Hi, just wanted to say a few things as I’ve been struggling..
2 years ago I had a massive issue with gambling. Would spend hundreds every week.
I lied and hid things from my wife.
When I came clean it was the worst day of my life.. or so I thought.
My wife went mental and couldn’t understand the problem I had.
more importantly couldn’t get over the lies and deceit.
we got through it with the help of options but I’m afraid to say after 1.5 years being bet free I went back in!!
I didn’t spend a fortune but hiding it and not telling my family ate me up inside.
I was on the brink and thought I had it under control..
ita not the money it’s the lies and hurt you cause to loved ones that’s the hard part..
my wife chucked me out and swore it was over.
we are working at it and for the last few weeks I haven’t even given gambling a thought!
It’s hard carrying this huge amount of guilt around but I’m hoping one say in the future it will be “normal” and I can get on with my life.
tale care people and there is always a way out.
stay strong and always tell the truth.
dc
Sorry to hear your situation.
I went through a similar thing in that I’ve had to come clean on two separate occasions the second time a lot worse financially.
I am now a couple of years on from that and things are going very well but the debt isn’t going to be here for some time still
Stick at it. Stay strong and just be the best husband you can be and I hope everything will fall into place for you.
sign up to GameStop and get things in place so you keep on the straight and narrow and also keep posting on here!
best of luck to you
Hi compo, have you tried counselling and / or GA meetings to help you deal with this. The thing is guilt will continue to weigh you down and the anxiety and depression that comes along with this keeps you trapped in the need for escapism in gambling. These things kept me trapped in a vicious circle until the moment my husband found out....I had nowhere to hide backed into a corner I chose to find a way. It was very important to me to get help with this I had 8weeks counselling arranged by Gamcare it was really good initially when I was really struggling with everything I went straight from that to GA meetings and it's through that that I've really made progress. I understand that these things are not for everyone but I think it's important to try and help others by telling them what's helped me. Try things to see what helps you works for you and pass it on to others. It's not easy I know I'm 6+months gamble free after a 21year history with gambling the last 2years being the most destructive and if you need to lie/ deceive them it's a problem and as you said it's so much more than money that hurts our loved ones. Read people's stories on here and see the hard facts of what happens to people's lives . In my recovery I haven't missed a day of reading on here keeping myself with a healthy reminder of why I will do everything in my power to stay gamble free. Hope you find your way you stopped for a long time which was awesome you can do that again arrest the addiction and do everything possible to keep it that way
Hi Compo16 and Welcome.
Yes in recovery building pride is in understanding your wifes feelings and protecting her. Its the humility to take that on the chin and show her what you are doing to change
Its an addiction..a drug addiction. You can never be complacent again but you can make this history when you go through a cold turkey process to strengthen and heal your mind.
Am I right in thinking she perhaps wasnt controlling your finances because if you want this relationship again she will have to do that. Forget the trust...that is a tiny price to pay compared with an addiction that kills people...What good was money in your pocket...its best away from you while you live on a sandwich and petrol allowance.
If that feels awkward to you or you would moan about that then perhaps you need to learn more about the sheer power of the urge or hook.
Gamblers dont do it with an evil laugh to hurt their loved ones. She may come to understand that and give you another chance.
Gambling is not for you...leave it alone and do more reality exercises....Gamblers anonymous and also try explaining a gambling session to non gamblers you trust like your partner for example.
You know in your heart it makes no sense so you can understand how they feel. Its ultimately a mental illness and split mind control disorder.
More than that its a mugs game and mainly a tax on the poor. You have never been offered easy money for a no brainer decision. Its not even a fair challenge...do you understand that?
Nobody in the gambling dens is matching the risk as you have been risking money that would make your wife rightly angry against a large mitigated risk fund thats doesnt bother them....they arent risking housekeeping money!
They have been playing us all for mugs and its a highly addictive activity because the brain is complex and it wants its fix at all costs...in the end you think you are playing for money kicks but the brain is playing for natural morphine....the mind wins...you lose.
Abstain ...set up proper blocks...I would be coming around with you making sure you are blocked everywhere online and off
You have to think in terms of a lifetime without complacency but when strong and serene you realise that is a positive statement you can live your life by
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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