What are my options for help?

Hi DK81 - I read your post last night but held back from commenting as I thought there are so many people on here more eloquent than me. Doubtless you will hear from the likes of James P and others who have similar experiences to yours and who can give you really good advice. Anyway here goes from me: First of all, congratulations on realising you have a serious problem and for coming to this site for help. If you read the stories here you will see people's despair but also how they have been able to rid themselves of this terrible addiction and affliction and have turned their lives around. Step No. 1 to achieve this: self-exclude from all your gambling sites and anywhere else you use, install a blocking program such as K9 (free) which makes it virtually impossible to access gambling sites. These barriers will go a long way in keeping you 'clean'.

You have hinted at the reasons you gamble - like most of us have found, gambling is an escape from unsatisfactory things in our lives: stress, loneliness, boredom, unhappy relationships. But the downside of all this is that something which seems fun and relaxing at first soon becomes an obsession, and the euphoria of winning needs to be fed more and more, hence the cycle of winning and then losing it all again. As you must have found out, logical thought flies out of the window when you are caught up in this cycle - you keep going in a zombie-like state until it's all gone. That's no way to live.

So, try to think of some other things you could be doing to relieve your stress. You mentioned the sad circumstances of your father's death - perhaps you need to address that by getting some counselling.

Finally, don't beat yourself up to the point of making yourself feel even worse - feel proud that you have made the decision to stop. So many of us share your feelings and experiences, so you are not alone.

Try to come on to the site regularly and get the advice, support and inspiration which is here.

Best wishes for your journey.

Joanna

Hi DK81,

Welcome to this forum and well-done for admitting to your problem. Joanna has given you some very sound advice on blocking soft ware and in addition to that you have already self-excluded from a local casino which takes a great deal of courage.

All I have to add is to fight this addiction takes a great deal of work and desire. Like any addiction urges are most difficult to deal with when stress levels are high. That been said,it does not mean that it cannot be done, however knowing your triggers can help you to fight the urges and replace your behaviour patterns.

What really helped me in the initial stages was to keep a diary and every time I felt an urge, I wrote down the other things going on around me. The common denominator for me was stress and conflict. Being aware of my triggers helped me to find alternative ways to dealing with the triggers. I do not keep a diary anymore but when the urges are there I always stop and think about what is going on.

I appreciate everyone is different and different things work for different people, which is why this site is so useful as there is an abundance of experience and advice to assist you in your fight to freedom. Keep strong !

Amanda

Hi Amanda and Joanna,

Many thanks for getting back to me. The thing is, at first I don't gamble for relief of anything, except maybe when I'm bored, but not in any kind of extreme way. It's often the act of gambling itself that annoys me, stresses me out etc. I am a rational person and good with money in everything but gambling. Unfortunately of course when you're dealing with hundreds of pounds, any smart rational saving goes out the window.. and yes, there's definitely the zombie like feeling whilst gambling.. I do resent how easy it is to gamble nowadays. And how easy it is to gamble vast amounts of money.

Do you or anyone else reading get the awful guilt after gambling? Almost a conflict with yourself?

Thanks,

Dan

Hi there again Dan,

To answer your question yes I have in the past felt extremely guilty after gambling. Guilty for loosing money, guilty for the hours I have been unproductive, guilty for the lies and excuses to try and hide my addiction from the people I love.

After months of counselling one of the most valuable things I discovered was my low self esteem was feeding this addiction as feeling guilty and loosing everything confirmed what a bad person I was, or believed I was.

Like I said in my previous post there are no generic answers to the solutions in kicking this addiction and there are certainly no quick fixes. However I can almost certainly say that the guilt gets worse the more you gamble, the more you lie, the more you withdraw from reality.

I hope this helps.

Take care,

Amanda

Thanks Amanda,

Are you free of it now? I guess it's important not to tackle all your problem s at once when starting on the road to recovery. Theres the danger of getting overwhelmed.. Aside from the physical act of setting blocks and self exclusion, what do you think is the first step I should take?

Hi Dan,

Yes I have not gambled for a few months now, I did have one small relapse, but I try not to dwell on it.

I can really only say what has worked for me as and maybe you can take something out it for yourself.

When I admitted to myself that I had a problem I went on the net line and spoke to one of the advisors. It is completely confidential and anonymous. They gave me the option of 1-1 counselling and I was a bit sceptical and reluctant at first, but I was also running out of options so I accepted the offer.

I made a commitment to my counsellor to be completely honest if I gambled between sessions. To be honest in the initial stages I did gamble occasionally. After a few sessions I used my weekly appointments as a goal not to gamble, so I would say to myself I am not going to gamble until my next session and even when tempted all I had to do was abstain for a week at a time. It goes without saying a week became two etc.. As you have pointed out it is a bit daunting to tackle everything at once and as stress is what can drive a person back to the depths of gambling, it was important for me not to be rushed in recovery.

I did the tasks suggested by my counsellor and listened to the advise given.

Since my therapy has ended I have made a decision to go to GA. I am not good in groups and was extremely terrified of going and put it off for a few weeks. However the people there made me feel very welcome and have some very useful advice which has helped me. I am currently using these meetings as my weekly abstinence goal.

Some people skipped counselling and gone straight to GA and have remained gamble free for many years so this might also be an option for you.

Dan it is worth me saying that a just because I have managed to not gamble for a few months does not mean the monkey is off my back everyday I still have moments where I could just slip back into it, obviously I do not want too and having support along the way is a tremendous help.

This site has also been an extremely valuable tool in my recovery process and continues to be.

Use every tool available to you because you can fight this addiction and live a better life, I tried to do it on my own and I was not strong enough I am grateful for all the help and I could not have done it without the people concerned.

Take care,

Amanda

alrite dan

can't really say i have much advice for you as i feel in the exact same boat as you,reading your post i could relate too in sooo many many ways,i know exactly how you feel,around 3 weeks ago i got my balance up just over 20k and i lost it all in a few days and like you was not the first time,ive won 13,8 and 5 k before and lost it all,i dont play machines or roulette but gamble on sports,i have also been through the vicious cycle of money borrowing with payday loans and the debt side of things and i found when i was in debt they were the darkest days,thankfully i have payed back all my debts and am lucky that is literally impossible for me now to get money from any company,best thing whatever happened to me in my eyes but i still have a problem...for the last 3 or 4 months,i have been gambling and i stayed very disiplined,if i won i withdrew it and put it in a savings account,just this time when i went over 20k,to be honest mate i didn't have a clue what was going on,it was like it weren't even me,i was stone cold sober through this gambling binge but i wasn't in control and i didnt realise anythin until it was too late,i find the addiction at its worst is when you win big,then you lose alot,start to hit the panic button and bye bye to everythin and like you i have felt really guilty sometimes,every day since this loss,one minute im confident im going to stop the next something in my head is convincing me not to,one min i feeel great the next i feel terrible,ive self excluded myself from the 2 main sites i use,i have sorted out an appointment at a gambling clinic in london which is in like 4weeks,but one thing which has really help me the last 6 months,is i have someone look after my finances,if you trust someone to do that then do it mate,the money i do get access to yeah ill be honest i gamble it but at least im not blowing my whole wage anymore,best of luck mate! i know its not easy

Cheers everyone for getting back to me. To be honest it concerns me looking at the posts on the forum and reading my replies that you're screwed once you're hooked on gambling. And being hooked includes me. where's the light at the end of the tunnel? What's the way out? Who's got out the other side?

Hi DK

Welcome to the site

My experience is if you win big and can withdraw it and walk away great you have won

The problem starts when you big and put it all back on because you are then hooked you are chasing that big win and the more you chSe the more you want to get back and eventually the stakes are too high you will never get that last amount back

You can win now by not playing forget your losses that was yesterday

You can't win because you can't stop

And that my friend is what hAppens

Best wishes Suzannexx

Thanks Suzanne ..

A question for everyone... Is a gambling addiction as bad as alcoholism? Can you be off for months then slip back in ? If so, how do I and others deal with it?

Hi

All addictions lead the same way we have to abstain we will never be cured willpower determination and strength once addicted to anything the only way out is abstaining

Otherwise all addictions lead to self destruction

We can slip back into anything we are addicted to

I hope this helps

Regards Suzannexx

Hi DK81 - Is gambling as bad as alcoholism?

Well as Suzanne has said, they are both addictions and yes, it's just as easy to slip back into gambling as it is to take that drink.

They both can lead to despair, loss of job, financial security, family and friends, and even death. I would also say that in some ways a gambling addiction is more insidious in that often it is hidden. Compulsive gamblers are often experts in deception, including self-deception, lies and subterfuge. An alcoholic is far more likely to be found out, simply by physical appearance, smell and/or behaviour. I also believe that alcoholism can be categorised as a disease more than compulsive gambling.

Physical changes occur through excessive drinking and just like drug dependency the body craves alcohol in order to feel 'better.

Although there is a parallel here with gambling, there is more free choice involved in giving it up with a greater degree of rational thought available - although it doesn't always seem like that!

Hope you are still staying strong.

Best wishes,

Joanna