Just signed up, such a horrible day

Hello pointlad

Welcome to the Forum and well done for reaching out - this is not always easy to do.  However, you have taken such a positive step and I'm sure you will get a lot of support and connect with others who are in Recovery from problem gambling.

Many people find it very useful to get advice and support for how to deal with the impact of gambling harm and I sincerely hope that you can to.  Along with the Forum we have Advisers available 24/7 to help you through this tough time.  You can contact an Adviser by calling our Helpline on 0800 8020 133 or using our LiveChat option.  I encourage you to make contact with us so we can discuss the best way forward for you.

Please know that you are not alone and we are all here to support you.

Best

Amanda

Forum Admin

Hi pointlad and welcome to the forum.

The door to gamble was wide open and you need to talk through your feelings ready for a born again moment when you finally realise you must tell people close and get all the help you can.

Its an addiction...a drug addiction. We have been there so understand why it leaves you why it leaves you scratching your head in a numb panic as reality dawns again.

Your gambling makes no sense. at best it should be money you can afford to lose but I dont agree with any gambling because I know how addictive and highly dangerous it is.

Im afraid your girlfriend needs to know...if you love her she needs to know.....if you want to protect her from this she needs to know.

Let me put it like this. I finally realised the addiction was killing me. I finally realised I was a helpless addict. I finally realised after three days crying in a room that I could take no more dark thoughts. I picked up the phone and told my father everything.

I needed help and the previous fear or embarrassment of telling him was nothing compared with an addiction that was destroying me.

Its a progressive addiction and it only goes one way...downwards to hell on earth. Ive heard stories about life savings being stolen from biscuit tins and these people started at lower levels of gambling. Ive seen the guy in the bookies that tells everyone to stop moaning and grow a pair beacuse hes lost thousands in a day...like its a badge of honour and sign of a real man...its pathetic really and deluded gamblers banter controlled by mental illness

You dont want to be these people. There is no shame in reaching out for help. If you prepare and give control of all your money to your girlfriend there are ways of breaking the news in a better way.

Yes its not easy to do but neither are the thoughts in your head now which will eat you away and tempt you to do it all again and on it goes until you break the cycle.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

So just for an update. 

I went gambling at the weekend and was actually up for a while betting football, so i thought id try the horses to see if i could break even for the week. Long story short i ended up another 500 out of pocket. i just felt so awful. Thats when i finally made the decision to come clean to my girlfriend, she was ferious. i think that my only saving grace was i hadnt touched our joint savings. we stayed up talking through the night and i told her everything, of all the gambling ive done down the years and the need to bet bigger to try and break even.

I cant begin to imagine why but she is sticking with me. ive handed all my cards over to her and she has organised a preloaded debit card that she will be putting money on for me each week. weve agreed that if i need anything i must tell her what it is and why i need it, then she will order it for me.

I honestly feel such a mixture of shame and relief. Shame that i have done this and now need to be treated like a child but relief that its out in the open. Today was offically day 1 of the bookies being open and no bet being placed. I just hope its one of many.

Pointlad 

Dear @pointlad

Firstly, well done for sharing with your girlfriend about your gambling. This is not always easy, but it is very positive that you have opened up to her.  

There is no need to feel ashamed about this, as humans we all make mistakes. The important thing is that you had the courage to be open and honest with her about it and by doing so you have given yourself a bit of relief.

Your girlfriend sounds like she has been very understanding and it’s a step forward by giving her control of your finances. Don’t think of it as being treated like a child, it is an important step in becoming gamble free and for now, it might be safer for someone else to help you with managing your finances.  

Please remember that you are not alone with this, we are here to support you if you feel you need some more advice or support.

Wishing you all the best,

Sophie

Forum Admin

Hi pointlad, welcome!

I’m sorry to hear your story but I’m so proud of you for opening up to your girlfriend. It’s the hardest thing to do, and something I have only done recently after 7 years of a gambling problem. I haven’t gambled since 1st November 2020 and although my gambling story will never be over, I have started to get my life back.

I have felt your pain of things opening up, giving more opportunities to ‘earn it back’.  For me it’s casinos opening on Monday so I am taking myself out of London for a few days to get over the initial temptation.

Wishing you all the best.

And so my recovery lasted until this evening. 

I went for drinks after work for a colleagues birthday. I had informed my girlfriend of this and was given 40 pound to go out. However i also had my credit with me that i had never activated before. We were finally allowed back in bars and the craic was good. There was also a bookies next door. i slipped out and bet on a horse. i lost and ten started withdrawing money on the credit card. Quick hour and 300 quid later i now have to tell my girlfriend what ive done. I dont know if i can forgive myself never mind for her to forgive me.