that are not linked to gambling. This should stop you from getting bored as boredom is a contributory factor that makes people resort back to gambling.
I think it’s advisable to find a way of breaking the news of your gambling, and your 8,000k debt to your wife; let her know Gamcare is supporting you, and that you need her support as well to help you overcome your addiction problem. Once it’s in the open, you can then discuss and have more support from your family. Like you mentioned, this is the time to enjoy the birth of your little one together, rather than struggle with your gambling addiction in isolation and secrecy.
Perhaps you may like to contact us via our free phone Helpline on 0808 8020 133 and speak to one of our advisers. An adviser will discuss some strategies and boundaries to put in place to support your addiction problem, and will also be able to refer you for 12 sessions of free counselling, and at a place nearest to where you live.
We are open everyday from 8.00am to midnight.
Thanks again for your post, and please do post as often as you can.
Best wishes,
Beatrice
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