Hi everyone,
First of all, can I say thank you to the others that have opened up on this forum - it has already helped a lot knowing I'm not alone. of late I've found myself sat in a crowded place and looked around thinking 'no one here could lose like I do'.
I started gambling after following a link to an online casino 10 years ago and since that date I've just gone downhill. I was (am) fortunate in that I'm pretty well paid but I have denied my family a lot because of my habit. Over the years you can count on one hand the number of wins I have cashed out - the rest has been spend, spend, spend. It has actually only come to head this week, one decade on (one wasted decade), when I have realised I have reached the point where I have very little spare cash to spend - I should have plenty but it all goes on paying off loans / cards etc. Every penny of those loans has been for gambling.
Regarding stopping - I am luky in that I have only ever gambled at one casino group and they have a self exclusion programme. The problem is, if I go back in 6 months (I've just excluded myself AGAIN!) they will let me back in. I know this because 3 times over the last 10 years I have excluded myself and 3 times the temptation has got too much and I've asked to be let back on after 6 months has passed. I've self excluded again this morning and hope this group will help me in ensuring I don't go back.
My problem is that i have been playing big stakes - in the last week I have lost 16k!!!! All of that is on a loan that I will be paying for the next 5 years. Nobody knows about my problem but I got up yesterday morning after a sleepless night where I was planning how to kill myself to protect the future of my wife and son. In the cold light of day I know that such an act would hurt them, not protect them, but I realised if I didn't do something then it was going to end bad for all of us - hence my self exclusion and being here.
I can't talk to my wife about the problem - I know for a fact she would leave but my ability to hide it, and the lack of money, is now very stretched and becoming more and more difficult.
I really hope the ten years marks the end of what was a dreadful decade and that this forum and site can help me when I become weak.
Sorry for rambling.
Jack
Hi Jack,
Interesting you've posted the same day as I joined and posted just before you - in that I've been going down the same route about 10 years too!
I also can't tell my long term partner - we are meant to be saving for a house deposit and she is under the impression that I have money in the bank for this. She knows about me gambling in the past but would leave me I am sure if I broke it to her now that not only have I been gambling behind her back, but that I don't have any money saved and have been lying to her when she asks me how much! The things we will do...
Been there myself with the loans and I too will be paying it for many months and years but I am trying to tell myself that I have to accept that now, instead of thinking one more quick win will pay it off a bit sooner.
Best of luck.
Thanks Stabilo,
Yes, the similarities are amazing. I also 'have' a chunk of money in a savings account according to my wife - when in fact I have gambled that nest egg away ages ago.
About 5 years ago I had a seriously big win on the online slots (a progresssive) and, at that point, I could have withdrawn it, paid my debts and been more or less even - you can guess though that that didn't happen. Instead I ended up ploughing it all back in trough the coming weeks, foolishly believing I could actually walk away on top. Since then I have been simply chasing my losses. Win a bit then lose a lot. I can already feel the support group here is strong and intend visiting regularly - just an hour of reading posts this afternoon made me feel much better in that I'm not alone.
Good luck
Hello Jack64
Welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear that you have felt so low as to think about harming yourself it may help to talk with your doctor about how you have been feeling. There is also the Samaritans you can call any time of the day or night to speak to if you feel like this. The Samaritans free phone contact number is 116 123 they are available 24 hrs a day. You have taken positive steps with self-exclusion and Gamcare is here to support you. We have a helpline where you can talk with an adviser who will listen to your concerns. Advisers can give you further information on free counselling and other support available to you.
The helpline Freephone number is 0808 8020 133 and the helpline is open 8am –midnight every day You can also contact the gamcare helpline advisers through the net line. http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/netline
Please find further information here in getting support for yourself http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/yourself
Keep posting we are here to support you
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