*Deep intake of breath*
Hi Everybody,
Here I am. I have actually been here before but it's probably 5 years ago and I don't want to depress myself any further by looking when it actually was and seeing how long I've continued to screw up!
My story - started playing on the 5p slot machines at the arcade on holiday with a friend. I have continued to gamble for around 12 years ever since and in that time I would have to take a rough estimate at having probably lost in excess of £100,000. £100,000 that could have bought me a house, nice clothes, maybe actually gone out and enjoyed myself...but I guess the one thing to do now is try not to dwell on that right? That's how I end up going back for more each time to try and win it back!
Two things came together this week as what I hope will be a final straw (I say hope, not to be defeatist but knowing realistically that I have had the "final straw" moment before). I blew through my last bit of cash with bills still to pay this month and my girlfriends birthday coming up in 3 days - I have no money to buy her a present, she has no idea of the situation I'm in. I literally cannot access one scrap of cash - another loan is impossible, 4 credit cards are maxed out, there is no overdraft, no friends I can possibly turn to and ask for help without admitting that I have let them down again, and no family I can turn to given how they have supported me in the past and been told they will not do it again - one more time and I am out on the street. I am alone and helpless.
This, coupled with funnily enough something in the "memories" / "on this day" feature on facebook. A particular event that I suddenly realised was a whopping TEN years ago. And I suddenly wondered what I had done in this time. Had I bought a house? Had I ever really been happy? Had I spent any quality time with family and been relaxed, or myself, around them. Had I done any travelling whether it be for a couple of months or a year? Had i had any truly memorable holidays with girlfriends to somewhere exotic? In fact, had I ever had a holiday where I wasn't watching exactly how many drinks I had or paying for meals on the credit card. Had I ever actually felt able to relax?
The answer to it all is no. And the reason for that all stems back to gamlbing. The constant throwing my money away the minute I get any. Time and time again setting "a plan" to get out of it - only to get into my first month with a bit of free cash and instead of relaxing and enjoying it, or paying off a bit more on another loan - I blow it all again and start the whole vicious circle.
Approaching 30, I have effectively wasted what should have been the most relaxing, carefree, exciting years of my life. I guess I'll never get that back and realising that is one thing that I have to deal with along with dealing with the problem itself. But I need to do it now, by hook or by crook. I'm hoping coming on here will help. I am investigating all options available and although the thought terrifies me I do wonder if some form of individual counselling would help. If anyone has any thoughts or recommendations on this it would be appreciated.
Look forward to, hopefully, sticking around for a while.
Hi Stabilo and welcome back to the forum.
Your post comes across as very honest and I can relate to a lot of what you have written. It is scary how much time can pass when we gamble, years even decades can pass before you realise that you have nothing to show for all the pain it has put us through.
You mention that you don't want to tell your friends and family but could you confide in your girlfriend? Doing this on your own can be incredibly tough and having someone else to talk to will help. When I told my wife is was a tough conversation to have but afterwards I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The way I see it is people will eventually find out about your problem and it's far better if you can broach the problem on your own terms.
You don't mention what type of gambling you were doing but if it's online you should install some website blocker's and if it's gambling at the bookies get yourself excluded from them. If you have been on here before I am sure you have heard about the gambling triangle. Time, money and location. Remove one of these and you can't gamble. Something that also helped me a lot was to find a new hobby to take my mind off the gambling and to replace the time I spent doing it.
You mention that you recently looked back and realised that you didn't have anything to show for the last few years. Perhaps that is something you can use to spur you on? Imagine where you want to be in 5 years time and all the things you will have accomplished with a gamble free life.
I wish you all the best for the future.
Silver lining
Hi Stabilo
Welcome to the forum.
Yes its a lot to take in but the focus comes with realising that gambling was never the answer and only made life worse.
You are not alone. We have all been there. I was bankrupt at the age of 26 and a significant part of that was gambling. I had about 10 credit cards and I was completely off the rails. I still cant believe I did that but that was me. I continued to gamble off and on for another 24 years after that.
I have recently had to come to terms with the fact that I have suffered from depression most of my life and shopping and gambling were not the answer to the emptiness in my soul. I had always been a dreamer but its deeper as I didnt really like how life was shaping up for me or know how to change it
Recovery is not easy and you will need your own systems and thought processes to put the money behind you. Its gone and thats what you did with it
You are now searching for whats important in a born again moment. This means no secrets and trying to rebuild a sense of self respect and pride. There is no shame in admitting that you have been addicted but you must now face matters to save any quality of life you have.
We recommend you tell people close if you can. I understand its not easy but you must stop gambling now and reach out for all the help on offer.
Gambling can take you to new lows you havent considered yet so you have to stop now
Please keep ringing gamcare as the one to one voice is helpful. Im afraid you cant change the past but you have a future and that future is gamble free.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
duplicate post sorry cant delete box
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