Hello All,
I have been looking at this website for the past few weeks and have finally plucked up the courage to make my first post. Sorry if it long winded but i want to get things off my chest
I got made redundant in December and got a severance package and being out of work has led to a lot of boredom even though i tried at first to occupy my time with job applications etc and spending time with my family . In addition to getting the severance package my wife got money from here inheritance so i started the new year in good shape .
Then i started gambling in January . Like most people went through an initial winning phase and thought i could make a living from this (stupid now i know ) . The losing phase started after in February and i started the chase and in 3 months have managed to lose 50k on football, on-line blackjack etc.
Now i find myself in a situation where we have still enough to live on for the next 12 months but my wife knows nothing about my gambling addiction . I must point out that i am a recovering alcoholic ( almost 3 years sober) and i have just re-gained her trust and that of my families from where that brought me . If i tell her this it will mean divorce without question and my kid is going through the teenage years . I cannot tell my family as they also went through the alcohol hell with me and i dont want to put them through this.
I have been gamble free for 2 weeks now (thanks mainly to reading the posts on this forum and ringing gamcare) but i have gone from a person that would bet once a year on the grand national to betting on anything . I know where this leads to but i find myself worrying about my wife finding out . The reason for her not finding out is that i do all the financial stuff in the house as she does not like to do it .
Since i have been gamble free i have had dreams of blackjack tables etc and try to keep myself focused on staying bet free by imagining a worst case scenario (homeless and in debt or worse) . I really wish i could open up to her about it but then all trust will be gone and it will be divorce .
I know i may sound selfish to some on the forum in that i still have money to live on etc but this is a real weight on my shoulders. I would love to go to GA but i live abroad and they do not have GA meetings here.
Any advice or suggestions would be most appreciated.
Hi Lima, welcome to recovery đŸ™‚
Well done on your 1st 2 weeks of not gambling & a massive congratulations on almost 3 years of sobriety đŸ™‚
I'm not the best read on the subject of addiction but my immediate thought was, what did you do to get sober? It's not uncommon for people to switch addictions, especially if you just quit & didn't explore the cause of it & also in times of stress which losing your job must have been. It doesn't sound selfish to me that you are here with money in the bank, it sounds sensible! It is vital that you fight hard for your recovery now whilst you still can put food on the table!
Have you asked GamCare about online counselling? I'm sure I read somewhere that they offer it. What about health care in your Country? Can you get any counselling where you are? I don't know how effective it would be without someone to work through it with you but you can download the GA literature from the website which may give you a bit of guidance?
My head is screaming out to tell your wife, just because you handle the finances doesn't mean she will never find out & better you go to her than it all unravel when you least expect it?
In any case, you are not alone anymore, you have us now. It can be a long hard road but you have done the hard bit & reached out. You are stronger than you may think & if you can quit drink, you can quit gambling - ODAAT
Perhaps you should considerer confiding in your wife and let her handle the finances as it seems you have access to a large amount of money atm. It will be hard, i have just transeffred the rest of my savings to my father as ive been doing the same thing, he knows ive had a gambling problem but doesnt know ive relapsed yet,, (£1.5k lost in the last 4 days) back to day 1 today, feeling awful withdrawal symptoms but putting blocks in place before i completely ruin myself.
Firstly thanks for the replies and i know that telling my wife would be the right thing to do but she is such a worrier and at the moment she is happy that we can live with me not having a job for the next period of time and still surviving.
What i have done in the past 2 weeks is block myself from the websites and installed the K9 software so i am not tempted.
I also know that from my alcohol recovery (so far) that this is the better road and if i gamble again there is only going to be one conclusion. I keep myelf occupied with the worst case scenario and that gives me focus each day not to gamble . To be honest i cant believe how stupid i have been but i know that i need to let that go or otherwise it will lead me down a very bad road.
When i was in rehab i was also with some guys entering recovery from Gambling Addiction and some of the stories horrified me . I know i have lost a significant amount of money but i cant change that and chasing will only lead me to a worse place .
I have looked at options open to me here but there is very little in the way of recovery programs . I will give the online counselling a go and see how it works plus also stick close to these boards each day.
Thanks for listening and the advice
Hi
Understand your reasons for not telling your wife, but are they sound? Or bluntly, can you really 'get away with it'.
Surely your wife will notice a £50K hole even if she's not up to speed with the accounts. And you're not working.
Better to disclose on your own terms, damage limitation?
Louis
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