My family isn't ready to talk...

It's natural for her to see a liar. I've been there and being taken for a mug by the one person who should have your back stings. She needs time to process the deception so my advice would be not to pressure her to talk and take the inevitable anger and questioning when it does come on the chin.

What else are you doing to show her you mean business?

Have you handed over finances? Given her access to your credit reports? Signed up with Gamstop? Looked into online GA meetings?

She needs to see action not listen to what will sound to her like empty promises.

The best thing to do is keep showing your comitted to changing and recovering. Well done on self exclusion and registering cbt.

It sounds like her leaving is a big fear to you. Shes just hurting and needs some time to process. The best thing you can do no matter what right now for yourself and family is keep on the recovery path.

Lou x 

Hi Dave77 and Welcome.

Yes its tough but deep down we all knew the reality checks were coming and that they would be harsh. Our  families and partners were never going to be happy with the situation.

If it was an activity we were proud of, we would tell the world about it. Thats why its a seedy little secret we kept hidden

The truth is out and the reality is that is better for you than a secret addiction that was destroying you. It may seem like a harsh truth at the moment but its one that will ultimately set you free in the deepest sense.

Look I dont know any gambler that was doing it with an evil laugh to hurt our loved ones. If anything our delusion thought it would help matters.

I feel once your family know a bit more about how this addiction works they will come to understand. Im not saying you shouldnt face responsibility and they should show some tough love from now on.

You will have to take this on the chin and show some humility. Its up to you to show how you are going to make this work. The trust is actually a small price to pay compared to a drug addiction that was devastating everything.

If you handle this right and hand over control, the onus is on you to accept the problem and seek all the help you can get.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thank you all for taking the time to respond to me. 
I’m struggling to sleep tonight so it’s been nice to know you are there, I really appreciate all of your comments.

Hi, I know how you feel, i relapsed today was not even my money I used my partner's account, he is so disappointed he told me he can never trust me. ?

your not alone, this is a great place to be for support I hope you are feeling better 

@dave77 but you are a liar. Just because you are now ready to get help don't assume that your wife should be too.

As a compulsive gambler lying goes hand in hand with compulsive gambling. We can't help ourselves and even when we stop the lies keep going. You have to work hard to stop lying. 

I was the same. I lied over everything while I gambled and after I stopped. It took me to catch myself in the act and say"actually I just lied, what I meant to say was...." You'll only need to do that a few times before the brain realises what happens if you lie and you start being truthful.

I imagine you are telling the truth now but there will still be lies in there somewhere. Try my way, see if that helps.

As for your wife, you are going to have to show her, not just tell her. You might never regain her trust or it might take a week. Just keep doing the right thing and eventually she'll see for herself.

As mentioned, find a GA group. You'll be among others like you and your wife might be able to make friends with one of the wifes and get some support herself.

Chris.

I'm confused. .why should your wife be working on saving the marriage,  she is innocent in this. You need to work on your problem,  I'm pretty sure she'll be devastated and not spending time thinking of retaliation. .

Hi Dave,

Your doing the right things with the self exclusion. Have you started the ccbt modules ? They are really insightful. Give your wife time she will have felt hurt and building trust takes a long time 

keep focused on recovery and well done for coming to the site and putting the exclusions in place it cant have been easy

Gamcare can also offer your wife emotional and practical advice/ support too. Its important she also isnt alone.

And of course your not alone either, their is a lot of support on this site

Louloux  

Yes i echo lou

There is a lot of support but bear in mind you do get the odd one that is so unhelpful  just ignore ?

Take care 

Hi Dave I was in the same Position as yourself I Lied and ran up a huge debt it has taken a 6mths for my wife to start believing me again she gave me my card back to do some Christmas shopping and I have taken good care not go back down that road every again she is beginning to trust me again but I can’t not trust myself yet I always give my card back so if I have bad day no card no gambling it works for me it takes time but with the help of gamcare you can get trust back take care                                                            
scotty??