New to this

Hi Leigh2014, welcome to the Forum,

It is very difficult my friend, but you have made a very positive step by coming here and sharing this opening post, well done.

If you could give us some more information as to what you have been through and what has led you to this point, then people will be able to offer you constructive support and advice; the more people know, the easier it will be for them to point you towards a more positive path.

Well done again, hope to hear more from you.

JamesP

I just feel so much more normal and better when I gamble it's like nothing else matters. But doesn't last long as once starting loosing. Feel 10x worse. I worked in a casino for 7 months it was torture I just kept gambling after work. I now gamble everyday whether its roulette, scratch cards or slots. I recently banned my self from a local casino after i lost a couple hundred the other day. I don't know when to stop gambling ill set a limit but still continue to go over my limit and end up loosing a lot more.

Thank your replying James,

Hope you are well

Leigh

You're welcome Leigh2014, no trouble at all,

I can tell you why you feel normal and better when you gamble my friend.

It is a feeling based on false hope - what you experience is based on a lie, that you can win, stop, walk away and spend your money like most others can.

But that will never be the case with you, me and everyone else here my friend. If we win, then all it does is make us crave more of the same, which invariably leads to losing. If you lose, then you feel worse as you say; you feel soul-wrenching heartache and desperation to regain what you have lost, which invariably leads to losing and then spending money you don't have.

You are better than this my friend. You don't need to waste your precious money and precious time on a feeling that doesn't really exist. You often feel hollow afterwards, win or lose, because you don't experience genuine happiness or fulfilment; you don't learn anything or gain respect, it is just an endless, pointless, fake, vicious circle.

I gambled for twenty years before stopping over five years ago. I needed things to make me feel normal and better too, so now I do charity work, go hiking, write, sing and so much more - these give me what gambling never could, true happiness and fulfilment as I said above.

There are things out there for you too my friend; don't resign yourself to your fate - push yourself, force yourself into changing your life. You are not a bad person; all of us are guilty of getting stuck in a rut at one time or another.

Be strong, be positive - don't bury your head in the sand my friend; be proactive - urges are only temporary, they soon pass; you can get there in time and live the life you truly want & deserve.

JamesP

Thank you for getting back to me again james

It's good to hear from someone that's been in same shoes as me. It is indeed a viscous circle. I just wanna get out of it tbh.

Well done for the 5years free my friend,

I work basically every night if not 6 nights a week and I feel so much better when I gamble I feel relief but don't feel in control and I hate that fact.

My fiance has said to me this morning if I continue to gamble that'll be the end of our relationship cos she can't date or trust a gambler. If I get help and stop or under control she said she'll stay.

Thanks again james

Leigh

No problem at all Leigh, and thank you for your kind words, sincerely appreciated.

Gambling is a way of relieving stress and pressure, no question, but it is a very temporary thrill; is that thrill really worth the way you feel right now my friend?

This affliction took me to the very depths of what I could cope with, mentally and physically; I gradually worked my way into a living death, a haunted, tormended existence where winning and losing didn't really matter. Compuslive gambling gives you a distraction, a way to put life on hold, but what you experience isn't real as I said before.

The way your fiance feels is understandable, but quite damning; no judgment on her as I think we would feel the same in her shoes - I rememeber seeing this documentary, when I was a child, where this man lost his home and his wife/child because of gambling; I remember thinking how incredibly selfish he was, but now I know different.

Maybe there is a way where you can gradually offer a window into how you think and feel, maybe she could accompany you to a GA meeting? Tell her you want to stop, you know that there is no other way forward apart from zero tolerance, no question, but it isn't straightforward; explain that you are not making excuses, but there is more than meets the eye.

I wish you well Leigh; you are work hard, you need an outlet as anyone does, but there are better ways my friend - there are options that will give you lasting, genuine happiness and fulfilment, not a temporary solution that only creates a thousand more problems in the long run.

JamesP

Anytime. Same goes to you james.

The thrill feels amazing when your winning/gambling but once you loose. Feels like rock bottom.

How did you manage to stop james?

What's the GA meetings like?

All I seem to think about is gambling or my losses.

Sorry about all the questions.

Appreciate all the advice James.

Leigh

No problem, happy to help if I can,

For me, the main thing was remembering everything I went through when I lost, keeping all the bad memories close to my heart and mind. If you can "ride the storm" and find a method/routine of working your way through your urges, you get stronger over time, and they lessen considerably.

I remember once, towards the end, when I had my biggest ever win, around 7000; I was ecstatic; I booked a nice hotel, had a nice meal and then counted out all the notes on my bed. I then started to feel quite depressed because I knew I would lose this money in the very near future, and I knew I would never be able to spend it on anything else. Sure enough, I lost the lot within an hour the following morning.

At the moment, as you say, all of these thoughts will be running around inside your head relentlessly - it won't always be that way; give it time, a few weeks or months, and your mind will almost automatically move onto other things. Urges are only ever temporary, they soon pass.

GA meetings are very liberating - to be surrounded by others who know, appreciate and understand what you are going through can be like gold dust in a world that doesn't understand. You will hear other people and their stories, as well as their progress; you don't have to speak, you don't have to contribute but I think it may help you, and I think it would be good for your fiance.

JamesP

Not sure if this is right place. But I'm always gambling my wages away on them fobts I've ot 2 kids a mrs y can't I stop feel so down I'm an addict keep thinking bowt clearing off n topping myself but thinking of my kids stops me. Am being untruthfullto my partner as well telling her I've not been paid n so on need to get sorted before I lose everything