Hi there,
If you're reading this, then the likelihood is that you're pretty new to the forum and are feeling like you can't get out of the place you're in right now........gambling is ruining your life and you need to do something about it?
I'm really sorry on one hand that you are here........you don't look for a site like this unless you know that things are at a point of crisis, or almost.
On the other hand I'm delighted that you're here - you have started your recovery journey and I don't believe for people who really, really, really, want to regain control of life, arrest problem gambling and ultimately liberate themselves from the grip that gambling has got on you that you could be in a better place.
I better introduce myself. I'm Mr Brightside. I am 41 years old and for most of my adult life I have compromised everything I love and everything I own as a result of gambling. Don't get me wrong, it's more complex than just gambling, but a common denominator through the good times and the bad, gambling has been a constant. In December last year I reached my break point and since then I've not staked a penny. Now 7 months gamble free doesn't make me an expert on stopping, far from it.......I learn every single day and I still take recovery one day at a time, never complacent that it's not lurking just around a corner.
However, the reason for posting here is that I have had the absolute privilege of running a 2014 Challenge on the "Overcoming Problem Gambling" section of this site. What started out as a few people coming together at the start of the year to support each other in recovery, has now turned into a pretty large group - currently 43 of us - who are marching towards freedom together. There are nearly 20 of us who have gone 100 days gamble free and it seems to be making a huge difference to people, especially in not feeling "alone" with the problem.
The reason for coming onto this section isn't to canvas for new members, or urge you to come and join us (but if you're serious about starting to stop then you're more than welcome!).......but rather it's to begin sharing some of the outputs from surveys we have conducted over the last few months that has brought together collective learnings on the "best" things to be doing that create the best foundations to stop. So over the course of the next few days and weeks, I'll begin to use this thread as a way of trying to support the new members and give hints and tips on giving yourself the best chance. Hopefully there'll be a few nuggets in there that you can choose to deploy and even if it helps one more person gain freedom for gambling then it'll be worth it.
I really hope you find your feet on this site and that this thread helps. All the very best on starting to win in a brand new way.
Take care and God bless,
Mr Brightside
Hi - me again - you'll be sick of me before long!
So following my first post, I've had a trawl back through the 2014 Challenge thread and begun to pick out key learnings and posts that have had the biggest impact on people. For those of you beginning your journey, what I've copied in below is probably going to be the most helpful.......
On the 15th June we posed the following questions.......
A couple of asks for everyone……….
The first ask is purely optional - as all of this challenge is!! As the year is progressing and we see people coming and going, I’m getting more and more intrigued with our team demographics. The anonymity the site gives us is superb, but if you would be willing, when you check in this week can I ask that you also tell the group your age, your s*x and the country in which you live? None of those details will compromise your anonymity……………but I will collate them as best I can and do some analysis that will inform the group as to the most successful types of individuals on the recovery journey, the watch out groups and if there are any themes, to call them out for everyone.
The second ask again, when checking in, is for everyone to answer the following question……
“What is the most significant thing or things you have done that have supported you in your recovery journey to stop gambling?”
The reason for asking this is to allow me to begin to build up the “Top 10” of stopping for new members to the site and especially for the challenge group. I think this is a really important learning for all of us and I would encourage everyone to make the extra effort this week in answering this question.
The following week, when a number of the team members had answered the questions, the following analysis was posted.........
It’s been a really interesting week seeing all the information on our demographics coming in. There were 27 soldiers who provided the requested information and this forms our sample size and represents around 60% of the total group.
Two thirds of our group are from England, with the rest being made up of Scotland (27%) and the island of Ireland (12%). Just over 80% of the group are male - this surprised me and I think the majority here has grown from a few months ago when I had it in my head that it was closer to two thirds and a third or 60/40. The average age of a member is 38 years old, although our female membership is more “mature” than our male (I’m not going to say any more in fear of a backlash!!).
What creates the conditions for us to succeed in our recovery?
Many many thanks to everyone who responded to this - the overall feedback may not be ground breaking by way of research findings, however, it really does give tangible things for people to act on and consider to maximise their recovery potential……..most of which will be familiar to us all.
The top 5 for stopping are this……….
1. Telling Someone Close - 2 in every 5 respondents said that the breakthrough for them was the moment they told a partner, a parent, a sibling or a close friend. No secrets is important.
2. Handing Over Financial Control - 31% of answers cited that not having access to cash and financial control were significant. This often comes hand in hand with telling the person close to you why…….but they are surprisingly not intrinsically linked all the time!
3. Install Blocking Software - 20% of everyone answering said that blocking software such as K9 and betfilter had made the biggest difference.
4. The Gamcare Site and the 2014 Challenge - 20% of respondents said that the commitment to a group and being part of the team here has prevented them slipping, as well as regularly visiting and contributing to the site.
5. Downright Determination - the real desire to stop was mentioned by 15% of individuals - various reasons from family to financial.
While these are the Top 5 responses, it’s the combinations of these that are the most significant - the more of the above that someone has done, statistically, the longer they have been in recovery! As far as I am aware, there hasn’t been anyone on this thread who has lapsed from the moment they told their partner about everything (warts and all) and relinquished all responsibility for bank cards and access to cash.
________________________________________
So that's the first of the series I'll post. I know it's a lot of reading, but hopefully it helps someone.
Take care,
Mr Brightside
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