Help me

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(@ajo1981)
Posts: 2
Topic starter
 

Hello, my name is Andrew. I joined this site tonight after my partner sat down with me and said she knew I had been gambling. I have been gambling for nearly 20 years, I hate it, I hate who it has made me. I feel ashamed all of the time and I feel worthless. I have 2 young children who deserve so much more than I have given them. I feel at 40 years old I've wasted so much of my life already with this and it's now seeping into their lives aswell. I often think they'd be better off without me. I learned tonight that a lot of people here feel and think the same as me. I thought I was alone. I hope I can get help and be a better partner and father. Thank you for reading this. 

This topic was modified 4 years ago by Ajo1981
 
Posted : 16th March 2021 10:24 pm
(@jessrey91)
Posts: 3
 

Hi Andrew. what you have wrote sounds just like i could have written it myself. i also have 2 young children and i want to stop so bad for them and my partner. i have tried several times and it just doesnt seem to work, i dont know what to do anymore. i have had thoughts about running away as my partner and children would be better off without me

 
Posted : 17th March 2021 12:15 am
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Posts: 6094
Admin
 

Hello JessRey91

 

Welcome to the Forum; I am so pleased that you have reached out.  Please know that there is a way forward for the sheer devastation and nightmare of problem gambling.

Many people find it very useful to get advice and support to deal with the impact of gambling harm and I sincerely do hope that you do to.

Along with this Forum we have Advisers available 24/7 to help you through this difficult time.  You can contact  them by calling our Helpline on 0800 8020 133 or using our LiveChat option.  I encourage you to contact us so we can discuss the best way forward.

Please don't be alone with this; problem gambling is cunning, powerful and baffling and without help it is too much.

In the meantime, you will receive a lot of support here in the Forum with others sharing their experience, strength and hope.

Best

Amanda

Forum Admin

 
Posted : 17th March 2021 6:45 am
(@ajo1981)
Posts: 2
Topic starter
 

I would definitely advise speaking to the guys here, I thought I was alone in the way I was thinking and acting. I am sure there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 
Posted : 17th March 2021 8:07 am
c43h
 c43h
(@c43h)
Posts: 607
 

I used to hate it when people told me I had a choice. What choice I said I was a total slave and an addict. I had no choice. I had to gamble. Now when I am better I am starting to back down from that statement and feeling. Because deep inside we make choices all the time. We choose to gamble. Yes it is all on autopilot and we do it without thinking but it is a choice all the same. Where am I going with this? let me tell you. Choice is the most important word you can carry with you right now. Your right to choose what you intend to become. Yes, your partner sees you have a problem and you are guilt-ridden about your kids. But you can choose to become different. NO ONE can choose for you. You are the one who has to decide. Decide to get better and you will. Decide to become well and clean and you will. Make choices so no one else has to choose for you. 

90% of all addicts choose to become better all by themselves. 90%. Make a choice and own it. You will see that things will change whatever you decide to do.

Best

C

This post was modified 4 years ago 2 times by c43h
 
Posted : 17th March 2021 9:13 am
(@sjanon)
Posts: 43
 

Hi Andrew

I just wanted to add that 225 days ago I was where you are now. So angry and frustrated with myself that I'd let my partner and children down, but equally feeling so helpless like it wasn't even a choice. Gambling just took control of me and refused to let go.

But as C said, you're at the crucial point where you can make the right choice. And it will change your life. I appreciate it might seem easy for me to say from my position, but every journey has to start somewhere.

If you commit to this, remain open with those around you and kick the lying habit (which goes hand in hand with gambling) then I have no doubt you can do it.

226 days on and I'm informed we are in the middle of the Cheltenham festival - for the last 15 or so years that would have meant excitement and probably over two hundred bets during the week. Now, I just let it pass me by. I've removed myself from the game and once you've done that the feelings get weaker.

Different things work for different people, I've never focused on what I've lost over the years, but I do focus now on what I'm not losing. Even if it was just a tenner a day I lost (unlikely!) then I'm more than two grand better off 200+ days on.

Lastly, I initially felt like you - that it would all be easier if the problem (me) went away. But that's never the answer- sure allow yourself to feel bad, even guilty for a bit, but don't let it fester. If you move forward in life, the past gets left behind.

I wish you all the best.

SJC 

 
Posted : 17th March 2021 11:43 am

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