After some significant, and well deserved pressure/threats from my wife, I am commencing my Gamcare journey...sounds sickening American doesn't it...anyhow before I bore anyone prepared to listen with my (probably all to common story) I seek some advice....my wife is determined that I come up with an action plan...any practcal ideas? Only restriction are that at the stage I am neither prepared to disable/block my ****** account or share my online bank account with her...realise this sounds very much like I am not buying into the concept od "change" and getting my addiction under control but these are longer term goals and feel there are several steps to go before I am ready to consider such drastic changes and disclosure...nonetheless want to show willing and make her feel that I am prepared, which I am, to take this seriously! So any practical advice on whar short term actions/plans I can present to her would be hugely welcomed. Many thx.
Hello Paul43,
Well done for posting here. Posting on the forum can be a big step for some people, and it sounds like this may be one of your first steps towards getting help. I see you posted the same post in the 'Overcoming' section and you've received several replies there from other Forum Users.
It is good that you and your wife are looking together at your gambling problem, and at how you might move forward. One of the sayings that sometimes get posted by Forum Users is that 'Recovery is bespoke', and at the same time you don't need to reinvent the wheel, as many people have recorded their recovery methods here, and what has helped them might possibly be helpful for you to try too. So do feel welcome to continue reading and posting here.
You might also like to try our self-assessment tool if you haven't already:
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/self-assessment-tool#.VJGeqCusX1Y
If there's anything about your gambling that you'd like to talk over with an adviser, please call us on 0808 8020 133, or on our Netline. The advisers can also give details of various different types of help, online and local.
Take care,
Adam.
Hi Paul,
In my experience you can't ween yourself gentle off this like you're coming slowly off heroin.
The thrill from betting is so intense, even small stakes.
The first step for most gamblers is to close all their online accounts. The vast majority of complusive gamblers would not be able to have a cheeky 5er on the football as it would spiral, it's happened to me buy a £1 scratchcard, my heart was beating and I loved the buzz so put £10 into a roulette machine. 30 mins later I'm £300 down, £301 including the scratchcard 🙂
You could always be the exception to the rule but the reward is what? A buzz on a Saturday afternoon winning a few quid. The risk is you do what 100's of people on here have, ruined relationships, gone bankrupt, lost jobs.
It's entirely up to you what you do. I'm not strong enough to have £1000 in my account and walk past a bookies, so I give all my money to my wife.
You can do small steps but it only takes a tiny opening to cause a whole lot of financial damage.
My advice, go B********P, self-exclude from all the online bookies, keep your account but give the majority of your money to your wife leaving enough for your day/night out. Counselling may be good, read some recovery diaries on here, see if they are similar to your story, you might find people in £50k worth of debt were in your position a few years ago and thought they could 'control' gambling rather than stopping - well that's me actually. For years I thought I was cleverer than the bookies, that a £100 lost was just an investment, when my £500 treble comes in I'd be quids in. Ok, that lost. Well I put £1000 on Arsenal to beat Bradford in the League Cup about 3 years ago...those that know that remember that game will know my £1k went up the swanny. Only stood to win about £150 profit too.
Hi Tearsofaclown,
By gambling has been out of control for over 25 years...8 Years ago I had racked up debts in excess of £80k and with the support of my wife embarked on a DMP...paid off in full a couple of Years ago but things starting to get out of control again...especially online roulette.
For me counselling is needed..first session next week...think I need to understand the root causes which I have never fully addressed.
In the short term my wife happy to take control of finances, which she has done to a veyr large extent over the last few Years. She is also keen to block off online sites, however, in the longer term she and I both want me to take responsibility for my own conduct and finances...and I know if I am forced o block the sites will make me stubbon and find other ways to gamble out of principle.
Maybe I will have to permenently give up and pass control of my finances...but I harbour a desire that with the right support I can manage my own money...responsibly....and perhaps get sufficient self awareness to be able to have a bet without it escalating at a rapid rate and intensity. I appreciate that the latter is a big ask and a long journey.
Like you if I had £1,000 in my account today would not be able to contain myself from going on a gambling bender...I like to think one day this may change...but I am not naive enough to think it is certain and know whatever choices I make will be really difficult.
It sounds like you are thinking logically but you are a bit hesitant to make the plunge.
You've beat it once before so you can do it again, with the counselling, hopefully it can help you kick the habit for good.
I'm hoping you might find peace where you don't even want to gamble, where life without gambling isn't that bad after all.
Really hope the counselling works for you so you don't get into further problems.
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