it all started as far back as i can remember.
My dad ran a football team and I loved spending time with the men, a lot of it was in the pub after where i would learn adult things while I sat in the corner with my pop and crisps.
The lads would look over the horses / cards etc and I was in that environment and enjoyed it.
I then remember learning about lucky 15’s when I was 16 and went to the bookies and watched the races.
Since the off and on I have always had this crazy idea that I can make gambling work as a way of life.
I’m now 34.
Nobody has ever known about my problems and as online type environments came available, I would have fits and starts at being on or off it.
I can’tseem to resist the what if by the signs of it.
Anyway, I got married and controlled all finances for the home, my wife (now ex wife) wasn’t good with coping with life and reality such as money / bills etc.
I borrowed money from banks / loans etc for years, then defaulted and still tried to get money back by betting.
I remember taking joint loans and credit cards in my wifes name, anything I could to temporarily fix the holes.
After 7 years of marriage and 10 years together my ex-wife noticed my behaviour was eratic, I had reached rock bottom. She started digging and uncovered the debts and problems, statements etc.
She left me straight away and the house was sold immediately. She returned to her native home with our daughter and from that point that was a wake up call for a while.
I got divorced and it was all to do with the lies and mistrust and my ex-wife thought that we are at point X in our lives and actually we were nowhere near that.
I gave every bit of money I had and the share of the home that was left to my ex-wife and 2 years later she can’t stand me, I really don’t blame her at all. My problem is that my credit rating is awful and I cant borrow any money. Also my decent job is negated by my outgoings which are huge. My first reaction to that problem is; ‘I can be disciplined and make it work’.
I am now in a new relationship (1 year or so) and I am still trying to reduce my debt , but to be honest it goes up and down. Bad / good days as betting is still in the brain…..
My real problem now is using online feeder software does work for me and turns a profit on the whole, but I cant leave it alone and have to tweak, because I think I know best.
As an office worker I dip in and out all day really and can’t resist touching the system.
I have excluded from ******* so many times and started up under friends / aliases etc
I want this new relationship to work and I know that betting needs to stop and i should accept that even if my systems work, I cant leave them alone and let them run, therefore I need to quit. My new GF knows about the history of betting but I have assured that its behind me and its now creeping back in.
I want to get engaged and get a good ring, so as my money is so tight I think I can win the value, ridiculous I know, but its my first thought. My daughter lives a long way away to and I miss her, so when I want to see her I cant afford to go, which makes me want to gamble more.
I regret the things that happened in my first marriage and to be honest I think it came across as I didn’t care, which was so untrue. I miss my ex-wife and daughter all the time, even though she was a bit of a nightmare!
Help as I am at a loss, I already lost one relationship and I don’t want to lose another. My girlfriend is fantastic and I don’t want to lose her.
Hi Goldfinch, thank you for sharing such a heartfelt and honest post,
I gambled for twenty years before I stopped over five years ago. I also lost two homes and two partners, so I have some idea of what you are going through my friend.
Millions believe they have the answers, millions believe they have systems and methods that work - what gives people the belief is short-term, positive results - the reality is that no-one can make it work over a long-term period; Nick the Greek is noted as one of the most successful gamblers of all time, making close to a billion in the 1950's; he ended up broke, in a state-funded care home playing for coppers - he couldn't win in the end because he couldn't stop; he is exactly the same as you and I.
It is a great shame your first wife left - if you read the "Family and Friends" section of this website, you will see that it is always broken trust that hits partners the hardest, far, far more than the money itself.
You need to draw a line under your past my friend - it has gone and so has the money; there is absolutely nothing you can do to get it back. However, you do have a huge hand in your future, and life has handed you another opportunity my friend, plus you are still young enough to enjoy a whole new life without this affliction dominating your life and thought process.
If you carry on, then you have to ask yourself what the end game is - what can you hope to achieve? You could have a big win but all it would do is make you want more of the same, at higher stakes that before - at least, if you lose, you might walk away at some point. If the best case scenario is losing, then why do it at all?
I lost two partners, two homes, £350,000, all my material possessions, friends, family and so much more. The only way you can justify it and make it mean something is by doing everything you can to ensure you do stop, and use it to drive you to achieve more in life.
Walk away my friend - imagine posting here again aged 44; you may have more regret than you can handle, and there will be many more people that you will hurt in the process; you come across as a decent guy - you don't want or need that my friend, you deserve better.
JamesP
I appreciate the honest assessment and shall keep re-reading your post over and over.....
Hi goldfinch,
Welcome to the Forum!
Thank you for sharing your story here. It is very moving to read your post, your honesty and your struggles.
It sounds like you have reached cross-roads now. You know which effects gambling had in your life in the past, the effects on others and the emotional toll it has taken on you. And you don't want to repeat past experiences.
The good news is that you don't have to. It might seem like it at times, but you do have a choice, a say in the matter.
Gambling has been in your life for a very long time, almost like an old friend, who hasn't been a good friend to you. And yet you hang onto it.
Maybe you would like to consider face to face counselling to help you work out what it is that keeps you feeling tied to gambling, despite its impact on you and others?
You can talk about this with an advisor in private on the freephone HelpLine 0808 8020 133 or alternatively contact the NetLine http://secure.gamcare.org.uk/netline/
Both services are open from 8am to midnight every day.
Again, welcome!
Kind wishes
Gabriele
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