I need this to work, I am ready for the change.

Hi Dom,

Thanks for sharing some of your story with the community, and nice to meet you. 

Well done on following your instinct to reach out to GamCare, and take some additional steps to help make a lasting change. 

15 days in is brilliant. Reading through your words, how are you feeling now approaching payday this month? Do you have the blocks in place to give you more barriers between the urges and gambling?

I can empathise with a number of things you've shared (yet alone tell another human, being irritable around others, lost so much money, the intelligence perception, needing to be more kind to yourself). The problem with the gambling addiction is that it wants you to keep quiet, keep you away from connecting with others, it doesn't care how intelligent you are and will insert the mind control chip when you're off guard, and it completely distracts you from giving yourself self-care. And it will surely be there to try and hold your hand to distract you from any problems caused by the above and take you back to its escape world whenever it gets the chance. 

Know that you're not alone and we are all here to support one another, talk, and navigate this path forward together. I look forward to hopefully chatting with you more. 

All the very best 😊

Hey Fran,

Think were in the same chatroom earlier 🙂 

Thank you for responding and making me feel heard! 

How im feeling about payday is strange, I feel itchy and my sleep pattern has gone down hill as it always would at this stage of the month as I get paid on Monday.

I am getting urges and I am struggling to concentrate, but im distracting myself. I have gamban which is brilliant. 

One of the things I didnt mention in my post and I havent really seen much information online which is part of my addiction is:

1 Watching people gamble online 

2 Gambling on demo slots 

This is what I would do between losing all my money and payday. Im constantly picking up my phone involuntarily and going to do this. I have to catch myself and stop this too. 

It's really nice to be welcomed in to this community, thanks again Fran. 

Would you reccomend GA? I have one local to me but im not religous. 

It's sounds like you have a good understanding of your patterns and can reflect honestly which is brilliant, now it's about one day at a time, I am 53days gamble free and every morning I wake up get ready for the day, then I tell myself today I deserve to stay gamble free and get about my day, the community here has been instrumental in my journey, I wish you all the best 

Hi Dom,

I've found the chat rooms really helpful in keeping my head above the water, if you're able to use these as one of your tools I hope you find the same.

Having urges is very normal, and you're doing the right thing in these early days trying to anchor onto the distractions and riding those waves out. What type of things are you doing to distract yourself? Have you made some plans for this weekend to consciously try and keep your mind away from them?

Does Gamban stop you accessing the demo slots? The videos (I think these will probably be YouTube?) is an element which won't be covered by the blocks. And again know that you're not alone in these type of vices - I too have used demo slots in the past, and spent several hours spinning these on maximum bets and depleting several thousands of pounds over and over again. These activities will also stimulate and be feeding your brain dopamine hits. Have you had a look for any healthy habits that deliver dopamine? You might already have a few of these on your distraction list, but if not try and add a couple to your list.

Do you work from home? I've been making it a daily habit to come onto GamCare in the morning and read some of the forum posts. And also when I'm reaching for my phone (which will happen during the day) - I am logging onto GamCare and also reading the forum posts. A lot of people look for quick hits of dopamine during the day, and there are millions of people who will log onto social media sites and get trapped scrolling through videos and reels (okay not gambling - these can be all sorts of content) but this is also the brain releasing and absorbing dopamine. The video scrolling is also not a healthy dopamine habit, but a vice that has sucked millions, if not billions, of people in to being glued on their phones for hours and hours on end. If you're able to consciously try and reduce the time you're spending reaching for your phone and replace some of the things you do on your phone during that time, this could be a steady way of slowly guiding your mind away from those activities. 

I haven't been using GA, however there are a number of people currently on the forum who would recommend it. I am not religious either, but from what I hear the GA community is open to those who are non religious and from what I understand the methods used will also work for these people. It's very much about a lifestyle, behaviour and change of perceptions and self belief around addiction. 

I've been trying counselling for the first time in my life, which I am finding very useful. Is the therapy you're having focussed on the gambling addiction, or are you using it for other reasons? (please only share what you want here - I guess I'm just wondering whether the conversation is specifically focussed enough on gambling recovery)?

All the best - Fran 🙂

....GA, also very much about connection. And being in a safe space, with those who have lived experiences navigating the path forward together, anchored in a structured methodology for recovery :).

Hi Dom

You are 32, you have a chance to change the rest of your life and put this behind you. Now it's all about how much work you are prepared to put in. The addiction had it's hold on you. Cold turkey rarely works but there is an amazing life out there for you. What you put into your recovery you will get back out.

There isn't a secret pill to this. It's going to take a life time of work to stop any complacency taking over which has happened so many times before

I would love to chat more with you, maybe you can get on the text chatrooms over the weekend at 8pm 

Hi Dom.

Well done on reaching your first 15 days g.f 👏👏👏. These can often be the hardest to get through so please give yourself a pat on the back.

I can see that some really good advice has already been given above by fellow diary members 👍. I would just add to this by saying put every block in place you can - gambling blocks on all your bank cards, sign up to Gamcare for maximum period with an auto renew etc.

I went 470+ days last year until I had 2 lapses. One in July and then another in September. This was due to me not putting that final block in place, which for me was Gamban, to deal with those nasty overseas “dodgy”sites. Thanks to the Gamcare advisors, I was given a free link last September, to install this on all my devices 👌. Since then I have been unable to gamble nor have I had any inclination to do so 💪👊.

I wish you all the very best on your g.f journey. May you find strength and determination to make your days ahead more fruitful and healthy. You can do this!

Take care.

Pink Lady (You can find my diary under the name of “April Fools”).

🩷🍎.

Thank you all, I am still going and im now on day 20. Opened up to my Girfriend and she is being supwr supportive.

I have had a really fun and social month where I have really lived rather than just existing.

I am going to attend GA tonight for the first time, bit nervous about that tbh. 

My urges are shockingly low which im soo suprised by, I'm not foolish enough to think that cant change though. 

Thanks again for the support guys 😊

Well done Dom

You remind me of my first GA meeting . Actually the first was 33 years ago, the second was in November. I was shaking. I rang the number next to the meeting on the website and arrange to meet someone in the pub opposite who talked me through and walked in with me. I cried. Then I shared which I wasn't going to do but I realised these people were my tribe. I. All honesty that's when my recovery really started on day 6. Ive been to meetings all over the South East and everyone has been amazing. Some rooms resonate more to me in my values but its changed my life and the 12 steps are incredible. Should be taught at school lol as they are an amazing way to live life and are used across over 50 addictions. 

I tried to think of every excuse not to turn up to that meeting but thank God I went in. All day I said to myself, Stuart, you are going, end of, you can't do this cold turkey, you are broken and you need help to fix it. Just because I didn't want to gamble that day, I did not know when the urge would come. 

I don't like giving advice but just go tonight mate. I don't know which one you are going to but I hope you click straight away and go to one or two every week for the rest of your life. That's what I will always do 

Hi Dom

How is today going for you ? Have you cracked looking at the phone so much at all and wiring out that daily routine idea ?

Hi Mate, 

Great day today. Passed my Theory Test and booked my driving test, so im super excited about that. Something gambling always prevented me from doing!

I have been to the shop and bought a physical note pad today so will be stsrting tommorrow 🙂

Hi Dom

You sound really positive and sorry for late reply but I've taken some knocks today mate, not gambling so don't worry.

How is the phone going and reducing checking the bank etc ? Have you managed to leave it somewhere for a period of time ?

Don't be sorry Stuart. I hope everythings ok on your end, your such a good guy helping others when you are juggling quite a lot! 

Yeah much better today mate, I like what you said on another post about gambling isnt the problem, gambling is what we do to escape the problem. Really sat with me that one mate. 

I have felt a lack of purpose/achievement/accomplishment for so long. I have never really held myself accountable and told myself I gambled because I dont care about myself enough to change. 

Seeing that other lad being where I was and stuggle to accept whats important. 

My life in these short stint of revovery is really back on track. I never had anything to look forward to because I was drowning in debt, lying, isolating and sad. Once payday came around I would gamble to escape my reality. I now understand that and accept it for what it is. I am human. 

This last month since deciding to lock in and get help, I have educated myself through here, my gambling counciller and youtube to the point where I know WHY I am an addict. I have socialised and said yes more. I have a holiday booked and have started my driving lessons. 

I don't need to escape from this reality because I have a future and im being present. 

My cravings to gamble have gone and should they come back I know what im giving up is much more valuable. 

Theres still a long road ahead of me, but I think im mailing this and im really proud of myself to be honest, my girlfriend is too. I have told her how you help me and showed her some of your messages. 

One day at a time mate, got my plans for tommorrow jotted down 🙂 

Hi Dom

If you are like me you will think that mediation isn't for me but it works !!! I was guided through one recently which is amazing. I sent it to Fran but if you want to do it, all I need you to do is think, if you were setting yourself some life goals when would that be 2 years, 3 years, 5 years you choose. Then post on here what those goals are, material things, recovery, mental, physical, hobbies etc as many as you like

I will send it to you on here. You need to get someone to read it out of find some software that you can put the text into to do it. I found it utterly amazing. All you need to do is try and do exactly what it says in your mind which is so powerful 

Take time to think about the goals