Hi All,
I don't know where should I start. I read some of the other members stories and all I can say is "I am no different than you!"
I will start from the begining: I gamble since I know about my self, I'm coming from a gambling family and gambling was always present in my life. My mother and father very succesful in their careers are gamblers( playing on a small money) we always had money - always( not from gambling, but becouse they were doing well professionaly). I took it on a different level.
I still have a very good job, I love my job, excellante pay and very interesting. In the last 10 years I lost around £60 000, I know, becouse I calculated. I won around £30 000, but I I lost around £90 000 and that makes me feel discusted - (I could have put a deposit on another flat - but I was an idiot). None of my friends, family, colleagues......knows that I am gambling, none of them even have a clue about my problem. I do not gamble every day (2-3 times a month) and I never gamble sober. Last time I gambled on 23/Dec/2016 and I lost £2000.00 (Also, when I gamble, I do it with big bets, I don't do £5.00, £10.00...I do £25.00, £50.00, £100.00). The next day I felt very bad and I decided to do something about it. I found this web site and I start reading your stories. I didn't want to write anything, I wanted to be a spectator, but than I thought "if everyone thinks is helpfull to confess, why not"
I play Black Jack and Poker, nothing else. All the money I have lost, I have lost on Black Jack. This is how my gambling session starts: I go out with my friends, colleagues....I would have around 4-5 pints, I live alone, I go home where I always have wiskey, I continue drinking and I gamble on-line (I do not go to casinos). I am not in financial trouble and have a flat, I have small loans, around £10 000 all together and a mortgage which I am paying them of and my credit score according to experian is 860 - probably becouse I gamble, I do not see any other reason why isn't 999.
I decided to stop completely while I am still not in trouble. I am a single male, I have a lot of friends, and I have a lot of hobies - I would say at least 6 (computers games, episodes(walking dead, game of trones....) futball, partying and two others which I can not mention them becouse someone might find out who I am and I said no one knows that I gamble and I want to keep that way. If I can stop and put this behind me, noone will ever know apart from you). I do feel ashamed of that, I do not feel good that I am an addict and I want to stop, I don't have an urge to gamble, but give me few pints and the first thing I do is gambling on-line.
Sorry about the long introduction.
Hi stopm and welcome.
As your gambling is solely online have you thought about using blocking software on your devices. It restricts gambaling websites and means even when tempted you won't be able to use them. K9 or bet filter seem to be highly spoke of on the forum. You can also contact your web provider and they can restrict you from going on to betting pages.
I know you said you want to go it alone. But going alone is what brings you here today.
If your parents gamble I'm sure they will be aware of people like ourselves. As you said your not in any debt so what's the worst they can say? I think you will find they will be more than happy you approached them before it got to much out of hand.
As you mentioned futbol I guess you're Spanish?
I'm not sure what countries have groups like gamblers anonymous but might be worth a look in your area.
All the best for now
Deano
Hi Dean0,
Thank you for your responce. I will take a different approach, I do not have an urge to gamble unless I am drunk or tipsy. First thing I will do is not drinking. I will try few months without alcohol and see how it goes. I am convinced I am not that addicted to gambling and I can stop it. If it does not work I will install all the softwares, talk to my parents and I should be fine. I will keep you posted on my progress at least once in 2 weeks, becouse as I said I am not a everyday gambler, I am 2-3 a month times gambler, so writing every day would not make sence.
Hi stopimmid
You mention blackjack and I think of a guy in America with two million dollars of debt and a prison sentence. Its the same with poker whether you are playing online or a casino. They are not soft games and you have shown your compulsive and addicted nature towards them.
You mention gambling throughout the family in that its something that can be handled. Beware getting your self in a zone of well the bills were paid and I have a decent job so It wasnt too bad. Looks as though it got way too serious and its the most irresponsible thing to do with money and indeed highly dangerous. Its no James Bond film as you should now realise
The drinking trigger is interesting but I feel its possibly masking other issues. You reach for a drink to wind down but do you go on these sites because you are bored and are looking for missing emotions?
I will accept drink lowers the defenses because it works that way in pubs. I could try and avoid machines but a few drinks inside me would really lower the defences. I have to be honest that most times I would have walked over to them anyway.
We are saying that you handle this as you wish to. We do recommend that you do tell people close as a sort of a reality or stop check. Im glad your bills are paid but be very honest with yourself in the mirror that if you told certain people the amount they would be initially shocked and very disappointed.
I have a game collection to die for and all the man cave gadgets. However none of it was enough to prevent gambling getting a grip.
Ive had relationships but ended up thinking I was happy alone and that someone would only nag me. I realise that was getting me into a rut of isolation. Im not saying you are lonely at home but its something else to consider
Gamblers often have very complex personalities. I do. Im a mix of contradictions. Alchohol is an escape and so is gambling. Its a good stage of the recovery to get to know yourself better. Private therapy can be a great idea and that do it all the time in less repressed countries.
STRONG ACTION is needed so I implore you to put the blocks on now. You see if you dont do that now your mind is making excuses. Put the blocks on then sigh one stage of relief in this process.
Youve seen what gambling has done. I can assure you that you have been addicted...there is no shame in admitting that. The test isnt that you do it three times a month....its the level of bets and money you cant rationalise throwing away. The money thats come your way has only reinforced a gambling addiction....it never happens again when you want it to.
Try rationalising it and you wont be able to because it just sounds crazy and wreckess to a non gambler. Thats why you dont want to tell people close and I understand that
Keep in touch and please ring gamcare because you may not think you need a one to one voice but its extremely helpful. Explain it to the gamcare counsellor and they will have some great advice for you
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hi Joydivider,
Thank you very much for your post and your wise advises, I read it few times.
Regarding the drinking trigger it is very likely that I am masking other issues and I was going to gambling sites not because I am bored, I am never bored, but very likely for: "looking missing emotions."
Regarding the advice to tell people close to me, I can not do that. I was (and still I am ) a very loving child to my parents and always the example, I think my parents will be very disappointed with me if I tell them the truth. I can not tell to my friends because I was always the most successful and they always asked help from me when they are in trouble. I am their hero and probably payed 70% of the bills in pubs, restaurants, used to help them with Maths, girlfriends advises.... I am very proud person and I do not wont them to know about my gambling problem.
Regarding private therapy or ringing game-care I have the same problem like with my friends: I am very proud person and I do not want to talk about it, I do it here because is anonymous.
Regarding installing K9 software, I do not want to do it because of the following reason: My mother visit me twice a year and she is staying for 2 weeks. When she stay at my place I am putting £20.00 on my gambling-account, she is using my lap-top and she is playing those £20.00 for two weeks (online poker on 0.01p ). If I install that software she will start asking me why she can not play poker online and she will find out the truth which I desperately try to hide it.
So, how I will handle this? I will try to stay strong and stop gambling, I think I can do it. I know I am an addict, but I know that you can rehabilitate your self, other people did it and I will do it.
P.C. At the moment I am tipsy,I was celebrating New Year with few friends, I had few(6-7) drinks, when I switched on my lap-top I thought of gambling, but my urge somehow stopped (I believe because of Rach87, In the last few days I read in what kind of mess she got herself into and I got a bit scared). The plan A: stop drink to stop gamble did not work becouse I drunk few hours ago, but plan B: continue drink, but when you are drunk do not gamble is working. I will keep you posted.
Thats good. I do try and help if I can.
Its interesting because thank heavens online gambling has never been by trigger for a series of almost random reasons. I felt it gave away my anonymity and I didnt want the bank or my ISP to see any transactions linked to gambling. I also felt in my head that they would never pay out anyway from a distance. I spent a long history of dodgy arcades voiding the machine (actually switching it off...oops sorry cant pay) or a (not so) mysterious power cut wiping out winnings so Im glad my paranoia kept me away from online gambling. Im glad those thoughts nulled any triggers there. Im not complacent but I have never reached for online gambling so I do believe that triggers are different even though the addiction is the same.
I never really trusted arcades and bookies anyway but the feeling of actually being there with the machine triggered me big time. None of my triggers or anti triggers were particularly rational to explain but thats the confused mind of a gambling addict for you
Online gambling is lethal how it gets into peoples homes. My personal view is that its deregulation gone crazy. I feel that the gambling industry would be hard to ban but at the very least people should have to go and sign in somewhere with a photo id.
I love being out with friends and can possibly see how internet gambling at home would keep certain feelings going especially if alcohol has been flowing.
You must handle it how you wish to. Im just making you aware that the scenario often runs that another day and other circumstances...maybe slightly stressful day at work...buzzing night out with friends can trigger something again before you know its happening...it starts seemingly so casual...but its a mind control tactic that will have you reaching for the laptop and that first "small" bet
So please be aware of that. Its interesting that your mother gambles. I cant say that every gambler has a problem even though I dont now agree with gambling. Im making no assumptions or accusations there but Im worried that it prevents proper blocks.and some would say gives you excuses for not blocking
You see the mindset that would be best is you are having none of that in your life again. The self exclusion blocks would be real fight back against an industry that has taken your money. I had been using fruit machines for 40 years with some on and off breaks. I found that my willpower was not enough to stop me even after I joined the forum
You are an adult and its up to you how you deal with it. I think you know it has to end and I hope your willpower will be enough
Set yourself a test or a challenge though. If you act on urges again you will have to step it up.
Best wishes
Morning,
There's a lot of advice out there but only you can decide whether or not to take it.
If you're serious about stopping, there are a few basic actions which need to be taken. Get real life external support via counselling and GA, tell your family exactly what's going on and put up every block and barrier that you can. (Time money location, take one of these away at all times and it's not possible to gamble.) Overcoming addiction is all long term, it's not easy but diecting your willpower so as to do all of these things works.
Finding multiple very good reasons not to do these things in full changes nothing. And if nothing changes, nothing changes.
It's really down to your choices, hope you make the best ones that you can.
CW
To get the full picture about me I would like to tell you something else: I do not gamble when I am stressed at work or have problems (any problems: love problems, health, anything) or when I am tired or when I am very busy. I gamble only when I am happy, tipsy, have a lot of time, do not work tomorrow morning.....There has to be few conditions in order for me to gamble.
So what does the act of drinking/ placing a bet give you, why do you need it and why is it that you can't manage without?
Otherwise repeat previous post. There are certain basic things that need to be done in order to overcome a gambling addiction and doing them changes your situation. Not doing them doesn't.
CW
HI CW,
The act of drinking I can't explain because to be honest I don't enjoy while I am drinking, but enjoy my state of mind while being drunk. I think I am more creative, more confident, more charming, more clever, more brave, more handsome.....I know that is wrong, but I am not doing it very often and when I do it I usually gamble.
Now the act of placing a bet, I think I know what is going on in my head: I believe everything has a pattern, I am into probability, statistic...and I can't believe that I can't find the pattern to beat a simple game like black jack. It wasn't much about the money, it was more about the winning or loosing, I just can't believe, how can I loose it when is so simple - who gets closer to 21.
Right now: I admit, there is not pattern, the probability is on their side: at least 70%-30%, the longer you play the more chances for you to loose. I lost and thank you very much for your time online gambling sites I will not loose anymore. I am defeated and I can not beat you and I do not want to beat you.The money I lost are lost and soon will be forgotten, the only win for me will be not playing anymore.
About the "certain basic things that need to be done in order to overcome a gambling addiction and doing them changes your situation. Not doing them doesn't. " - I'am not sure about that for my case. I think I will do it without any blocks, just with will power. I am a very strong person, stubborn and knowing my self I will fanatically keep my word: I will not gamble again!
Sorry but you're telling yourself what you want to hear. Something along the lines of you're unique and your circumstances are special and what goes for the other "real" addicts isn't so for you.
Everyone's unique but addiction is pretty much standard, active addict behaviour is pretty much standard and active addict denial is pretty much standard. If you read round the forum, those in serious longer term recovery go to Twelve Steps and counselling, they break the time money location triangle, they get honest with themselves and those around them and generally they try to bring about the change in personality that Twelve Step programs talk about so as to create a person who doesn't need to use. All of this starting from rock bottom. On the other hand, there are plenty who scorn GA/AA, decline counselling, continue to mislead their families, tell themselves that they'll go it alone with will power as their tool, put up quasi blocks and nothing changes.
Overcoming addiction is quite possible but it's long term hard work. Getting your life back depends on the choices that you make.
CW
Hi CW,
Sounds like one block in place there:-)
Day 11 gamble free. To be honest I was only once tipsy on 31/12/2016 (the gambling trigger) in the last 11 days, I did not gamble. No urges to gambling yet. The real test will be Friday's or Saturday's when I go out and don't work the following morning. Very weird but so far 2 things worked for me: writing on this site and reading other people stories. I found motivating not to gamble when I tell you that I am not going to gamble and I don't even know you.
Ok stopimmid. Good I will take you up on that deal. That will do for me for now.
All Im asking you to consider is that the real test is just shutting things down with self exclusion as you take the challenge head on. You dont want them or need the tempatation in your home There is no shame in that...indeed it makes you more of a human being and a better person Then when friday and saturday night comes you wont have to worry too much...you can get on with having a social drink and talking to nice people then going home to a movie or whatever
This is when you know in your mind that every gambling spree was a disaster. Time and time again I couldnt stop and gambled to extinction. I finally realised it was time to shut it out completely. You just know its time to do the right thing
Its when you realise you dont have to defend your pride or hide secrets. At my stage I would say to my mother look I had a problem with it or its just not for me and I just dont have it in my home anymore. A feeling of openness with sweep over you and you think yes this is great without it in my life. I assure you that you will see what we are getting at and we are not a bunch of preachers with our heads in the clouds.
The blocks do real work to free you from temptation.
Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling Best wishes
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