each time thinking i had a system I've tried to quit in the past and even managed to go years without it but it worked back into my life and the lure of the online casino was to strong. I'm an addict and don't deny it, what I seem to convince myself of is that I have control or rather deny that I don't have it under control.
It started off innocently I guess as a young man enjoying a lottos ticket and a scratch card at the end of the week. As time moved forward and more income I moved on to bigger things, poker, blackjack, roulette, slots...
I've lost some big sums in the last few years always after wining big and then trying to win it back. Madness I know, but that's the power of the hold it has on me. I've blocked myself from sites but always find new sites to try, thinking this time I'll win.
I don't even know why I gamble as i have a good life and family, sure money makes things easier but I'm worried now that if I let it go on I will lose more than just money. I'd like to say today is the last time I will give in but I can't promise such a thing having a past like I do. Not here for sympathy just to unburden my self and start trying to seek help on managing my addiction.
Hi Blackjackdrunk,
Thanks for your post and welcome to the forum. Hopefully you're finding it to be an interesting and supportive place.
Have you tried any blocking software to prevent yourself from gambling online? Programs like Betfilter, K9, and Gamban, amoung others, block any gambling sites from opening and they're a good way to protect yourself online. Have a look around the forum and other members have tried other ways of blocking sites that work for them as well.
What about getting individual counselling? You don't mention if you've tried that, but counselling could help you understand better why you gamble like this, and also help you work on more effective ways to manage your urges and choose healthier behaviours. That's generally what tends to help people the most if they're trying to quit gambling, and we've got partner agencies in many parts of the country that provide that at no cost. If that's something you might be interested in, just get in touch on either our Helpline or Netline, which you'll find the links for at the top of this page. We'd be happy to chat with you and see what we could do to help.
Hang in there, and let us know if there's anything we can do for you.
Travis
Maybe consider other help too? Such as GA?
There's always another time for an addict to try at recovery but i also accept that I might need to put more tools in place. Perhaps you could add counselling and GA?
Hi blackjackdrunk
Welcome to the forum.
You remind me of an interesting point about control, whether we think we have control or what the real test is.
I thought I had control and used to delude myself because I had breaks from gambling which could be fairly long. However I have come to realise with counselling and learning about the addiction that I was never in control from the first moment I gambled at the age of thirteen.
I realised that it was always there within me and I was prone to binge on machines at the click of the fingers. The urge would come over me at certain times. Once in a Scottish city when I should have been holiday shopping, an overwhelming urge based on anxiety led me to binge a lot of money away in an arcade
I was never in control and it didnt essentially matter whether I had breaks because I was delusional and compulsive gambler.
What is scary is thinking how I just couldnt walk away. it makes no sense other than addiction and mind control
In more recent years before I finally went into recovery I was wasting more and more money linked to stress and depression
You must now start self excluding from everywhere and seking close help to monitor your behaviour.
If you dont stop it will get much worse for you
Please give gamcare a ring and keep using the forum. It will focus your confused and addicted mind.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Thanks for the helpful suggestions, I've never sought out counselling to be honest and perhaps just talking it through would help me realise it better. I was using gambling as an income last year and for many months I was convinced I was controlling it as I was able to make money consistently. By it only took a few bad days to crush all I had and pile on more losses. In hindsight I look back at how much I have actually lost over the last 10 years and realise I am never going to win that back as it's far too much and I shouldn't even try. It's just the voice in the back of my mind that some how manages to rationalise it and believe I can.
I am going to try the software this time does it work on phones too?
Hi Blackjackdrunk
You can find more information about blocking software on our website, including some which are designed for phones:
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software
Kind regards
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