As the title says I’ve lost a lot more then money during my gambling nightmare. I have lost me family, my home, everything due to gambling and it’s torture because there is no one else to blame except myself.
I have been gambling for 19 years, I remember my first winner as I’m sure every one does and then the ‘this is easy’ thought comes into your mind. And that was it I was hooked. Fast forward 19 years and it’s £1,£2 that your gambling but far more. I know the money isn’t what makes us addicts but it’s the time we lose and waste doing it. The amount of time I could of spent doing more productive things is shocking and looking back I have wasted to much time.
Over the years I have gambled both online and in the shops, spending vast amounts of money that could of and should of gone to different things. Online gambling is a lonely and sad place to bet, you haven’t even got to leave bed to lose money. I found the shop more of an appeal to me as it has a social aspect to me, speaking to the ‘regulars’ which you soon become one of. I also found that over the years winning money didn’t have a buzz/thrill to it, the bigger buzz came from losing money and then finding winning it back the challenge. Sad I know. I used to look at the young kids 18/19 coming in and doing there £5 football accas and thinking ‘boys if only knew the damage starting is going to cause you down the lone’ I wish they don’t end up down the same path as me.
I am in a social group and it’s all that is spoken about, even people at work talk about betting, I don’t think people realise how big a problem it is within society. I’m not blaming these people, they may be able to control themselves but I couldn’t removed link
Like I’ve said I’ve lost more than just money, about 8 months ago my partner left due to my gambling, after a lot of grovelling and now empty promises, she agreed to give me another chance, on the condition that if I gambled again she would be gone for good. I took it all for granted and she’s now done with me and I have no one else to blame except myself. I have lost my partner, my 3 young kids and my house.
I have been signed up to gamstop for the past 3 years and have signed up for 7, I have at the beginning on June signed up with Moses and am self excluded from all shops within 20 miles, I have also self referred myself and had my first only session yesterday and found it good to open up with someone who has an understanding of what I’m saying and not some one who thinks it’s as easy as turning a light off. I also have a calendar which I tick the days off when I haven’t had a bet, currently on 18 and soon it will be 30 then 60 then 365. Gambling has also caused me to run about huge amounts of debt that I am now in a debt management plan for and will be for the next year at least.
I’m doing this for me now and for my kids, I want them to Ben able to look up to me and remember good things about me, not like I do about my dad, standing outside the bookies on a Saturday afternoon while he was putting his bets on them home to watch the horses.
I wish that no one ever has to go through what I have gone through and if I can help any one stop then just message me, it can be beaten you just need to find it within yourself why your stopping!
Thanks
Dom
Hi Dom
Thank you for posting your story! I found it so moving and relatable. The words resonate with me so much. Absolutely agree that it's so much more than money we lose... Friendships, family, self!
I am into my 5th week of being gamble free, after 7 years of compulsive gambling. Just played slots on my phone at home.. I say home? I lost my home and now live in a very depressing complex.. My only relationship for last several years has been with gambling... I do feel it was hurt and trauma that kept me gambling? Or maybe that's an excuse, or sounds like one? I guess we all gamble for different reasons or there are different sorts of gamblers? But whatever the reason once you you become compulsive gambler, it feels like there's no way out!!! I think everybody has their rock bottom? And the strength it takes to stop you have to summon with every bone in your body! But as soon as I stopped it was like I'd never gambled at all?? Which was very weird? I am not missing it at all... But the aftermath of what I did for those 7 years is really hard to deal with. Not the thousands upon thousands I gave to this vile addiction! But the damage I did to friendships, my self... My moral compass, any self care at all went out the window! Living on food banks... I have called gamcare everyday for weeks since I stopped! They are so patient and empathetic.... Its not because I'm struggling with or have the urge to gamble at all... Its more that I'm talking out loud with them to process or make sense of my own thoughts? I realise now that I isolated myself for so long but didn't feel the loneliness as I had my gambling (my relationship) for company.
I'm also quitting smoking after many, many years... Which is another positive, but all this energy that I have given to horrible addictions now has to go somewhere else.. Its like starting all over again! I guess this is the same for you? I really hope that you rebuild that relationship with your boys.. I am sure you will!! You have put everything in place to stop you from gambling ? and so you definitely have that commitment for sure. 19 years is a long time! So to make this decision now shows great inner strength and also how much you care for your family.. I think you are a good person, who like so many has been caught up in this addiction for far too long and suffered the horrible consequences that sadly come along with it!
It is interesting that you talked about your father... Your memory as a young boy waiting outside the bookies... You know many people who have suffered trauma or neglect in some way as children are known to go on to addictions of some description... I truly believe that everything starts with self compassion and forgiving yourself... And you truly deserve this. Your story is so honest and moving, it jumps of the page. Thank you again and I wish you every success going forward?
Hi Dom,
Welcome to the forum.
Thanks for taking the time to share your story and being open and honest about it. I'm sure your story will resonate with many on here and I hope your message will give whoever is reading this the courage to reach out for support.
I'm sorry to hear how your gambling has impacted you and the people around you. Problem gambling can be very all- consuming. The emotional distance and tension it creates can have a devastating impact on relationships and families. I do hope you get the opportunity to re-establish your relationships with your kids and loved ones.
It sounds like you have taken positive steps so far in your recovery. You have signed up to Gamstop and self-excluded from bookies around you. I'm pleased to hear you have got yourself referred for 1:1 therapy and you have found it good to open up to someone that understands the depths of problem gambling.
Should you be in need of any further support with your recovery, please feel free to contact the helpline on 0808 8020 133 or via our live chat available from the website https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/ both of which are open seven days a week, 24 hours a day and where one of our advisers will be able to talk, for as long as you need, and look at all the support available to you.
Wishing you all the very best,
Vanessa
Forum Admin.
You forgot Health DOM, Gambling can literally destroy our health.
I regret the first bet i ever had.
I've done an 8 year gambling sentence myself and its easily set me back 5+ years in life
was in 12K debt by 22 insolvent by 23
Fortunately i could see where it was going and just about manged to pull myself out of the gambling quicksand and out of debt by 28
As you say we will never get that time back and now i'm working like a lunatic to try and catch up to where i should be in life
had a couple of hiccups during the lockdown but given the pressure we have all been under ive not been too hard on myself and back on the wagon now
It's a very very dangerous habit that is up there with C*****e and alcohol
turn your back on it best thing you will ever do
Hi Joannieb, thanks for your response. Well done on your 5th week. I'm no expert, far from it but we all gamble for different reasons. Mine was an escape, a place i could hide maybe from reality. I agree everybody has there rock bottom and for me, my rock bottom was when i had lost everything i had. At 33 i'm having to start again, which i have no one else to blame but myself. I don't think about gambling if im honest because im so concentrated on stopping that i dont want to know, all i have in my head now is dont gamble. I understand completly, like i've said its more then the money, the relationships, the friendships, everything that you put off because you didnt have the money. You can't get that time back, so we need to make the most of it now. Well done for calling, better to share your thoughts then to overthink over and over. That's why i like the 1-1 session, the things im saying they resonate with and understand where as alot of people wouldnt, they would simply say if you want to stop, stop, its not that easy.
No that i'm on the right path, my kids will benefit from this massivly, we all will. Thanks for your message again and good luck.
Hi Vanessa, thank you for reply. I believe that every step that is out there to limit my possibly I have taken. It isn't a quick fix repairing the relationships that I have taken for granted, as you have said about the tension and emotional distance, looking back you are right, 100% right.
Hi johnny, thank you for your reply. Your right I did forget health, not so much physically but definatly mentally, my mind constantly thinking bet day on pay day then having the other end of the spectrum thinking what am i going to tell her? How am i going to get the money for the bills? I hope that by not gambling, i will no longer have to think those things. I have often thought about whether i regret my first bet, looking back on the damage it has caused I do, i look at what i could have now opposed to what i actually have. Hopefully being 33 years old, i have wasted many years gambling but will have many more infront of me gamble free and can enjoy my life instead of constantly stressing with gambling.
Hi Max, thanks for your reply. I look at what my friends have in there lives and think i should have all those things, I am 33 years old so have many years ahead of me and will play catch up. I may have lost my relationship but i am determined to be a role model for my kids. Regarding my finances im in a DMP and will be for the next year at least, hopefully get it paid off sooner, i've got the determination now to sort my life out. Well done though mate of seeing the damage and the road you were on and stopping, a bump in road is just that, realising it and stopping is another. Well done
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