Hi all,
New to the forum but unfortunately not new to gambling. I plan on keeping a diary here of my story so far and my progress so won't bore you too much here.
The short version.
I'm a 26 year old single mother of one. I live with my parents after being evicted when my 8 year relationship broke down and I stopped paying the bills. As you can probably guess, gambling is behind the majority of it.
The best of it is, I work for a bookmakers and have done for nearly five years now, and I've now been gambling uncontrollably for over four years.
After suffering a crisis over the last week due to my gambling, a long story but I had my driving licence revoked, I finally came clean to someone. My team leader at work. Although out of work, she has discussed my problems with me personally, and understands my fears of coming into work, and even thinks work should have a duty of care for me in this instance, the workplace itself isn't being so accommodating.
I suffer with depression and anxiety, increased by the gambling addiction, but other factors involved also. I have not had any medical intervention for my mental well being since I was 15, but this is purely because I haven't needed to, until this all spiralled out of control that is.
I have an appointment at the drs tomorrow and I hope to be able to get the first step in place to sorting my life out. I want this, more than I've ever wanted it before in the past.
I have lost my partner. My home. My friends. My social life. Even life's little luxuries like a bar of chocolate from the shop, or a cheeky take away. I've lost my happiness. My personality has disappeared. My smile. My dreams and aspirations. My sleep. My health. My driving licence. My dignity. Everything has gone.
All I am left with is sleepless nights filled with torture and resentment for myself.
A few questions before I finish.
If you have worked in a bookmakers or the gambling industry in general, did you ever come clean to your employer? Were they understand and helpful in anyway?
Has anyone discussed their problems with their GP? What was their course of action?
My plan of action at the moment is to take it one day and step at a time. I am due in work tomorrow, which will be my fourth shift absent if I don't go in. I won't be going in. I cannot face the place right now and don't think I will able to until I feel that some order of some sort is back in my life.
Like I said my story is much longer than what is posted here. The problem is I have tried so many times to get my entire story down in writing in a logical manner but it always ends up a novel. So I'll leave that for the my recovery diary 🙂
Thanks for reading, and I hope to become a regular poster through my journey.
Hi Suzi,
Your gambling has taken you on the same journey as mine and everyone else on this forum - to 'the pits of despair'.
I found the 1:1 counselling (free through Gamcare) was very helpful in allowing me to realise why I was gambling. My experience of GP management is the prescription of anti-depressants, simply papering over the cracks! It may be that your gambling is just an outlet for an underlying issue. If you can find and address the cause you may not need to gamble.
I don't work in a bookies. I know a job is a job and gamblers (whether quit or not) need the income. I wonder how it will sit with you when you do stop but continue to take the money of others (many of whom are in the same frame of mind as you). Your team leader may understand on a human level but as an employer they never will due to the nature of their business.
You have some high hurdles in the way and you need to confide in someone away from the gambling industry. I would ask someone to take control or monitor your finances and put blocks in place if you are gambling online. Try to stop the financial rot while you consider pursuing some counselling. Posting on here is great but we are all gamblers. I sometimes feel that reading too much on the forum almost 'normalises' gambling behaviour. In the past I have read posts from others who have a bigger debt than I have. This allowed me to justify gambling more in the thought that my situation 'wasn't that bad'. It always amazes me how, as a gambler, I can so easily fool myself!!
Best of luck with whatever you decide.
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