Today i had 15 in my wallet, i dont get money until Tuesday coming, and found myself driving to the bookies to play the fobt. I guess i thought if i could turn that 15 into 100 then i could buy myself a badly needed pair of trainers and have money left over for a few drinks over the weekend. I lost it obviously, then made a phonecall to my mum asking to borrow 60 for trainers and i would pay her back on Tuesday when my money comes through. I then lost that as well and feel so devastated as i had gone 2 weeks without entering a bookies. I was even playing in a bookies i was self excluded from flying under the radar!
Up until today i have never even had the urge but something seemed to trigger in my mind this morning and give me the urge.
My mum knows about my gambling and is finding it very difficult, she even asked on the phone what the money was for and i convinced her i was going to buy trainers. This is causing terrible strain on my mum and her health, i suffer from schizophrenia and feel almost suicidal after i do it yet i cant kick it for good 🙁
Hi eggyfried - First of all, you obviously love your Mum and she supports you with love, so you don't want to be giving her any more grief by self-harm. Secondly, yes, you can free yourself from this awful addiction, and coming to this site will be a big help. We have all been through that pointless exercise of thinking that all our money troubles will be solved by just one more bet or spin. It never happens - even a big win gets given back to the casino or bookies.
If you read other people's stories here you will see that you can turn your life around even with tremendous financial hardship.
People get out in the fresh air, find new interests and begin to discover the freedom of not thinking about the next bet.
I know you have mental health problems to contend with, and that's not an easy path, but gambling is certainly not going to make things better for you.
So try to visit this site as much as you can and you will find lots of support and encouragement.
Best wishes,
Joanna
Hi eggyfried,
Welcome to the forum, and well done for posting here.
I can understand how difficult and painful it must be for you to speak about your relapse here, especially, when you’ve tried hard for 2 weeks without going to the bookies. It’s brave of you to come and share your story with other forum members.
The important thing is that you’re still working hard on your recovery, and by posting and reading from here, you’ll get a lot of encouragement and support too. What you must take note of is that no one wants to relapse when trying their best to recover, but at the same time it is not unusual for that (relapse) to happen. This should rather make you even more determined to work hard on your recovery process. Remember the saying: “if at first you don’t succeed, try again!” This is a fight you have to win, so keep going.
At the same time, you have a responsibility to yourself to follow the advice we offer you on strategies and boundaries. At any given time if you feel like you’re struggling to manage your urges after applying those strategies and boundaries, you’re welcome to come back to us for more help and support. It is doable, and you can overcome your gambling addiction.
My advice is that you should be patient with yourself, and take it step by step. Maybe you’ll like to consider allowing your mum to take control of all your finances until such time that you feel well recovered to manage your finances again?
Also, make sure you distract yourself from gambling by replacing your spare time with other hobbies that are not related to gambling. Once you start adhering to this, the urge will pass, and you don’t have to respond to it.
Additionally, I’m advising you to let go of your losses, as you cannot have those monies back. Trying to chase them will end you in deeper debts. It would be helpful to you if you try and focus on your recovery process instead, and look to a future where you’ll be rid of gambling.
Gamcare is here to help and support you through this. Perhaps you may like to call our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133 to have a 1 to 1 chat with one of our specially trained advisers. We’re open everyday from 8.00am to 12.00midnight.
Thanks again for your post, and please keep posting as often as you can.
Kind regards,
Beatrice
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