Hi all,
It has taken me a while to do this, but I know I need to. Not only for myself, but for my family. I can't keep on lying about where my money is going, or keep borrowing money after I've chased a substantial (to me anyway) loss.
I believe this is the right step in getting the help I need?
I've gambled from the age of 16, when I started to drink in a local, a long time ago. Back then it was a £15 Jackpot fruit machine that I would chase and chase to try and win. Even though I could end up putting in my whole weekly wage back then of £120 in the machine, for nothing.
Jackpot values slowly increased over the years, and I did try and gamble only 20 or 30 pounds at time then and I did reasonably well over the years.
About 2014 a colleague showed me his gambling accounts and he was very clever and the money pots were huge! He was actually banned from a few.
Well, seeing those returns only refuelled my desire to win such money. So I started by opening one or two accounts and limiting my monthly amount to £50.
My partner lost her job and our finances became a real struggle. I then tried to gamble a bit more and got lucky with a £* win. Eventually my partner couldn't find full time work and we ended up in a lot of debt. I still continued to have flutters of gambling here and there online and on some fruit machines.
We split up in 2019 due to other reasons, I was still repaying the debt, but thought I'd have another dabble at online gaming. Very quickly I won another £*. As I was struggling with my mental health due to a lot of life pressures, I treat myself to a motorbike I'd always wanted.
The gambling subsided again, it is like "I've won now, I can stop for a while" feeling. I even closed some of my accounts. But then I opened them again with new email address and continued gambling again.
I've met someone else, who is amazing, and we have purchased a house together etc. L has looked after me financially (even though I do earn slightly more) as I'm still paying the debt from my previous partner along with child maintenance.
I do owe L 6k from a car upgrade she contributed towards, and another motorbike. Initially I would work overtime 2 days a month to repay the money. However, work hasn't been plain sailing and now they've suspended any overtime. So what do i do? Return to gambling to try and win the money I need to repay. Only this time, I am chasing the win, more and more. I'm now a further 3k in debt myself (3 months bills and mortgage money I'm ashamed to say) all because I'm stupid. I hate myself for what I've done.
I haven't spoken with anyone else about this. L is starting to get suspicious and has asked where the 3k is.
I can't lie anymore, it's not in my bank like I say it is. I can't borrow anymore, I'm too embarrassed to ask family again.
I need this to stop now.
Any advice you can throw at me, I promise, I will read it, digest it and act upon it. I need to sort my finances out once and for all. I just really don't know where to start.
Thanks for reading.
D.
Dear @StrugglingMan,
Thank you for sharing your story on the forum, I am sure you will receive some helpful responses and advice from other forum members that you will find useful.
You are not stupid at all and I'm sorry to hear the affect the gambling has had on your mental health. I would really encourage you to get in touch with your GP surrounding your well being, to make sure you are receiving the right support for that too.
There is also debt advice available via StepChange, you may wish to have a talk with them about your finances. Their contact number is 0800 138 1111.
Please remember you are certainly not alone with this and have come to the right place for support, we are available 24 hours a day on our helpline on 0808 8020 133 or via our live chat. Do get in contact and one of our advisors can talk everything through and look at all of the support available to you.
Wishing you all the best and do keep sharing your journey.
Kind regards,
Sophie C.
Forum Admin
Just tell your new partner the truth. As someone suffering from the pain of not being in a honest relationship from the start it will be harder for your partner if you lie. I know it will be very difficult for you but maybe you could explain and she will understand. My husband lied and denied trying to protect me but it tore us apart in the end…14 years later, I’m devastated as I can no longer trust him and I am sure he has regrets from not being upfront. I am sure you will be closer together for telling the truth than for hiding it…but at the end of the day your partner needs to make her own choice so you have to respect that too. Good luck
Hi,
Thanks for the replies.
I have spoken to my partner and told her the truth. She was very understanding and one extremely lucky person in that respect. We've agreed for her to help manage my finances.
I've also told two family members, who again, were very supportive of my admission and pleased I'm seeking help.
Since being brave enough to come out about my gambling issue, I feel a whole weight lifted off of my shoulders. I've actually started to sleep better already! 11 hours last night, I must've have needed it as I feel so refreshed today.
So, payday is imminent and we've done a budget planner and I'm looking forward to start saving some money again.
I'm already on Anti-depressant meds and do have regular check-ups with the docs. Although, I have never mentioned my gambling to them, but will at the next meeting.
Hopefully this is the start of a new me, new future. I know this won't be a walk in the park for me, or my partner or family. But collectively, I will get there. That's my goal. But more importantly, for my kids.
Thank you.
And if anyone else is reading this or any of the other posts, who is frightened of their gambling habits.....please do come out and tell loved ones. I honestly thought I'd be kicked out of the house and have some of my family disown me, but truth be told, they've been amazing. And I have a difficult family!
DF
So pleased for you. Sounds like you’ve handled it very well and are doing all of the things I could only have dreamed for my husband to have done but sadly he didn’t. Enjoy your new life style
You clearly did the right thing mate well done
wish I would of spoken up before I did
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