Help

Hello Sophiebaby21 - If you read some of the stories on here you will see that most compulsive gamblers find it very hard to admit to their loved ones that they have a problem.

Yet when they do find the courage to do so they feel an enormous weight off their shoulders and are often strengthened by it.

You are in the opposite situation, and I feel that if at all possible you should admit to your son that you know about his gambling and will do all in your power to help him.

I am sure that he will be relieved - after all, he may well be trying to find the courage to tell you without knowing how to.

By bringing this horrible addiction out into the open you may both be able to start on the path to his recovery. If he can turn away from gambling at a young age then how much better will be his chances of a fulfilling life; if he continues with gambling the certainty is that he will get into deeper debt and despair. So be brave and tackle this problem head on with him. And if you have not already done so, read some of the postings on 'Friends and Family' - the stories there are amazing, and the advice given very inspiring and helpful. Let us know how you get on.

Best wishes

Joanna

Hi Sophie, fair play to you for being such a good parent and coming on here to try and assist your son. It will without doubt be the best initial option in trying to resolve your son's problem.

I would be quite sure if you just showed him your post to start with, that would hopefully be a big step in the right direction.

Thank you both for your wise words of wisdom and support. I have read some of the very sad but hopeful stories on the site, but I think I need a day off work to read more. I had wondered about tackling my son with the whole CG thing but I am afraid that he will get mad. Anyway I have decided to let him know that I do know about his gambling and see what he has to say. I am hoping that he will be relieved to get some help, but we will see. I will keep you posted and really appreciate your support. Tha you

Hi Sophie again - I'm glad you have been encouraged. There is little doubt that you son will react angrily - most compulsive gamblers are in denial about their addiction at first, hence all the lies and deception which goes on. However the bottom line is that even by confronting him, you will only be able to help him if he really wants to stop gambling.

As ordinarysunday has suggested, perhaps you could persuade him to have a look at your posting and also the rest of this site to read some of the harrowing stories from other gamblers. Then he might, just might, realise the disastrous path he is on.

Joanna

Thanks again Joanna, I am meeting him after work tomorrow and even though I want to ask him about all this, I also think that I need to get some literature from Gamanon. There isn't a meeting near me till Friday so depending on whether I feel that he could handle reading this tomorrow I might postpone asking him till after the Gamanon meeting. I am just not sure. I don't want him to feel isolated or fall out with me. Sophie

Hi Sophie - I'm sure you are right to wait until you feel better prepared. I can well understand your fear of conflict but I am sure that your son will come to realise that you want the best for him and that he can count on your support.

Best wishes

Joanna

Well my son and I went out for tea and skirted all the way around the subject. Talked about his girlfriend, money, wages, bonuses, debts, etc when it came to talking about why he has debts when he earns such a good salary, he sort of avoided saying what causes his debts, saying that he is just no good at managing his finances. He was very lovely and I couldn't bring myself to push him any further on this occasion. I just felt like he doesn't want me to know and felt like he is definatly not ready to admit that he has a problem. I even started to think that maybe I am wrong but I know that is just me wishing I was wrong. I will go to the meeting tomorrow and see what they say. Thank you guys - Sophie

Hi again Sophie, well I hope the GA meeting went well for you.

I have never been to one personally, but one of my best mates has been going to them for a few years now.

Basically these type of meetings are not always suitable for every person that goes there, but they without doubt do so much good for many people with problems. If you didn't feel that you gained much from the meeting then there will be other channels that can try to assist you.

Good luck and I am sure that either way you will feel much better when you have managed to speak to your son about the situation.

Hi OG and HL and thank you for your comments and in particular your insight in to my son's gambling problem. The support that I am recieving here is so much better than I had expected and I really value your experienced opinions. I kind of suspected that he will need to wake up and admit to himself before we can do anything and I am not giving him cash. He has already emptied my cashpot now, leaving me with debts that he still can not pay. I have decided that I can't possibly buy him anything anymore. Not even food or bills. I reached this decision because even if I supplememnt his food bills he will still be spending the food money on gambling. Supposse I am trying tough love. Lord only knows when he will reach his rock bottom. He earned in excess of 65000 last year and it's still not enough for him. He earns a lot more money than me, I can not do it anymore. If I earned that kind of money, I would probably be mortgage free by now. I hate that he is throwing money down the drain. Thank you both and please let me know if I am being too harsh Sophie

Hi again Sophie,

Firstly there is no way that you are being harsh on your son in any shape or form.

If anything I think it could almost be argued that you are doing the opposite.

Once you mention figures like 65K a year then the picture becomes slightly clearer.

The fact that you are suffering from your son's addiction speaks very loud to me.