New here, not sure what to do or where to go!

Hi Aaron

A paradoxical message. You say you have suffered heavy losses, understand that in the long run you will lose, don't particularly like the person that gambling makes you, yet you have not discounted the fact that gambling could still be the answer to your problems. I think gambling is full of paradoxes: I used to gamble to escape my problems, without realising that gambling was actually the cause of many of them.

I began trying to overcome my own scarily powerful gambling addiction over ten years ago. It took me six years of leaving myself a way back through the door, before I finally decided that I had to beat it, before it beat me. It was a battle that for a long time I was the outsider to win, until one day, (8 months since my last bet), I could declare that 'I now have control over whether I place another bet'. In the short-term I had to do whatever was required in order to reach this point:

1) I gave up access to money; not for long, (a couple of weeks, I think), but just long enough to give myself a chance to begin to think clearly about my strategy for success.

2) Most importantly, I downloaded software onto my devises to block access to all gambling sites. This was crucial to my success and I would 100% have failed without it.

3) Against my better judgement I went every week to my local GA meeting, I mostly hated them, but considered it a statement of my intent to be a different and better person.

4) I vowed to stop living my life on auto-pilot and to be more aware of what was going on around me and what was important to me.

Four years later, I still have control over that next bet and much more. Gambling is something that I used to and has nothing more to offer me.

You write intelligently and articulately, but gambling addiction does not favour those of intellect, probably the opposite. You appear very capable of charting your own path and will have a wealth of information online to help with your research. Please bear in mind my four points above and spend some time on this site and also building up information on gambling, addiction, psychology and maybe mindfulness.

I wish you all the best and look forward to hearing of your progress.

Ken

Good Afternoon Ken,

Thank you for replying, it's a great insight into steps I could utilise to help rid myself of this addiction. I do believe there is some truth when you said gambling might be "the answer to my problems", I believe I gamble because I'm bored and if I lose I like most will chsase losses until there's nothing left and gambling gives me some kind of self fulfillment which I used to get from other activities.

Although reluctant to do so, whilst figuring out what my plan is going forward I will give my finances to someone close to me. It could be as you say the best way for me to have a clear mind and work out a plan of action.

A gambling addition for me is similar to a substance addiction, it take control and it's hard to stop, it's hard to gain that control back to become the person you want to be!

It's inspiring to hear that four years on you are in control and call the shots. Very impressive.

Aaron

Hi Aaron

You are not alone and you are in the right place.

Your story is similar to mine and I stopped gambling on 29/12 /2015. Its the best thing I have done and my life improved greatly. Yes life can still be tough but its far better gamble free.

I want to pick up on the first point that walking away once is not the real test that you have any control at all. More often than not I couldnt walk away and I was never in control when gambling.

Please talk to people close if you can. Write down your losses and be totally honest about just how gambling has affected your finances. Its not an income scheme (as you really know) and you are in danger of talking yourself into a comfort zone that you were handling it and up on the deal. Very few gamblers are up on the deal and nobody would go to work if there was an easy living from the bookies.

The addiction controlled me that I could do ok or my losses were manageable.The addiction controlled me that I could put it right the next time. When I faced it, the losses added up to a horrendous amount. In the final years it got worse and I was gambling several thousand a year away.

I was unemployed and I was actually clinically depressed. I thought I was half ok but counselling has forced me to talk about how desperately lonely and lost I felt.

Gambling was my something to do and my escape. I was actually playing just to experience any emotions above or below numb. You will learn much about a deadly addiction.

If you binge gamble with breaks it also means you are not in control. the breaks dont mean control and in the click of the fingers I was losing £1000 in one session in an arcade. It was almost a hypnotic effect when I was suddenly drawn to gamble and I couldnt walk away until an empty bank account brought me out of the trance.

Im serious in that you must stop and honesty/openness is your best defence. Please dont rely on willpower when you are ready to stop. Self exclusions and someone controlling your money are essential while your mind heals.

Please keep using the forum and get involved. It may seem daunting at first but you will learn about the mind control and brain chemistry. Gambling will destroy you and develops compulsive tendencies in many people. Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling of pride and self respect

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi Aaron

I hope that you are making good progress and I apologise for not having replied earlier. I set up a group to help problem gamblers nearly two years ago and we concentrate heavily on the addiction side of the problem and how to minimalise the difficulty of stopping an activity that is so all-consuming, both physically and psychologically. It was only when I started to treat my own problem as an addiction that I began to realise that I had a chance to conquer it. I have been to groups for other addictions, ie, SMART recovery, and there is so much common ground shared by addicts, regardless of the behaviour or substance.

One very real aspect of addiction is relapse and I am careful to keep every member of the groups feet firmly on the ground in respect of their recovery and only allow them to begin believing that they might have taken back control until after 6 months of not gambling.

It is a tough battle, but very much worth the effort when you begin to enjoy aspects of life that you barely knew existed as a gambler.

Take care Aaron. I wish you all the best.

Ken