need serious help

Hi Jay, welcome to the Forum and well done for being so honest about what has happened.

It is done - there is nothing you can do to change what has happened my friend.

The best thing you can do is work out how you are going to repay her, whatever it takes and in the shortest possible time, and tell her. Explain that you feel that you have crossed a line today, and that you have actively sought help by joining this website and admitting that you need help.

I feel that you not only crossed a line, but you have also shocked yourself as to how far this affliction can push you; this is something you need to take on board and never forget my friend - what would be the next step? Would it be stealing from an employer or your family?

I'm not saying you are a bad person, i'm not even saying you are dishonest but compulsive gamblers brings out the very worst in you and, after a while, this is all people are going to see.

Whatever happens, you have a choice from this point onwards my friend - you can either take accept this as a painful life lesson and know in your heart that you can never handle gambling, or you can let this be something that blights your entire life, leaving a path of destruction behind you. You have debt, you have no money but it won't always be that way, and you need to be ready for when you do my friend.

Be honest, try and be positive and plan a way forward my friend. If you are 18 as your username says, then you have a lot of open doors available to you - they will close one by one if you carry on and the years will drift by and the regret will build to a point where you may never be able to cope with it.

I sincerely wish you well my friend. As I said, you are not a bad person but gambling makes you do bad things - don't let this define your life and who you are; you are better than that.

JamesP

hi thx forthe comment i am 22 and been gambling since i was 18 i have alredy gone to the point of stealing off my family it has got that bad i dont kno were to turn i need sum1 to make my problems go away i have been trying to sort it myself for the past year and just made things worse and worse i reli dont kno how much longer i can go on fighting this horrible disease of gambling it has crippled me and i have no fight left in me and i will never forgive myself for the pain i have put my loved 1s threw

You're welcome Jay, no problem at all my friend,

I felt the same way as you for a while - I thought I would never be able to forgive myself.

The great thing is that you are 22; you are entitled to have a few bumps in the road of life at that age - as I said, you are not a bad person, otherwise you wouldn't care as much as you do, and you most certainly wouldn't be talking about it and seeking help.

What you have done is gone - you can't change it; the important thing now is to change as a person and prove it to them.

Only you can make your problems go away my friend, and that won't happen overnight. Try not to think about everything as a whole; deal with each problem as it arises and focus on you, and getting through the day without gambling.

Urges are only temporary, they soon pass - if you can "ride the storm", then you will feel much better for it. If you can do that for a few weeks and then months, the urges will lessen considerably. It is a simple solution to a very complicated problem.

Letting this get on top of you and relentlessly thinking about your mistakes is not going to help you my friend - you need to put all your efforts into looking forward, not back; this is what counts - righting the wrongs and showing people that you are doing everything you can in order to come through this and become a better person.

If you bury your head in the sand and wallow in self-pity, you may stay inside this vicious circle and make the same mistakes - sometimes you have to force yourself, push yourself to change and tackle things head on.

By the time I had stopped, I was in my mid-thirties, had lost £350,000, two homes, two partners, all my material possessions (over and over again); what has happened to you is awful and my heart goes out to you, but what I am trying to say is that you have a chance to stop before this gets any worse; you may feel awful now, but how would you feel if you stopped, today, and looked back on this post in a few years time? No doubt you would breathe a large sigh of relief and be thankful that you built bridges with those you love and not made anything worse.

You have the fight my friend, you have the time, and you have everything to gain - forget everything else and concentrate on you; that is what is important now - you and the day ahead, nothing else.

JamesP