Hi guys,
I am back again i started my first thread when i lost 1k couple of months ago was shocked cos it was my first big loss. But now i lost my savings due to not learning. If you read my first thread then you will find out that in March 2015, i successfully qutted with no apparent reason when i was up £170.
After losing first time i tried not to play and start attending counselling meetings and Ga meetings too. Back in my mind i was still thinking about my losses, after discussing with my counselor who asked what's going to work for you towards quitting. I said to him if i go back to 2015 position when i was up £170 then i will be really happy and then quit ( such a stupid thinking). Counsellor said if this is how its going to work for you towards quitting then you can try.
Since then i was playing here and there but only slots and was winning and sometimes losing bit but finally reached my target. Also i kept self excluding most websites where i was registered and left one website opened where i was playing most of the time.
The problem started that after reaching the target i could not stop, i told my counselor that i reached my target now i have no excuses and someone has to step in to help me but counselor did not give any advice.
My target reached from £170 to £200 then £250 , when i reached £274 i decided to let my last online casino website know that i wanted to self exclude my self and before that i want to play one more time, but they banned me permanently.
After my main website closed for me then there my evil addiction kicked in i and start chasing website where i was not self excluded and managed to recover two websites.
Guys this is where i put myself in complete danger i played on one website was losing again but manged to make £6 and reached £280.
After that again i decided to play on other site which was known to be bad reputation. I ignored all signs and start playing on it i lost £200 there then start chasing and start playing roulette put another £500 and almost was losing then got big hit and managed to make £15 more. I got away with very close call losing big.
Guys here is my life changing moment after recovering the money and made £15 profit, i was swearing at myself and kept saying to me that i will not play no matter what i do i will not play and was only waiting my money to be cleared but did not selfexclude myself from that website, because i was telling myself that if i selfexclude the website before money cleared, they may hold my funds which was a total lie i was telling to myslelf.
When money cleared, and that morning i should have closed that website but instead of closing that website i start calculating the money that how much i made and i found out that i reached £295 and i am just £5 less reaching £300.
My brain made a suicidal decision and decided to reach £300, i went to same website and deposited £20 to make £5 profit and another mistake instead of choosing slots i chose roulette to play.
I lost all then deposited £100 lost all then deposit £500 lost and total i lost nearly £6000 all on roulette. You will not imagine i was placing bets of £500 and £1000 in single go.
Guys this is no ones fault i got so many chances and some very close calls losing big but i did not learn.
I dont work due to my mental illness and saved money very hard.
I am going to make every effort that it will never happen again. Although my wife is very bad with finances but i asked her to help and putting blocking software with password. I feel like its end of life and just regrets and sadness.
Hi there, you are not alone. I suffer with dreadful mental health too so totally understand how you feel right now.
Here is the hard bit, let the money go ! You can save again. Get guards in place and no compulsive gambler can play never mind in limits much to your cost as you see the 500 to 1000 hands I have spun in seconds on high stake slots.
So many here can relate to what you did. Make yourself a hot drink, take some deep breaths. I am new in my journey and diary but some very experienced members will be here soon and you will see some great support
I will save myself from the dark wrote:
Hi there, you are not alone. I suffer with dreadful mental health too so totally understand how you feel right now.
Here is the hard bit, let the money go ! You can save again. Get guards in place and no compulsive gambler can play never mind in limits much to your cost as you see the 500 to 1000 hands I have spun in seconds on high stake slots.
So many here can relate to what you did. Make yourself a hot drink, take some deep breaths. I am new in my journey and diary but some very experienced members will be here soon and you will see some great support
Hi and thanks for your support, i didn't learn and this regret always kills me. Yesterday morning i suppose to close that website instead of playing and would be my last ever visit to any gambling site but unfortunately that didn't happened
second day nearly completed still feel the misrey even worse but one thing for sure there is no way i will gamble again ever i hope this was life learning lesson
7th day no urges gamble free but still regrets sadness and guilt
a frustrating read seeing you back after how you reacted to losing 1k in your old thread, you need to ask yourself if you have learnt anything new from losing another big amount? are the necessary blocks in place for when you next want to try win some back? as last time there seems to be something missing, you need to break the cycle, or you will be back having lost more, theres really no easy way to say it and no one can do it for you.
dontchase wrote:
a frustrating read seeing you back after how you reacted to losing 1k in your old thread, you need to ask yourself if you have learnt anything new from losing another big amount? are the necessary blocks in place for when you next want to try win some back? as last time there seems to be something missing, you need to break the cycle, or you will be back having lost more, theres really no easy way to say it and no one can do it for you.
I hit rock bottom due to my non serious attitude , i should have learnt from my first mistake also did not take necessary measures. Now i definitely learnt my lesson £6000+ losses very very big punishment for me. I am attending GA meetings self excluded from websites put k9 software with password on. There is no way i go back to gamble again.
Was the counselling you took through Gamcare?
You seem to have blocks in place I attend GA and it helps me so much stick it out things can turn round you just have to put the effort in and you seem to be doing it.
KTF
Hi FM, yes, I had read this thread & your other one & I was shocked to see this not only because your last thread said you were going to GA & getting help but also because you were so hooked up on the finances. When I read that you had agreed with your counsellor you would get to a certain target, I didn't want to believe that a counsellor would have 'agreed' to that!
Good on you for accepting that gambling is not a way to get money, I too wish you had accepted it sooner but you are here now, with your wife beside you still & you haven't given up! You must not think about what you have lost, just focus your energy on moving forwards now! If you work with the support around you to help your mind get better, you will reap the rewards & be able to start saving again! The only people that get rich from gambling are the ones that own the companies!
Get rich living instead - ODAAT
ODAAT wrote:
Hi FM, yes, I had read this thread & your other one & I was shocked to see this not only because your last thread said you were going to GA & getting help but also because you were so hooked up on the finances. When I read that you had agreed with your counsellor you would get to a certain target, I didn't want to believe that a counsellor would have 'agreed' to that!
Good on you for accepting that gambling is not a way to get money, I too wish you had accepted it sooner but you are here now, with your wife beside you still & you haven't given up! You must not think about what you have lost, just focus your energy on moving forwards now! If you work with the support around you to help your mind get better, you will reap the rewards & be able to start saving again! The only people that get rich from gambling are the ones that own the companies!
Get rich living instead - ODAAT
Thanks ODAAT, yes its true counsellor agreed, he said that if setting target works towards quitting helps then you can try that. I have been to counseling after losing second time, he accpeted that he regrets as well as i told him before few days losing my savings that i got away with nearly close call losing big and he could have given me some advice which he did not but he said he will improve.
There was no money making i was interested my target was to quit when i lost first time but i chose the wrong way and start digging my own grave.
I regret that i was sure that i could quit without losing any penny after losing first time but that did not happen due to my non serious attitute towards quitting.
Oldhamktf wrote:
Was the counselling you took through Gamcare?
You seem to have blocks in place I attend GA and it helps me so much stick it out things can turn round you just have to put the effort in and you seem to be doing it.
KTF
Yes counselling through gamcare, I am putting every effort not to gamble again ever. I lost too much due to my little non serious attitude and was thinking that there is no way i even lose £100 again, but i was so wrong continue playing was the biggest mistake. But i am sure i learnt my lesson very badly and will not let this misery happen again.
What are you going to do differently this time round to make sure that you don't fall into the same trap? Sooner or later, temptation will arise and what will stop you from acting on it?
As you have found to your cost, will power melts away unless supported by barriers without loopholes plus external support (GC counselling, GA).
It's what you do to change things for you that will bring about the changes.
CW
Cynical wife wrote:
What are you going to do differently this time round to make sure that you don't fall into the same trap? Sooner or later, temptation will arise and what will stop you from acting on it?
As you have found to your cost, will power melts away unless supported by barriers without loopholes plus external support (GC counselling, GA).
It's what you do to change things for you that will bring about the changes.
CW
Hi Cynical wife this time i made proper measures self excluding and putting blocker on, also attending all meetings. 9th day gone no urges just regrets no way for me to gamble again.
Two weeks still gambling free no urges, but can't forget the losses i don't why its so hard to swallow the losses, day by day i am going into more depression. Maybe this is my first ever biggest loss in my whole life but i don't know who to cope with it.
Well done on first couple weeks! Its very early days but your doing well. The money lost is the one thing that takes really long to heal. The healing is a blessing and a curse(i say curse because we somehow forget the pain we caused after a long time and the idea of gambling again suddenly is ok).
Anyway be patient and these feelings about the money wasted eventually get less and less and more positive things enter yoir mind
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
