I’m new here and I’m very very broken.

Hi Lisa, 

Sorry you are here, like me and many others, as an addicted gambler - It's hard, really hard and very lonely at times.

However, You have recognised the problem - well done

You have got it out in the open - well done

You have come here and posted - yep, another well done

As much pain, confusion  and emotion you feel right now - these really are all positive steps.  I'm sorry to hear your husband left but right now and probably for a little while at least, you have one clear priority - that's you 

I've been addicted for more than twenty years, the impact on me and those around me is immense and very long lasting

I have also been gamble free for just over 1400 days now, not even a raffle ticket.  This really is doable, you can turn this around.

I could not of reached this point without help though - from professionals, from gamcare and counsellor(s)

There is help available and there can be light at the end of the tunnel - don't think it will come easy but own your addiction, accept you lost, the money has gone and honestly that is a huge weight lifted

Well done again for the positive steps - it's all you can do - one step at a time, one day at a time

best wishes

Dan

Hello @lisa1978 ,

Well done for coming on to the Forum and sharing your story. From what you have written it looks like the past couple of days or so has been really difficult. I am glad you have been able to use the forum as an outlet for this.  You have taken a huge step opening up about your gambling problem and I'm sorry about the response you got from your husband was not the one you were expecting.  The Forum is a safe and supportive environment and I'm  sure you will be met with lots of support and encouragement. 

I would encourage you to call the helpline and talk things through with one of our advisers. They will be able to offer you support and some practical advice with everything you have going on right now. They would even be able to refer you for some free one to one treatment if you feel this would be useful for you.  We are open 24/7 on our HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 and our 1:1 Livechat .

You are not alone in this and along with our advisers there are other helplines available if you feel you need to talk:

Samaritans are available on 116 123

I urge  you get in touch with your GP, if you are struggling with your mental health.

Take care and keep posting

Best Wishes,

Vanessa

Forum Admin

Hi Lisa,

i really am sorry to hear how your feeling and some of what you have been through

You was very brave to be honest and open up and im sorry your husband was not supportive 

I hope you find the hope,help and support to rebuild your life. 

Its normal to feel guilty about letting people down but its an addiction that grasped you..the fact that you are being honest and writing on here ..shows you are facing it and that takes courage

I feel for you and i hope you feel better soon

Lou x

Hi Lisa,

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation.

I also suffer from anxiety and OCD which makes so much more difficult to stop. Have you tried to reach out to a friend or family member for a support? 

You made such a positive step to come here -thats a starting point of your recovery. 

I wish you all the best and I'm here if you want to talk.

Evita

X

Thank you all for your kind words. I really don’t feel like I deserve them. I am in touch with my doctor, I am on antidepressants and anti anxiety medication.

I really thought my husband would help me. I thought our bond was stronger. Maybe one day he will understand that I didn’t do any of this to purposely deceive him. I just couldn’t stop!

i have today spoken to citizens advice regarding my debt.

A part of me wishes I hadn’t said anything, but the other part of me feels so relieved to not be hiding stuff anymore. 

Dear lisa, you definitely do deserve the kind words, you are not a bad person, you are a person who has been overcome by an addiction. Eventually your husband would of found out mine did he obviously took it badly but he has said he doesn't think he would have felt any better if I'd told him. You're right the sense of relief is massive and to be truthful, if my husband left today I would have no regrets living like that was killing me I'm so much better now......9 months gamble free !! You can do this too, dig deep and put all your effort into recovery...for you. Other people will see the change and if they don't there's nothing you can do about it. We can't control what other people think and feel.. Look after yourself.

Some great replies here and great support. Amazing people who help you get through this. 

@lisa78

I'm also sorry to hear about your husband's reaction to your admission

I'm a big advocate for telling your loved ones as it takes it off you a little. Now you can start living honestly without lies or deceit. 

Hopefully he'll come round to understanding and supporting you but if he doesn't there is still life after this. If you've done this for a long time then you stop looking at what's around you. Get a clear head, start Ga or some counselling and before long you'll start living again. Who knows what's waiting for you in this next stage of your life?

Keep writing on here too.

Chris.

Always think and say to yourself. Lottery and scratchcards all gambling ganes are all the same regardless off what odds say. Lisa my friend once said. "Its not that i don't want you to win" its because "your not gonna win" best lines I've ever heard. If they want you to win they why sell lottery tickets, scratch cards ( they are the worst at £20 some I've seen)?  I one point was addicted to lottery tickets. I played same numbers.Sometimes i go through 2 weeks not buying 1 ticket. The next week i have one go. I dont get addicted on buying loads of lottery tickets like i used to cos i know im not gonna win. I just play thunderball as odds wise its the easiest game to win. I have had 2 close wins at £100 on thunderball back 2019.  Mark these words. Next time your near a shop think this "Its not that i dont want you to win" on lottery or scratchcards acorn. The odds are against you that "your not gonna win" hope this helps you in your way of combatting your thinking. Just when u need to just keep telling and make yourself believe it and say your not gonna win. Hope this makes sense. Also if its online smartphone, laptop your gambling on. Put blockers on. With smartphone i have betblocker, gamban and gamstop. 3 blockers. My EE network block bars are on. My bank account is blocked from gambling. Also been through process of asking them to never let me take any loans out. when lockdown is lifted go to your genuine phone shop samsung or iphone. Ask if they can pass word protect your factory reset and not let them show u the password or code or how it is done. Or see if they can remove factory reset. Reply back please hope this makes sense lisa