Hi, i am a 38 year old female with a partner and 2 kids and work part time. My story.. I started gambling just over 2 years ago, i joined online just doing small bets on football as a bit of fun, they gave me a free bonus bet on a slot game and won ВЈ100 and thats when it began, i started compulsive gambling on this particular slot game on and off for 3 months, relapsing each time and lost about 2.5k in all, i told my partner each time, and the last time i said i wouldn't do it again and didn't for 18 months. Then about 2 months ago i started for fun little bets on the horses, and 6 weeks ago i had a relapse and gambled on the same slot game and won 1k, which i withdrew. Then just over a week ago i gambled on the horses, only £55 but lost and that sparked me to return to this slot to try and make my money back, playing i made my money back that i put in and was up by 2k but then lost it all being greedy and deposited more money to try and make it up, i was winning and was able to make the money i had already deposited and more, lost the extra but least i was even, it was 4 in the morning now so went to bed. In the morning my head wasn't in the right place, silly me reversed the 1.6k and lost it, was so zoned out by now, kept depositing more and more from my bank account and credit cards, putting on ridiculous bets to try and win it back, now i had lost 4k, was about to deposit more on another credit card when thankfully i pulled myself away and completely broke down, luckily my partner was at home downstairs, obviously unaware of what i was doing. He was very supportive but i feel extremely guilty and silly for letting myself go through this again, the pain of it all. I keep crying, mentally how can you deal with it! and all the money gone to show for nothing, i know i need to forget about whats happened and look to the future but i'm so worried i will relapse again and how can you move on??
Afternoon Lindsay,
Well done for posting, first place to start, you need to forget the money it is gone nothing you can do about the past, you need to think CG can not win because we can not stop.
One thing that worked for me was talking to a counseller about why I gambled it might work it might not differenet things work for different people.
If you are gambling on your phone change your phone get a new one with no internet access self exclude from all betting sites, order new bank cards and credit cards and give them to your partner have no access to money. You have done this before for 18 months you never gambled why go back now and cause pain and heart ache to you and your family members.
Anyway I am sure there are people on here better placed then me to give advice.
Baby steps to start with day by day.
Stay Strong Stay G/f
Malc
Hi Lindsay,
Sorry to read your opening post. As you'll probably know by now you're not alone with the same type of problem. If I can echo the opening sentence of Malkie's post. Simple words but god are they so true.
If you could bottle the emotions you are going through now it would probably the best deterrent you could have. Sadly that isn't possible, however there's nothing stopping you remembering the pain and the darkness of how you feel now, a place you don't wish to return, a place where you put yourself throught your own actions. Now you start your recovery, I've said it already today, in addiction we made terrible decisions, but in recoery we need to be in control and start making the right decisions. In my GA meetings I often tell the tale of my "last bet" and how I was in town with my young daughter wanting £1 to treat herself in PoundLand, as I had a BIG and later to be a LOSING bet wagered, I said "no" as I needed this bet to win. She was upset, I was stressed, then angry. Something I will never forget, hate myself for it, 15 months on still feels raw and makes my voice wobble when I tell it.
So I can't gamble again because I hate losing, if I win I can't stop, but it also brought the darkest times in my life. I never want to go back.
All the best.
HELLO! Newbie froim denmark
Hi 38lindsay,
Welcome to the Forum, and thanks for sharing your story with us.
It seems like you’ve been struggling more with your gambling problem lately, and much as you’re aware of the consequences and not wanting to gamble, you find it difficult to stop yourself.
This is where Gamcare comes in to provide you with help and support, and also the encouragement that you need to overcome your gambling problem.
I noticed that 2 of your fellow forum members have responded in support of your post. I hope you’re able to learn something from their experiences and suggestions too.
It’s advisable to let go of all your losses, and focus on your recovery, and to look forward to a gamble free future. Chasing your losses will only make you lose more money, and most likely to be worse off in terms of debt.
I will encourage you to take a step in the right direction by handing over all your finances (including bank cards) to your partner, who so far has been very supportive of you. This will not be forever but, it’ll be until such time that you feel well recovered to manage your finances again, ok?
Maybe, you’d like to install one of the following blocking software on your computer/ smart phone, to stop you from accessing gambling sites:- Gamblock, Betfilter, Net Nanny, and Gamban. Please make sure you read about all of them first before you choose one to install.
Perhaps you’ll also consider contacting our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our advisers in case you need further help and support.
Meanwhile, try and stay in touch with us so we can know how you’re getting on with your recovery, and in case you need more help.
My best wishes to you, and please keep posting!
Kind regards,
Beatrice
Thank you for all your comments, it really did help make me feel better about myself and that i'm not alone in this and what a horrible addiction it is that takes over your life. I haven't been on the slots since and i have no urge to do so at the moment, though i have had a few little bets on the football, only deposited £15, lost, but its still that feeling afterwards of frustration of "what if i did win, i was so close", i know i need to completely close myself away from these sites as no matter big or small loses it is, its no good for me mentally and if i want to fully recover and move on from gambling i can't bet at all not even small bets.
Hi guys this is my 1st timeon gam care - long story, started playing bingo online 6-8 years ago, while waiting on the bingo tried a slot, won money and enjoyed playing, went back time and time again, but would stop when I had spent what my gut told me was enough. Then i was involved in an incident 6 years ago where i was lets say victimised, so i found it easier to stay in then it wouldnt happen. From then on I gambled quite a lot but could still take it or leave it. .Then I got a couple of big wins and the story then changes. Ive known for the last couple years I may have an issue but told myself I could control it. I know now i cant, when I look back now I,m shocked at 7 years + that I have gambled. I just suddenly saw myself and although I will self exclude, and I say nope not doing that then randomly its like someone takes over and I will just have a wee look to see if there are new sites. Well Ive decided no more and supposing I have got to sit in this forum 24/7 I,m not doing it anymore. I,m in Alanon for people who have been affected by anothers drinking, and I have been trying to work a 12 step program for that. I am now thinking I may have to attend another fellowship. I have just spent my rent money thats the first step back after getting it all sorted out. I think I can recover back to on my feet by 2 months. You see I am a secredt gambler, I have other people in my family with addictions and I thought I was different to them because I dont drink. I feel ashamed now and I want to get off the merry go around. Sorry for rambling, this is the first time I have spoken of it
Hello Senga1964
Thanks for sharing your story. It's brave of you to admit you too have an addiction. Sounds like joining a GA fellowship would be a good option. We also offer free counselling. Why not give our helpline a call on 0808 8020 133 or chat to us on the Netline - the link is at the top of this page.
Also, you will probably get more replies if you start a thread of your own. Go to the new member intros section, scroll to the bottom, and click 'New topic'.
Keep posting
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