Hello everyone and thanks for taking the time to read "My Situation"
Firstly,let me say that I have not gambled since November 2nd 2014.
I have a wife and three children whom I adore immensely,yet as you will read,my life is spiralling out of control.
I currently owe approximately £4900 on a credit card which I have been using for online gambling,withdrawing cash out of ATMs for the past 2 years. Prior to this,I owed £800 on a previous credit card due to online gambling and it got to the stage where I owned up to my wife what I had been doing. As you can imagine,she was horrified. We agreed that I would pay it off bit by bit and I was not under any circumstances to partake in any online or betting shop gambling ever again,this was it,this was my last chance,( a similar situation arose in 2005). So,for several months I chipped away at the £800 debt and felt quite pleased that the amount was gradually coming down and also I had abstained from gambling. Then came the urge...the adverts on TV,the welcome greetings on the internet,join now and we`ll match your first deposit etc etc. Immediately I signed up,placed a bet etc,I was back into it,I told myself "right,dont go daft now,just bet a little",how wrong was I! £2 bets became £5 bets,which became 10 then 20 then 50 then 100 etc...I would lose on football bets then think to myself,I`ll try and win it back on roulette,£5 a spin became £10 and then 20,50,100,200,500 and then 900 on one spin of a ball!! The feeling of sickness,emptiness,embarrassment,shame,remorse has now taken over my life. My kids want their Christmas presents and are excited for the occasion and selfish dad is beside himself with worry and guilt and his wife is completely unaware of his situation. £117.99 minimum payment before December 9th otherwise I`ll have the credit card company on my back,what a mess!! How do I explain myself,the lies the deceit,the questions I`ll have to answer etc. Using a family members address on my credit card details so that my wife never sees the annual statement or any other correspondance come through the post. What if I pay the £117.99 and the wife sees that amount has come out of our joint account? More questions,more stress,all brought on by myself. Then theres the next month statement and the next and so on and so on...turmoil. More sleepless nights,things in general going wrong causing more financial upheaval when will it ever end. I have been in touch with my credit card and explained I am struggling to pay the montly charges and now they want me to send them all my earnings,expenditures etc but will they then want me to pay a standing order each month thus showing on my bank statement which will utimately lead to my wife finding out,I dont know. I`m desperate for any advice. Do I confess now and shatter my wife who has already gone through a lot or do I wait til after Christmas and confess then? I really dont know which way to turn. I have said to myself I will never gamble again and I genuinely feel I will not do it again but the damage has already been done and now somehow I have to get myself out of this horrendous situation.
Please anyone,any advice will be most grateful.
Hi there,
18 days free...well done! You have already given yourself the best advice, you are taking steps to tackle the addiction - 18 days is a real achievement and you just need to keep on going strong. As for the situation with your wife, i really don't know what advice i can give you. Each way is going to be diffiuclt, if you choose not to tell your wife i think you need to tell someone the extent of your gambling if you havn't already - a family member, a friend or even a gamcare counsellor. Speaking to someone can make the difference believe me, they could help you get things back on track - mentally and financially.
I know what its like to be terrified of loved ones finding out at what you have done, i told them what i had done as soon as it had happened (i lost big time) and the music was really, really loud. So if you are going to tell her be prepared for a potential storm. Things will be tough but as long as you don't gamble things will get better.
In the end it's up to you friend, no one can make the decision for you. But seriously, you are doing well so don't give up and keep strong.
Hope this has helped you out.
Hi Familyman
First things first,well done for signing up on this website and for 19 days gambling free,that's a fantastic start straight away so your already on the right track.I too only signed up to this site a little while ago and I have found reading other people's posts and diarys absolutely invaluable.I have three kids myself and I'm actually in the process of trying to save my relationship and my sanity.(my story is called "thrown it all away" give it a little read it may help you to focus on what you need to do before its too late) As for confessing to your wife my friend Im afraid that's only a decision you can come too,I lied and lied for so many years and deceived the woman I loved for so long that I may have lost everything that I truly love.Whatever you decide to do regarding confessing it will have its consequences either way and will be a hard and emotional situation.You have already done great to have gone 19 days without gambling.Today is day 31 for me and it's been an absolute roller coaster of a journey with many tears and emotions not to mention the guilt! I've got so much further to go as do all of us "gambling addicts" but with determination and will power (just keep thinking of your loved ones and the damage you have inflicted upon them) you can beat this illness!! I'm 44 mate and I was gambling since age 17 yet it had taken me until a month ago to pull my head out my a**e and try and turn my life around.Its without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever done but stay focused and strong and just keep fighting the "demons".You can do it and trust me 19 days is fantastic.Keep reading other people's posts and diarys and maybe start your own,I have found it helps enormously.
Good luck and stay strong!
All the best for a gamble free life!!! It's the ONLY way.
Hi familyman
I read your post and Jjsdads reply and I thought it was a great bit of advice! I signed up to this website for people like yourselves help and advice, were all going through the same thing i n a way, im interested to hear what you do and what is the outcome as I'm in a similar situation and I feel like I have ruined Christmas AGAIN this year! The guilt is the worst, I'm just writing to let you know your not alone mate!
Hi familyman
I've been in your situation before a few times over the years. So I know what's it like to feel desperate.
I know you have a really hard decision to make. But wollowing in self pity is something you need to get over. The damage is done. Is there anyway you can repair this situation? Like looking for extra income or borrowing money from a relative and slowly paying them back?
Sorry if this sounds like tough love and normally don't take this stance. However it sounds like you genuinely fear for the breakup of your family. If your wife does find out than it'll make things look a lot better for you if you have a plan to repair the damage.
The main thing is too try and relax and not worry. If your panicking than you won't be able to make logical choices. One day at a time . Keep in contact, stay part of the community, your not alone.
Hi family man , good to hear youve made a start on your road to recovery
I am in a similar situation to yourself except i have even more on my credit cards which i think stands at around £5800 plus a £500 overdraft which is nearly maxed aswell
ive pretty much wasted nearly 6 and a half thousand pounds worth of money i haven’t even earnt yet , but if you think about it like that its not going to do you any favours
I try not to think about the debt too much , its counter productive and can even go as far as triggering relapses
I just think of it now as the finish line , once its paid ( and it will be as long as i behave myself) then for me that is it, i wont ever be getting myself into that kind of situation again because i know firsthand how hard and painfull it is to get out of it
Its almost like a Financial jail sentence
As far as family goes I am lucky i don’t have a wife or kids that i have to answer too yet ,
the only person who feels the brunt of my addiction and losses is me but trust me when i say ive beaten myself up enough to cover 5 people this year
If you love your wife then i would say come clean with what you have done , it will make you feel slightly better and it is good for recovery if you get everything out in the open
If she loves you then she will understand and you will get through it stronger than ever
I wish you the best of luck and hopefully we will be debt free in 2 – 3 years ( wishfull thinking) but that is my target and everyone needs a target
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