In the depths of despair

Ads67 wrote: Hi all.. First time on here.. So here goes nothing.. I'm so ashamed of the person I have become.. I've been gambling on and off for around 3 yrs now (online slots) I started this madness after my marriage of 25 yrs came to an.end... Always been so sensible up to then.. Sort of self destruct I guess as I was deeply depressed... Well I've finally hit rock bottom as not a penny to my name and owe bank 8k and even though I'm working I've not even got any cash for food for the next month... I'm in big trouble.. And hate this version of me... I'm disgusted with myself... I need help with this but don't know how to move forward from this point in my life or even if I can... Advice would be welcome

No idea why I've posted twice lol

you are not alone pal we gone through same situation. Despite we know one day that we gonna blow all up we dont learn i got so many chances some very close calls but did not learn, Now we learn after destroying everything. I lost all my savings yesterday. and now no chance i am going back to gambling again its worst ever feelings i ever faced after massive loss. Only time will heal if we stay away from this **** disease

If I'm really honest FM79 and add up what I've lost... Around 40k firstly on online poker and more recently in smaller amounts in comparison around a grand a.month... And like you my most recent was yesterday too... Even when I'm at it.. I'm telling myself I'm a idiot and just know how it's going to end up... Yes I've had wins.. Was 6k to the good only last Feb.. But that one more go never ends up being that does it?
You are so right when you say it's the worst feeling ever and like you if I can somehow. Get through this month on fresh air I am determined not to go back to feeling so low again... I hope you manage to make the break.. And yes it's certainly an awful disease.. Good luck

For what it's worth I was in exactly your position in 2009.

I can only give you advice on what worked for me at the time.

Money is only money: it doesn't matter. Emotional happiness, balance, personal peace - we can't put a price on that.

If you owe money to friends and family then, yes, that's a problem, and to have self resepect you should do everything in your power to pay it back, otherwise you can't look yourself in the eye in the mirror.

But,

If you owe the 8k to banks or payday lenders who recklessly lent you the money, then boo-hoo, it's THEIR problem for being so greedy. Most of their charges and interest will likely be recoverable if you challenge it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating debt avoidance, but these companies are just as scumbaggy as the gambling sites which took your money in the first place.

For me, depression, genuine depression, not a "oh woe is me, I feel bad about my life so I'll have a bet", but real grinding despair nearly destroyed my life. But what "saved" me, was realising that something needed to change in my life, and I if I didn't face up to it, then I could carry on till the end of days replacing a gambling addiction for a drink addiction for a smoke addiction for a s*x addiction for a "insert any 'illness' to excuse my behaviour".

It's a bloody hard road, the hardest road in fact, to be honest with yourself and stop looking for excuses. I'm not even sure I'm there yet myself - I still drink too much to get away from my dissatisfaction with my life/myself, but to find a less destructive focus for our time is good.

I wish you well, sincerely.

Vx

Ty for your comments pleasegambleirr... I have spent the night awake turning things around in my mind....and like you say.. Things have to change! I've got very little self respect and can't look my daughters in the eye.. Because I feel such a disappointment to them these last 4 yrs.. I really want to get back to the person I was previously.. And like you I suffer from real depression (not jus the blues) and have been in and out of phychiatric hospitals on several occasions.. This started after my divorce.. And then the gambling started..I've got to do this or I'll end up in an early grave. I know that.. My head is such a mess.. And it's a real struggle.. Hopefully one I can win

Ads67 only one solution never ever think about gambling again. we are in same situation and we will be ok next few days but make firm decision not gamble again forever

Yep FM79....your of course right... And I'm sure like me you've told yourself that many times.. I've said it again only tonight... I'm now blocking gambling sites best I can.. And trying to find the resolve to win this fight... I wish you well too and hopefully we can get this demon off our backs for good

Hi guys I'm George I'm a gambler addicted for about 12 years, I said a few times I will give up, I will not play any more, but even last night I was in casino and I played, I won, and even if I won some money 600£ I stilled want to play! I have no satisfaction in wining money, I have no feelings any more! I meet people how lost a fortune like hundreds of thousands of pounds, I meet people how tried to suicide because they was in debs, and nothing makes me to change! If someone found a solution, a plan, I'm ready to leasing! I'm just 27 years nearly half of my life was lost because of this s**t! And I really want to stop it!

Hi George
What you say about winning is so true.. It gives me no great pleasure.. In fact it leads to bigger stakes and the obvious losing it all in the end.. I always feel losing is going to be result of my.gambling but still do it.. Why? I wish I knew.. I really do.. I've been down the suicide route.. Unsuccessfully of course lol.. Just like you I am so tired of feeling empty and ashamed of my habit and am determined to stop.. I've installed blocking software today.. Not the complete answer I know.. But is a step in right direction.. I wish you well in your struggle in George

George... You ask if there is a solution /plan... Well there is and it's not the magic wand I was hoping would appear I'm afraid... But in my opinion actually admitting to the problem is a good start.. But just the beginning.. But changing these habits is the challenge which faces us all and from reading posts on here from others.. Some. Good and some sadly like you and me stories of relapse and regret... I'm determined to stop my self destruction now and yes I'm sure I'll find it as difficult as you do... But it's time for the madness to stop... Ive talked to counsellors on phone and they will listen without judgement.. It does help to get it off your chest.. But hate to say it fella... It's down to us ourselves to realise the damage done to our lives and others around us... We've got to beat this disease.. And can.. You know like me how bad it feels and I for one will use that feeling as a constant reminder to not go down this road ever again.. And hope you can too

What it's funny, all my family members what addicted to smoking, I said I will never be addicted with nothing, and I said I'm a powerful person I can do whatever I want but gambling it's a real challenge for me! And my problem I had good result in playing poker, but when I'm losing or I'm 2-3th I'm really mad and I starting playing rullet or slots and lose all my money which I carry with me! I'm dreaming to have a brake, from all those games, at least one year and if I feel confident with me I will play poker again!

GeorgeG wrote:

What it's funny, all my family members what addicted to smoking, I said I will never be addicted with nothing, and I said I'm a powerful person I can do whatever I want but gambling it's a real challenge for me! And my problem I had good result in playing poker, but when I'm losing or I'm 2-3th I'm really mad and I starting playing rullet or slots and lose all my money which I carry with me! I'm dreaming to have a brake, from all those games, at least one year and if I feel confident with me I will play poker again!

There is only one solution no brake just quit. Believe me if you dont it will be a disaster for u

George.. Fm is so right.. Taking a break for a while won't work.. I take a break everytime I.run out of money.. You need a clear decision to stop.. For ever.. Hard as it is.. Do you like feeling gutted. Ashamed and angry after you've gambled? I.know I don't.. And that's what's gonna get me out of this rut.. This thing is evil.. Good luck.. But taking a break for a while won't do it..