Hi everyone i'm Darren just registered today,i'm 37 and have been gambling since i was 18 but in the last 4 years it has gotten completely out of control,i bet mostly on live football online.
I have felt like i have hit rock bottom several times and have had a ridiculous amount of help and support from the people around me but always thought i knew best and could deal with my problems,a serious case of 'my mess,i'll deal with it'
gambling has completely taken over my life,it feels at times like my only friend because i've isolated myself in my own little world,its not a good friend it makes you feel good for a bit then gradually takes and takes and takes and right at the end kicks you in the teeth and walks away leaving me feeling depressed, stressed and at times suicidal.it also has a huge impact on my partner i know i'm making her life miserable but can't seem to kick it into touch for good.
a bit about myself, i have a great job so plenty of money coming in,i have a partner who also does well and we have a place to live with no mortgage 2 cars and 2 dogs and 3 cats and few bills so all in all life should be pretty awesome, but the betting just drags me and her down to the point where i have to borrow to just eat and get to and from work each month.when im not betting im pretty rational and i can see its stupid and pointless but as soon as money hits the bank i have an uncontrollable urge to bet,ive realised now its not about the money its the feeling i get when i do it, its like a drug that i cant live without, i live for the andrenaline rush of waiting for that one goal or corner that will turn it all around, ive had successes and major failures but all on all over the last 4 years i'd say im down about £100,000 when i add it all up, i know i cant win, i know no amount will ever be enough i just like the feeling of release of nervous energy and i know that if you play for long enough you always lose because the odds are stacked against you,i almost never bank and walk away and even if i do i reverse the transaction and bet again to continue the rush,ive borrowed lied cheated and scammed in every possible way to feed the addiction but today is the day i need and want to stop for good.
recently we consolidated the debts working with stepchange so financially i can see light at the end of the tunnel and life at home was getting better,id opened up to my other half,my boss and my mum about the extent of the problems i had,i've been to the docs and been prescribed anti depressants things were looking better and everyone was being really supportive, i felt better my partner felt better,everyone seemed happy for me and that id finally turned a corner,my other half started to trust me again . SO WHY DID I DO IT AGAIN!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHH
as i said today is the day i stop,i was sat in my car in a layby last night dreading telling everyone what id done thinking about taking the easy way out,down another £2000 when this month should have been the start of a new better more comfortable life,i received calls and texts concerned about my state of mind and i decided that i'd fight back and not let them all down,if i can survive one more tough month money wise and not gamble again things will be so much better so here goes wish me luck.
Welcome to the forum Darren!
Your conviction is jumping off the page in this and your other posts. You have realised that if you keep gambling you keep losing and you have done the right thing in drawing a line and joining this site for support from others in recovery.
You say you had a slip - perhaps it might be an idea to install blocking software and/or get your internet provider to turn on parental filtering.
I am also wondering if you've put any other measures in place such as having someone eg a partner, take over your finances for a while, hold on to your bank cards and give you a cash allowance? You could change your cards first, just in case the old numbers are still saved on any sites.
Finally, you might find it helpful to consider seeing a counsellor about your gambling - GamCare offers free counselling for example. And/or you could attend a support group such as Gamblers Anonymous.
You can find out more information about counselling, blocking software and other forms of support at the GamCare website www.gamcare.org.uk. You can also call our helpline on 0808 8020 133 or chat to us on the Netline.
Best wishes
Forum Admin.
thanks for the reply yes i really want to beat it this time i now have my wages paid to my partner so it should be much more difficult for me to access large amounts of money,we are putting blockers on the internet tonight to stop me betting at home hopefully the urge will wear off over time and we'll have things to plan and look forward to once the money situation starts to improve
Welcome to the forum. Hope you find the strength to get through your urges. Things are just nicer, easier and happier when its over.
As with everyone i would suggest councelling it can be immensly helpful in finding the reasons we gamble and overcoming them.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
