No-where to go!

Hi buddy and welcome ,You being back in the same position as you were 9 months ago tells you that nothing changes if nothing changes and for many years I did exactly the same , year after year and can tell you that it will just keep getting worse unless you stop completely and that means changing the way you think and act .

You don't enjoy it because it's not a bit of fun anymore and the money means absolutely nothing to us , it's just gambling tokens that keep us betting a little bit longer and we only truly miss it when its all gone .

You say you can't stop and I to knew that feeling well , I'd cut down or or stay out the bookies for a couple of days even sometimes a week ( go me ! ) but I'd always go back and that would usually mean bigger stakes for a while because I had a few quid in my pocket again . Truth is mate you can stop , you just have to want to , I never wanted to for many years but 12 months ago after getting to a really dark place I decide that's it no more ! and accepted that gambling had won , it had beaten me until I couldn't fight another round , I accepted that the money was gone for good and that I was willing for the first time to let it go and no longer chase it and its those couple of things that have allowed me to stay gamble free for a whole year .

I don't know your full situation and as always its your decision but I would think long and hard about not gtelling your wife , gambling thrives on secrecy and you living a lie is its way of dragging you back in , you need to think about putting as many things as you can in place gto make it difficult gto gamble , we call it the Time /Money/ location triangle if you remove one you can't bet . Self exclusions / blocking software / and limiting your access to funds are all ways you can do this , as is handing over full financial control to your partner .

12 months ago I couldnt see any light but now its shining bright again :))

I've wanted the job I had since I was a child and spent years gaining the qualifications to achieve what I have. Gambling is putting my career in jeapordy, but I know my wife would want me to seek profesional help. In the small town I live in, it would soon become clear the position I hold. This is something I will have to sort out on my own, I just can't and its killing me slowly.

Why me?!

I get that you're in a bad place but you're not helping yourself. You're making this sound as if you're a leaf blowing about in the wind, without any choice or control. Not so. If you're not able to control what you do, then who is? If you're not responsible for what you do, then who is?

There's a lot you can do to limit your access to gambling, to get support, to help yourself. Are you going to do any of it? It's what you do to change things for you that will...change things for you.

You might start by phoning the helpline.

CW

Trouble is you say why me but all of us have said why me , why was I the one ? Gambling has no demographic and really doesn't care who it chews up and spits out . If you think it's going to be awkward in your town then what about counciling online through gamcare ? Or Serling a GA meeting further afield ? We can all find an excuse not to do something but that's just addiction justifying your right to continue down the same path . Nothing changes of nothing changes !

People gamble! But why did I have to become so addicted. I lost today, I knew I wouldn't win. I didn't have a chance of winning. Silly bets, being a fool.

I'll wait for the boxing to finish. Hopefully that will come in my favour. I can cash out and install the gambling software.

Then I think i'll refinance my loan at the start of next week, close my bank accounts and credit cards and place my wage into the joint account. I can't gamble my wifes money, I never have - this way she will be able to keep a sturn eye on me.

Thats my new plan. Possibly confide in someone at work - I don't know who or how but that may help. Overall I need to start feeling better about things. Things need to start improving, its not fair on those around me.

Hello bcfc, welcome to the forum. Sounds like you feel really trapped and helpless. Why not give the helpline a call on 0808 8020 133. We can talk over the options which might be available to you to help you stop, confidentially and with no obligation. There are ways of getting support without the whole town having to know.

Take care,

Forum Admin

Why me indeed?

I was a controlled gambler for 25 years and a compulsive gambler for 5. The FOBT was my poison. Before work, lunchtime, after work, weekends. Even with a small amount of cash i could have some fun.

Why not?

Then the money began to dry up. More lies, more deceit, scrambling to answer the phone or intercept the post in case someone else needed paying.

The net closed in as I stood at the rail tracks contemplating what do do next. I bottled it and went home and confessed all. In essence a broken man.

Moving on debts are being paid and life is returning to normality. My barriers are high. Very seldom carry any money.

Why me? - no one can answer that.

Can you do it alone?. Possibly but i and many others couldnt.

Telling your partner is your decision. No one can make you do it. For me it was the best decision i made. No more lies, deceit or dishonesty.

I wish you well

Nowhere to go? Well, here's a good start. We're all at different stages in our recovery and you will see yourself mirrored in many of the diaries on here. Gamcare support, GA, your GP are also great resources.

You've got a wee baby on the way and it's the most wonderful time of your life; please don't miss the chance to enjoy every minute of it by refinancing behind your wife's back or, worse still, deluding yourself that you can win it back (been there, done it, couldn't afford the t-shirt!). Tell her. Get debt advice from StepChange. Put blocks in place. Set yourself free from the cycle. You can get over this.

Very best wishes to you and your wee family. I really hope you get things sorted xxxx