How many years

Hi Spiderman, welcome to the Forum and well done for joining & contributing here.

We have followed fairly similar paths - I gambled for twenty years before stopping over five years ago. I also graduated from Fruit Machines, to Horses, and then onto FOBT's, which cost me two homes, two partners and all my material possessions, more than once.

The problem with gambling long-term is that you forget how you ever existed before; debt, worry, stress, deceit, wracked emotions, sleeplessness etc, become part of everyday life.

This is why a lot of people relapse. Becoming that person again is a daunting and intimidating prospect; your emotions and thought process is all over the place and the urges will be at their strongest.

But, after a short while, they start to lessen, and then you see little windows into how your life could be. You start to relax, feel more capable of making plans and then begin to value and spend money as the next person would.

This is what you must aim for my friend. Urges are only temporary, they soon pass; make sure you "ride the storm" and do whatever is necessary to get through it. Do some exercise, keep your mind occupied, post here or pick up the phone and speak to someone - tomorrow is almost always a better day, even if you are at the very depths of your affliction.

I feel the emotion in your words my friend - I have walked many miles in your shoes and I know the hollowed-out hopelessness of how you are feeling. I want you to know that many, many people have come through this and rebuilt their lives - I have been a part of this Forum for seven years and seen it with my own eyes.

How do you achieve it? You can't bury your head in the sand anymore my friend - you need to take fast, decisive and affirmative action; posting here and getting counselling is a great start - you can build on that; think about GA, think about just attending a meeting without getting involved. It took me a very long time to do so and I regret it sincerely; this afflcition is so very isolating; you become consumed by self-loathing and regret - you begin to feel like you are some sort of monster, alone against the world - to see and be around others, good, decent, kind, intelligent people, does the world of good, and is also hugely liberating if you do choose to interact.

If you want to try to build some bridges with your wife, then you need to have something to offer her; you can tell her that you are receiving professional help, you can offer to hand over complete, final and full control of your finances, you can promise that you will contact her, without fail, each and every time you feel even remotely close to gamblng again.

Spiderman my friend, I don't have a home of my own, I still have debt that will take a very long time to pay off, I haven't got a relationship but I have never been as happy in my whole life as what I am right now. Money, and winning it, was my whole world - towards the end, I won £7000.00, my biggest ever win; I had a nice meal, I went to a couple of bars and then checked into a nice hotel; I counted the money out on the bed and then started to feel depressed - I knew that I would never be able to spend that money; all the times that I had been broke and dreamed about holidays, cars and everything else - here I was with the opportunity to do it but I knew it would all go at some point. And it did, within an hour, the very next morning at the nearest Bookmakers within walking distance.

When you stop, you realise that money just isn't that important - there is only so much you can eat and drink in one day, there is only so much time you can get off work. You also realize that you aren't really a materialistic person otherwise you wouldn't have risked a penny in the first place.

Be proactive, take it slowly, and start to work your way forward my friend. Draw a line under your past; there is nothing you can do to change it but you have a big hand in your future. Accept that gambling and winning money is a form of mental poison to you and always will be.

A recovery diary on here would also be another positive step so you can record your progress, as well as interracting regulary with others who can offer you non-judgemental help and support.

Spiderman, I rarely say this but your post really touched me. I wish you could see how much your life could change and what you could become; I felt I never could for a very long time, but, as I said at the beginning, you begin to know nothing else. It really isn't that way - you will struggle with that in the beginning, but you have everything to gain, you sincerely do.

JamesP

Hi Mate,

Brilliant post by James there. Excellent. I cant do any better than that TBH.

Your story is very similar to mine mate. Bookies progessed to online and losing someone you loved through your destructive behaviour.

Just to say, start a diary and get it all down, all your thought sand feelings. Good and bad. Only by learning our triggers and signs can we arm ourselves to fight this horrible illness.

All the best

Kyle

17 months gamble free

The biggest win I will ever have is to learn I can never win gambling

Thank you James and Kyle for the replies, I take inspiration from them.

I have always felt that gambling made me feel alive, yet on occasions made me feel that I no longer wanted to be alive.

It seems that one day I had gambling under control and then the next minute it had created a disaster.

I feel that any time on my hands has to be spent gambling so I know I must find another interest. Do you think it is possible to erase one type of gambling but still have an interest in say horse racing?

Thank you again for your replies.

You're very welcome Spiderman, no trouble at all,

Gambling made me feel alive too, until I questioned what I was actually feeling; it is hard to appreciate any sensation that is based on a lie, a little bit like wanting to fly to the moon; it can't actually make you feel good because it will never happen, which is the same principal as compulsive gambling - you will never be able to win, stop and walk away.

I left horse racing for a long time but I do watch it now; it doesn't make me feel anything in all honesty, except there is relief when a horse that I liked wins, because I know that winning money is more dangerous than losing - beforehand, I would have been consumed by regret and no doubt relapsed considerably.

You need to judge for yourself my friend, see how it makes you feel but I would recommend leaving it well alone for now.

Since stopping, I do charity work, go hiking, write, sing and much more besides. The thing about gambling is that it does make you feel alive, but it is a temporary sensation, win or lose - you often experience a hollow, depressing feeling afterwards - this is because there is no fulfillment, there is no end product; you haven't actually achieved anything or improved your life.

The other things that I have pushed myself to do since stopping give me those things, and lots of happy, positive memories that put me on a natural high for days.

Don't rest on your laurels my friend - push yourself, don't bury your head in the sand; force yourself to change and discover the things that work best for you. It won't happen overnight but you can get there, no question.

JamesP