Hi all I'm just looking for a little help. I am a 40 year old woman who has found out her 63 year old mum has serious gambling addiction.2 year ago we discovered that my mum had run into thousands of pounds worth of debt through gambling to the point they had to sell the family home. Once the family home was sold my parents moved into rented accommodation and everything seemed to have settled down. Naively at the time I didn't see it as the problem it was and thought everything was fine. 4 weeks ago I discovered my mum has stolen a substantial amount of money from my step grandma to use to gamble. I am in utter disbelief I can't believe that my mum who has taught me right from wrong since the day I was born and has been such a good mum could do this. My step grandma naturally is so angry and has gone to the police. I have never had any dealings with the police in my life. We have got my mum counselling and took away all access to bank accounts however I feel totally bereft and unsure how to move forward. I will always love and support my mum as I know this is an illness and know the kind she has done will always outweigh these actions, however I am terrified for the future what if she goes to jail how will my dad cope, what effect will it have on her what effect will it have on mine and my siblings childrens. I just don't know what to do for the best. Thanks for listening
Hi Lou, so sorry to hear your pain & I really do empathise. My mother is also an amazing woman who would die for me (she previously donated a kidney to my late sister) but to the best of my knowledge & her persistent assurances that she doesn’t do it anymore (she went back to work & is now in her 70’s doing full time hours I believe), she could not stop gambling for us! I enabled her gambling for many years because the fear of the consequences of not bailing her out crippled me...She stole “only” from us kids & her own mother to the best of my knowledge so the police have never been involved thankfully.
Stupidly I followed in her footsteps & can look back on those years now & hand on my heart say I am grateful for EVERYTHING I have experienced because I no longer gamble anymore & now have a recovery program. The problem with us addicts is that we isolate ourselves with our addictions & shut out the world. Sadly we cannot be helped until we are ready to accept that help & sometimes all that is available to our loved ones is to try & protect themselves & get help for themselves in dealing with the pain we cause. No-one can give you the answers to your questions @ this point but you can get support from GamCare (phone & net lines as well as free counselling for all you loved ones as well as us gamblers) & GamAnon meetings.
Some of the other loved ones will probably be along soon & so I will end this on a hope that you take all the support you need to help you cope with this - ODAAT
Hi Lou, you must be in shock. I've heard a few stories like this lately. Is your mother gambling online? If so get her to sign up to gamstop. She can self exclude from bookies and bingo halls.Get help with finances from stepchange, they might know about prosecution too. They are a charity and offer great advice. There may be more debt as she's resorted to stealing. There may be a prosecution, court, repayment plan etc. It would help if she went to a GA meeting and you can go to gamanon. Look online on their website for meetings (they are separate websites). You all need help and advice. Basic rules are don't pay a gambler's debts. They have to face the consequences. Gamcare offer counselling to both gambler and those affected, you may have to wait though. Call and talk to someone. Gamanon is also online Sunday nights 8-9. If you or your family don't seek help this will continue. The gambler will promise never again but this is a very difficult addiction to fight without support. Ask lots of questions here too.
Thank you both for your replies. Yes it was online gambling and she is in touch with gam care herself and all blocks have been put in place. Didn't know about step change so will mention that to her. Yes I think we have a long road ahead but so helpful with your comments. Much appreciated.
Hello Lou H,
Well done on joining the forum and sharing your story.
You mention that your mum has contacted GamCare and put blocks in place, that is good.
Just so you know, GamCare can also provide free therapy sessions for family members, partners and affected others, so if you or anyone else involved would like some local or online or telephone counselling appointments to help you come to terms with what has happened or to help you take good care of yourselves going forward, please feel welcome to call us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 or our netline. As advisers on the helpline/netline we can facilitate referrals for local or online treatment, or we can provide supportive telephone callbacks. We can also signpost you to other types of support. We can also listen and provide emotional support over the helpline.
Take care,
Forum admin.
Thank you for your reply. I think I will need some form of counselling to help me come to terms with all this, and to ensure I am giving my mum and the rest of the family the best support I can. Luckily for me my husband is a great support and one step away from the heartache that my siblings and dad are feeling. I certainly will be posting and keeping updates on how things progress. I must also say how fantastic the police have been throughout proceedings so far.
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